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The Specialists
UNDER THE MICROSCOPE - 12/15 WWE RAW: True love with Kane Kane and Kelly Kelly, Santa Claus, the unpredictable Western Pennsylvania
Dec 16, 2008 - 8:47:34 PM


By Lee Stevens, PWTorch specialist

Before we put Raw "Under The Microscope," I need to salute John Payant, a reader who pointed out something from last week's show. During the C.M. Punk Slammy award acceptance speech, he thanked a long list of people, including Scotty Goldman, Mike Schmidt, and Rocky Balboa. John insists that he also heard a reference to the M.S. Posse. If that's true, it could be a long overdue mention of the Mean Street Posse. The Microscope can not confirm the reference, but we would like to thank John for taking the time to write and bring back Pete Gas, Rodney, and Joey Abs, at least for a brief moment. It's a Mean Street Posse Christmas, just as it should be.

A quick reminder for new readers; this is not a full recap, this is simply a closer look at some of the things you may have missed during the episode. Perhaps it's a recurring theme, a ghost of Raw's past, or a basic mistake, but regardless of the category, it's time to take a closer look at Raw by going "Under The Microscope."

She loves me, she loves me not

If you've been paying attention during the last decade, you realize that Kane's infatuation with Kelly Kelly will not end well. It's been almost ten years since Kane fell in love with Tori (not Torrie Wilson), only to be betrayed by X-Pac. As many of you know, you don't get over that kind of pain easily, so it was many years before our shy hero would ever allow someone else to touch his heart.

Several years later, he would learn to love again as he attempted to court Lita. To show his true feelings, he thought about flowers and jewelry, but instead, he went the kidnapping route. Despite his claim that he had impregnated her and the romantic nature of his actions, this was a love destined to fail as Lita eventually betrayed Kane for Edge.

Then there's Katie Vick.

(composing myself)

Sorry, it's still just too painful to talk about. If an emotionally scarred person who burned down his house, killing his parents, forcing him into a mental asylum, and prompting him to wear a mask, only to develop anger-management issues resulting in acts such as kidnapping, abuse of religious officials, and attaching jumper cables to a man's testicles can't work it out with the ladies, what chance do any of us have?

As for the current objection of his affection, Kelly Kelly, she was introduced to WWE television as the love interest of Mike Knox, who prevented her from sharing her exhibitionist tendencies. Just in case you wondered why he was extremely unpopular, there's your answer.

Thanks, but no thanks

As Kelly Kelly slowly walked away from Kane, she passed D-Lo Brown and Jamie Noble. While it was nice to see both men, for storyline purposes, Noble wasn't the best relationship resource for Kelly Kelly. The last time we saw Noble in a productive on-air role, he was busy losing Layla to the strong-armed efforts of William Regal. How to protect yourself from an overbearing suitor? Sorry, I have no idea.

A woman scorned

The choice of Miz to receive the jealousy inspired choke slam may turn out to be random, but for those paying attention, it could be long overdue revenge. When Kelly Kelly started spending time away from Mike Knox, she started spending time with Balls Mahoney, much to the amusement of one Miz, who regularly mocked Kelly Kelly and the less than refined object of her affection. Wait, someone who is ridiculed for their looks and who channels that embarrassment into violence? Maybe Kelly Kelly and Kane Kane could be a couple couple.

You know, the Fiji tracks

I appreciate WWE giving Deuce a second shot by reminding us that he's actually Jimmy Snuka's son. Plus, it's a natural fit for a possible association with The Legacy. I hope they'll continue readjusting his character from the '50s greaser, starting with his hometown. If he's going to play up his roots as the second generation of "The Superfly," it might work better to have him coming from Fiji or his actually birthplace, Hawaii. "The Other Side of the Tracks" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

On a similar note, it seems as if they're not quite sure what to do with Manu as they try to get across his island heritage, but still announce him as hailing from Lehigh Valley, Pennsylvania. Of course, that's actually the truth, but since when is that the primary concern of the WWE? Part of the allure of The Wild Samoans was that they were from somewhere I had never visited. When I heard that they were from the Island of Samoa, I had no idea where it was, what they did there, or what to expect from them. I realize that 25 years later it's a different world and we understand other countries much better than we did then, but when I hear that Manu is from Lehigh Valley, I don't suddenly get nervous that "anything could happen." I've been to Allentown. Any place with that many Applebee's doesn't strike fear into my heart.

$hawn Michael$

The D-X ads featuring an upbeat Shawn Michaels are a bit confusing considering his current depressing economic situation with JBL, however it was a welcome moment of explanation to hear the announcers remind us that the ads were taped several weeks ago before his financial woes. I've read complaints from fans insisting that it's a ridiculous storyline because they don't actually believe that Michaels is bankrupt. While I respect your opinion, I don't believe that The Undertaker is actually dead and he's been popular for more than a decade.

If it happens off camera, does it make a sound

A wild, thunderous, standing ovation to the WWE for having a title switch not televised. I am not encouraging them to make this a habit, but having the Tag Team Titles change hands at a house show gives a sense of realism to the festivities. NFL records are often set in games that aren't on Monday Night Football and players frequently have career games even if the game wasn't televised. I don't feel that we missed anything by not having a title change live on TV. In fact, I think it adds something. That's a small detail that gives the viewer the idea that the WWE Universe is seven days a week and not just Mondays at 9:00 p.m. and then on Tuesday and then a long break until Friday.

You better watch out, you better not cry

Charlie Haas as St. Nick has extended his imitations to beyond the WWE ring, but it isn't the first time we've seen the jolly old fat man in the ring with mixed results.

Among Santa's big moments in the ring:

-- Kurt Angle dismantled Santa Claus in 2004 at the Armageddon Pay-Per-View after Claus submitted to the ankle lock.

-- Santa had better luck in 2003 as he surprised everyone by appearing at the Christmas event in front of the troops in Iraq and proceeded to give a Santa Stunner to Mr. McMahon. Stone Cold Steve Austin received additional gifts that year.

-- At the 2006 "Tribute To The Troops," Santa assisted Staff Sergeant Jose Avila as he won the Masterlock challenge against Chris Masters. JBL was Santa's special helper that year.

-- Of course, no tribute to the man from the North Pole would be complete without mentioning his evil brother, Xanta Claus, portrayed by Balls Mahoney. Xanta appeared at In Your House in 1995 and fought with Savio Vega.

Lee Stevens goes "Under The Microscope" for Raw and Smackdown. You can e-mail him at GLStevens.Torch@gmail.com


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