By Lee Stevens, PWTorch Specialist

It's time once again to take a closer look at Raw. Please remember that this is not a recap. If you're looking for recap, check the main page and look for Wade and James. If you're looking for cranberry sauce, look in the cabinet. They're behind the baked beans. It's time to put the Thanksgiving week edition of Raw "Under The Microscope".

No pumpkin pie for either of you!

If you had been paying attention during the past few weeks, you saw the seeds of a Stephanie McMahon disagreement with her brother Shane being planted. Although we saw it boil over rather quickly this Monday, it's not a surprise. Thanksgiving can be one of the most stressful holidays of the year. If Shane and Stephanie are celebrating the holiday together, experts advise that the situation could be diffused through assigned seating. "Don't leave seat assignments to chance if you have family members who always argue and cause indigestion for the rest of your guests. Seat them as far apart as possible and next to other guests who will keep them too busily engaged in conversation to think about their nemesis on the other end of the table."

Of course, they didn't have advice on how deal with a situation of a brother suggesting that his sister would just sleep with another WWE superstar on national TV and how the previously mentioned WWE superstar should react, especially when said superstar is shown later in the evening making a pass at a beautiful blond who has a gorgeous body while his wife is still working to shed the baby weight after giving birth to his second child. Hypothetically, of course.

See? When you put it that way, your Thanksgiving won't seem nearly as stressful. The Microscope is here to help.

My buddy. Mi amigo.

JBL's sudden business relationship is an intriguing storyline post-Survivor Series as the two appear to have no alliance and seemed to be headed towards a feud. While the feud is still likely, they're not as different as they may seem. John Layfield was born in Texas, while Shawn Michaels currently lists Texas as his home state. Both wear cowboy hats to the ring and both achieved early success in the WWF as part of tag teams. Michaels teamed with Marty Jannety and Bradshaw paired with Farooq as the Acolytes, plus a brief stint with Barry Windham as the New Blackjacks. Both men stepped away from the ring because of back injuries and both were successful in their returns. Both would like for you to pass the stuffing.

I'd like to thank all the people who made this possible

Just when you thought it was safe for the 8:00 p.m. hour, Raw will go to three hours again for the return of the Slammy's. If you're new to the WWE awards show, The Slammy's were first held in 1986 and repeated a year later. After a 10 year break, they returned in 1996 and 1997, only to be pushed aside once more. Now, with a little more than a decade of aging, The Slammy's are back. I can only assume that we can pencil them in for somewhere in the range of 2018-2020.

The categories announced on Raw included "Shocking Moment," "Superstar of The Year," and "Diva of The Year." Other categories will be announced, but past categories not likely to return are "Best Personality in Land of a Thousand Dances," won by Roddy Piper, "Best Performance by an Animal," won by George Steele (over deserving nominees Matilda, Frankie and Damian), and "The Jesse 'The Body' Award," given to Rick Rude.

...and Bruce Willis was actually dead the entire time!

I'm certainly not making light of anyone who has recently lost their job, but I don't think the WWE will have any trouble finding their next roster cut after someone hit the wrong button ruining the surprise Melina return. During Candice Michelle's introduction, Melina's name can clearly be seen on the Titantron behind her. Credit to Jerry Lawler for not insulting our intelligence and admitting the mistake. In other ruined surprises, Rosebud was the name of the man's sled, Darth Vader is Luke's father, and that woman is actually a dude.

Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand

The Microscope was happy to see former Intercontinental Champion Pat Patterson as a guest commentator. The past few times he has appeared on WWE television he has served as one of Vince McMahon's '"stooges" in a variety of embarrassing roles. He was properly recognized as the first to hold the I-C title and he continued one of the great stories of wrestling history. It is widely believed that the tournament in Rio de Janeiro to crown the first champion was completely fictional.

It was interesting to see classic footage of Patterson versus Ted DiBiase. Many fans only know DiBiase from his "Million Dollar Man" period, but if you looked closely at the highlights, you saw DiBiase without his goatee and you probably noticed how closely he resembles his son who is currently off of WWE television. DiBiase Jr. recently got married, is reportedly filming a movie and quite possibly wrestling in a fictional tournament in Rio. Two of those things are true.

I-C you've forgotten someone

I enjoy tournaments. Whether it's The King of The Ring or March Madness, if you have a bracket, I'm there. So, I was pleased to see a tournament to determine the #1 contender for William Regal's belt, however I was surprised to see that Santino Marella was not one of the people in the mix. Whether he gets another run with the title is not the issue, by if you want your tournament to have any credibility, why wouldn't you invite the most recent champion to compete? It wouldn't take much effort to remove Snitsky and substitute Marella. He could have lost in the first round just as easily as losing to Goldust.

A closer look at the matches showed C.M. Punk bouncing Snitsky and Kofi Kingston advancing by way of disqualification over Kane. Kingston is rewarded by moving on to the next round, while Kane's loss results in a shot at John Cena next week. Unless The Microscope was cloudy, I didn't hear them say it was a title match, so a measure of credibility was salvaged.

For the record, another week for your tag champs not appearing on camera together. I'm calling it here first: they will break the record for the longest reign of any tag team, simply by never wrestling as a team again. Brilliant.

But wait, there's more!

If you checked the TV listing to make sure you hadn't accidentally switched the channel to QVC, you weren't alone. Raw produced mentions for Mr. Kennedy's new movie, the History of the I-C Title DVD, WWE Mobile, D-X clothing, Raw vs. Smackdown video game, the new Raw ring (OVER FOUR FEET!), and the WWE Kid's Magazine, not to mention the John Cena razor commercial with Vince McMahon.

Why stop there? Can't you see ECW's Ricky Ortiz waving a ShamWow instead of a towel? When Cryme Tyme flashes their money, instead of cash it could be the limited edition Barack Obama gold plated quarter. Carlito is an obvious home for the Apple Peeler Pro. Now how much would you pay?

We also saw the returning John Cena with his new t-shirt. Most fans will recognize his logo as a tribute to the old AWA logo, which is a clever and nostalgic choice, reminding many viewers to check out the repeats of classic AWA on ESPN Classic. It's not the first time they've "borrowed" from the AWA. In the early 1980s, McMahon grabbed Hulk Hogan, Jesse Ventura, Adrian Adonis, Ken Patera, Bobby Heenan, and Gene Okerlund setting the stage for their growth and success. They did leave some of the green bean casserole and part of a turkey leg, but that's it.

Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving and be thankful you're not the person who ruined the Melina surprise.

Lee Stevens goes "Under The Microscope" for Raw and Smackdown, plus recaps Hulk Hogan's CCW every weekend. You can leave comments below or e-mail him at GLStevens.Torch@gmail.com

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