By Shane McKinley, PWTorch Specialist

Great battle between Tommy Dreamer and Jack Swagger to start the show. Unique use of submission holds with chairs and Dreamer doing a running monkey flip like Kurt Angle. Swagger can tell a story within a match, and hopefully ring awareness will soon follow. Both men looked big here.

Hey, it's JoMizzy. John Morrison had such lines like "The Shaolin Master of Manliness" and "The Chuck Norris of Nookie." These guys spend a lot of time on their characters. But I was kind of groaning when they pronounced that the PPV was "the greatest Survivor Series in history." They went on to describe the PPV:

"A phenomenal Casket Match." What?

"Jeff's extra-curricular activities kept him sidelined." What?

Didn't WWE have Matt Hardy talk about a "blunt object" on the PPV? Or bandage up Jeff around the neck area? Isn't it assumed by most fans that Edge, "the weirdo with a beardo," took Jeff out? This is somewhat disturbing.

Funny point with "months and months of Cena video packages." Great stuff from JoMizzy.

I understand that they want fans to buy the PPV, but when it is pretty universal that the PPV was a stinky mess, lies won't cover it up. At least they didn't go the TNA route of "buy the PPV again so you can see the tremendous Cena match!"

They have Matt Hardy talking about what happened to Edge. They are not even mentioning "the blunt object." So is Jeff sidelined? Is this a way to write him off television? This was presented as a "sneak attack," but as "Jeff's damn fault." So either they are not going with the Edge sneak attack, lengthening it, or ... this whole thing felt weird and I didn't like it one bit. Hopefully the showing on Smackdown on Friday will provide some answers.

Better showing this time around by D.J. Gabriel. Karate chops not withstanding, he looked better. Always a fan of a standing gut buster. I figured out who DJ Gabriel's character is modeled after:

Jean Claude Van Damme!

Hey there, ECW! Wait till you get a load of me!

(credit to vandamme.ru for pic.) D.J. largely dances like Van Damme's "Drunk Dance" in the movie "Kickboxer."

Maybe WWE could have a Chuck Norris character and they could duke it out. When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Cena fears Chuck Norris.

They gave background with Alicia Fox about how she met D.J., because in their minds we would be howling because we wanted to know what she still felt about Edge. No need. I rather not have that sort of thing in my head. I was wondering why Fox was speaking for D.J., until I heard D.J. speak. Wow. Maybe, just maybe, one day D.J. will be "Ortiz over" with the fans.

Cena just fought for his "Chain Gang" or for himself. Now he's fighting for the entire friggin WWE Universe. The video package portrayed Cena as "dangerous when provoked." Cena needed a change in his character and so far this is looking very good. If it was the same old Cena then WWE would just be going through the motions.

Why exactly are we replaying the DX commercial again? Yes, 'tis the time for buying, but it shows that ECW can't think of anything else to fill the spot.

Why exactly is Finlay vs. Mark Henry fighting again? Did anybody watch the horror show that these two guys put on months ago? Nothing happens in this match. Might as well have turned off the TV. However, if you did stick around, you got to hear Matt Striker plug Ricky Ortiz in that "game show that will barely last one season" Cha$e. No thanks.

The Sci-Fi Network does that a lot. "Elijah Burke" (the Black Pope has since flown away) on "Ghosthunters." Ortiz on "Cha$e." But, frankly, I don't care about these WWE stars, and the shows themselves are not much incentive to watch. "Burn Notice" after Raw did catch my attention because of Bruce Campbell, but in general I don't watch the other shows on the network that showcase WWE and TNA.

There used to be a time that WWE Superstars were showing up on all of the shows. I still remember The Rock on Saturday Night Live (the first appearance). Trips on MadTV. Stone Cold Steve Austin as "Jake Cage" on Nash Bridges. Nowadays it seems like WWE gets very lucky when Big Show or Cena show up on Conan O'Brien. They are not going to show up on Leno.

POSITIVES

-- Jack Swagger and Tommy Dreamer
-- JoMizzy skit
-- Cena video package
-- Better showing in-ring by Dancing D.J.

NEGATIVES

-- I have a bad feeling in how this "Jeff Injury" will turn out
-- Lies about how good Survivor Series was
-- I rather take D.J.'s dancing than hearing Alicia and D.J. blather
-- DX commercial repeat
-- Finlay vs. Mark Henry
-- Ricky Ortiz and the show "Cha$e" plugging, generally the last bit of ECW was not worth it

VERDICT: In The Middle Of Absurdity

Email is mckinley.torch@gmail.com.

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