By Wade Keller, PWTorch editor

KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
JANUARY 14, 2009
TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA. (1/5)
AIRED ON SPIKE TV

[Q1]

-A video package aired on last week's Jan. 4 Monday Impact with a focus on Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair, Scott Hall, Sean Waltman, Eric Bischoff, Jeff Jarrett, and Mick Foley. You know, "the future of pro wrestling" that "crossed that line."

-Mike Tenay and Taz introduced the show. Tenay said that Sunday is the first PPV of the Hulk Hogan/Eric Bischoff era.

1 -- GENERATION ME vs. MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS

Tenay and Taz talked about this being a new era in TNA. Tenay said the wrestling world is still rocking and everyone is talking about the three-hour live Impact last week. Tenay mentioned Jeff Hardy's name when listing the surprises. Taz said he's excited to see what unfolds now. Taz and Tenay revealed that the names or Generation Me are Max and Jeremy (previously known as the Young Bucks). A minute into the match, they went to a split screen of Waltman, Hall, and Nash arriving backstage. Tenay said it's been ten days and no one's heard from Foley. Jeremy scored an early two count on Sabin after some crazy special effects moves that were actually real life including a handspring elbow off the ring apron. GM hit several near falls. Taz said he didn't expect his out of these two newcomers. The Guns came back and scored near falls themselves. GM then made a comeback and after two flip splashes out of the corner they scored the upset win on Sabin. Tenay said the Guns are among the "elite X Division tag teams." How many "X Division tag teams" are there? Tenay thanked Bischoff and Hogan for bringing GM in and giving them an opportunity.

WINNERS: Generation Me in 4:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4 -- Nice debut for GM, showing something special in their style and athleticism. The purple tails are odd, though.

-They cut backstage to the Nasty Boys who bragged about stinking up Team 3D's locker room. Team 3D was on the outside banging on the door, trying to get in. Whatever was gained with the debut of GM was offset by the continued presence of the Nasty Boys. It was a running joke for weeks before Jan. 4 that Hogan would bring them in, but I didn't think anyone thought in 2010 he'd have the gall to live up the worst stereotype about his cronyism and actually bring them in. But he did, and here they are a week later. It wasn't just a one-time gag that TNA was in on. [c]

[Q2]

-Hogan said the fans deserve to see Kurt Angle vs. A.J. Styles again. He said the whole world now hears the heartbeat of TNA. He said the magnetism of TNA is attracting some of the industry's biggest star. They showed images of Hogan, Hardy, Flair, Hall, and Waltman. "The next pay-per-view, Genesis, we've attracted one of the biggest impact players in professional wrestling. He can change the game in a heartbeat. He can take the title in a heartbeat. This man is signed on with TNA. I think the whole world is going to be surprised. I know the talent in TNA is going to be shocked. Wait until you see who is going to walk through our doors at TNA Genesis." If it's RVD or Mr. Kennedy, the whole world won't be surprised. That's a strong build-up by Hogan. We'll find out Sunday if he's into hyperbole or delivering on his promise. After the Nastys being in the mix in 2010, maybe it's the wrestler who headlined against Hulk Hogan at Starrcade '94 for the WCW Title... The Butcher (a/k/a Brutus Beefcake). Hogan's build up would require someone on the level of Edge showing up. Hopefully the TNA creative team has heard of him and understands he's 10 times the star in 2010 that, say, Sid is.

-As Angle's ring entrance began, Taz marveled at the news of another big surprise signing debuting at Genesis. Angle entered the ring and said that Styles beating him last week proved that his title win wasn't a fluke. He said he gave Styles everything he had until there was nothing left. He said Styles was the better man, but only for that one night. He said when two great athletes face off, you win some and you lose some. He said the real champion is the one who gets the last big win under his belt. He said at Genesis that man will be Kurt Angle. "Oh, it's real. It's damn real," Angle closed with. Then Styles's music played.

Tenay said Angle's last title shot at Styles of 2010 will be at Genesis. Styles entered the ring and said he appreciates that he accepted his loss like a man. Styles said he agreed that if they had a series of matches, they each would have won some. Styles said, though, that after the war was over, he'd still have the TNA Heavyweight Title. He said the fans want to see them do it one more time, but he reminded him it's his last shot at the title in 2010. They had a brief man-hug, then Angle left the ring. Tenay said they both looked confident and shared mutual respect.

-They went to Tenay and Taz at ringside. As they began talking, a man in a black hood attacked Styles on the ramp. He then unmasked and revealed himself to be Tomko. [c]

-They replayed the Tomko attack on Styles.

-Christy Hemme interviewed Nash, Hall, and "SyxxPac." Bubba the Love Sponge walked in and told Christy to refresh her lip gloss and let him handle the interview. Christy got her droopy sad face on and sulked away. Bubba asked them where Foley went. Nash answered by saying the band is back together. He said they have all new material. Hall said they'll be running the shi-zo. Hall said, "What happens in the back stays in the back." Bubba said he wasn't getting anywhere and threw back to "Taz and, um... Mike." Bubba's leather jacket fit him 25 pounds ago. I barely a heard a word any of them said, I was waiting for one of those buttons to pop off and blind someone.

[Q3]

2 -- HAMADA & AWESOME KONG vs. THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE (Velvet Sky & Madison Rayne w/Lacey Von Erich) -- Non-Title Match

On their way to the ring, the Beautiful People trio hugged Angelina Love at ringside. Lacey Von Erich wasn't particularly excited to see her, but the other two were. Tenay thanked fans for the record-setting ratings of Impact on Jan. 4, calling it an unqualified success. Taz said it's going to be difficult to dethrone Hamada & Kong.

WINNERS: Kong & Hamada in 2:00.

-Afterward, Love ran into the ring and joined Sky and Von Erich in checking on Rayne. Then she attacked Sky and Von Erich. She had a new rougher look that should have been a giveaway to the BPs that she wasn't one of them anymore. As she walked to the back, she said: "Replace me? I don't think so."

-Styles barged into Hogan's office. Bischoff was sitting at his desk and said that "Mr. Hogan" was busy taking care of other business. Styles ranted about Tomko attacking him. He said he wants a chance to get his hands on him. Bischoff said he understand why he's upset. He told him that he's the World Champion and he represents TNA, so what does he propose he do about it. Styles said he wants Tomko tonight. Bischoff said with a title match just three days away, he's willing to put himself in the ring with Tomko for the sake of revenge. Styles said that's exactly what he wants. Bischoff said he will give him that match if he puts the World Title on the line to make that main event mean more. Styles said, "You got it!" Bischoff said, "I love that kid." [c]

-A mid-break cutaway showed Beer Money wandering the halls looking for Bischoff.

-Jeremy Borash took a nervous deep breath and knocked on the office door labelled "Hulk Hogan." Bischoff told him to come in. Bischoff finished his call and said, "Definitely, let's get together next week. It's been too long. I think you've got a bright future here. I look forward to seeing you." (Hmmm. Dallas Page? Buff Bagwell? Glacier? Lex Luger?) Borash talked to Bischoff about what happened with Foley. He asked him where Foley is. Bischoff accused Borash of letting Foley into the building. He said that's on him. Bischoff said he didn't lay a hand on him. He said what happened was Borash's fault. He told him to take responsibility for his actions. He said he "doesn't have a friggin' clue" where Foley is and "I could care even less." He said told Borash if he ever makes a mistake like that again, it'll be the last breath he takes in the Impact Zone. Borash backed away as Beer Money barged in. They told Bischoff they don't know him or have a problem with him or Hogan. They said they have a problem with "your boys," Nash, Hall, and Waltman. Bischoff asked what makes them think they're his boys. James Storm said they don't appreciate being jumped from behind in a building they built. He said they wanted Hall & Nash at Genesis. Bischoff drank from Storm's beer bottle. He said he'd get back to them on that. Then he chuckled alike an evil movie villain.

[Q4]

As Consequences Creed and "Black Machismo" Jay Lethal walked to the ring for their scheduled match against Team 3D, Bobby Lashley attacked them. His wife Crystal smiled and laughed at ringside, then joined him in the ring with a mic in hand. "Do we have your attention now, Eric?" She said until she get her meeting with Hogan, every member of the TNA roster will be destroyed once by one. "Have an exquisit evening, Eric," she said before leaving the ring.

3 -- CONSEQUENCES CREED & "BLACK MACHISMO" JAY LETHAL vs. TEAM 3D

Brother Ray brought an axe to the ring with him.

WINNERS: Team 3D in 0:03.

-Ray said, "Shut the music off." He said last Monday they were wrestling in the Tokyo Dome in front of 50,000 people. He said the first thing out of the Japanese media surrounding them in the locker room had to do with the Nasty Boys invading their locker room. He said they hadn't heard until the Japanese press told them. "The Nasty Boys?! Where the hell have the Nasty Boys been for the last ten years? So, wait a minute! Hulk Hogan comes to TNA and the Nasty Boys ride his coat tails right in the front door? Honestly, I don't know how Hulk Hogan can walk forward with Knobs and Sags riding their fat asses on his coat tails." He complained about having to get dressed in the hallway "like a couple of young boys." (That's an insider wrestling expression out of Japan, by the way; TNA doesn't actually make young boys get dressed in the hallway. Don't alert the authorities.) He said they're coming for them. The best part of Brother Ray's promos is how believable they are. You always believe he believes what he's saying.

-They went to Tenay and Taz at ringside. Tenay said they have a camera following them. They went backstage to Ray chopping down the door with an axe. He then easily kicked it open, making the axe part seem pretty pointless. They entered their locker room, which was littered with garbage and old pizza boxes. The Nastys managed to surprise attack them, which is tough to do to two people entering the room looking to attack them. Knobs yelled, "Welcome to Nastyville!" Welcome to the mid-'90s! [c]

-Tomko said that it seems like just yesterday that he and Styles were tag team champions. He said Styles was a snot nosed kid whom he taught everything he knows. He said he made him. 


-Sean Morley (a/k/a Val Venis) walked out with a mic in hand as Tenay announced that Bischoff heard Lashley's message and booked him against Abyss. Morley, referring to himself in the third person, said he and TNA were made for one another. He said he used to make his living with a different kind of TNA. He said he used a stage name in those days, but those days are over. He said he's a new man and he's going to become a full-fledged artist behind the lens. He said he's now a director, producer, and distributor of some of the most creative and cultured films every made. He said last week he looked around and realized "TNA was poised to explode." He said the one missing element to catapult TNA into the mainstream that was missing as a film division. He said that's where he comes in. He said his TNA Film productions will be works of art, not movies that go straight to DVD. Daniels interrupted and walked into the ring.

[Q5]

Daniels said he wanted to be the first to welcome him to "the new day in TNA." Daniels said he loves the TNA Films concept and had an idea to pitch to him. He said there's an honorable hero-type who encounters a fast-talking sleaze of a guy. He said they do some business together, then there's some twists and turns, and then at the end, the sleazebag ends up in the gutter where he belongs. Daniels then attacked Morley. He said Morley won't bring art to his TNA. He said: "You can take your brand of crap and get out of my company. You offend me. Every word out of your mouth makes me sick. I didn't get fired from this company, find my way, claw my way to the top, in order to let someone like you stink up my building with your version of art." He said he doesn't take a backseat to anybody. Morley made a comeback and knocked Daniels to the floor.

-Tenay threw to a video package on ODB vs. Tara for the TNA Knockouts Title. ODB said she's going to prove that Tara is a diva. Tara said she'll prove she's a Knockout. "You think you can put your little spider on my belly. You think that's the dirtiest, nastiest thing that's been on my belly? Hell no!" said ODB. She called her a princess.

-They showed Jeff Jarrett arriving with a lawyer dressed as a private eye. [c]

-Mid-commercial they showed Matt "MIA" Morgan warming up with Hernandez backstage.

4 -- "THE BLUEPRINT" MATT MORGAN & HERNANDEZ vs. BEER MONEY INC. (James Storm & Robert Roode)

Storm poured beer in the mouths of fans at ringside without checking their IDs. Tenay again touted the ratings for the three-hour special last week. He said they're sure they have new TNA fans. Taz said welcome and he hopes they're TNA fans forever. Two minutes into the match, Rob Terry attacked Hernandez at ringside after his obligatory dive to the floor. The ref called for the bell. The bell rang over and over and over, which annoyed Taz as he said, "I guess someone got disqualified because the bells ringing nonstop for some reason."

WINNERS: No contest in 2:00.

-Waltman, Nash, and Hall marched to the ring and attacked Beer Money three-on-two. Taz said Waltman delivers "toxic kicks." A bunch of security entered the ring and tried to restore order. Bischoff's music played and he walked onto the stage with a mic in hand. Tenay said they'd find out what Bischoff had to say after the break. [c]

-They showed that during the break Bischoff approached Beer Money and told them, "Guys, be careful what you wish for because the next round is on me." Then Bischoff was in the ring with "The Band," as they keep calling Nash, Hall, and Waltman. "Guys, I just don't know what I'm going to do with you." Hall walked up and said, "How about a raise." Bischoff said they'd talk later. "What am I going to do with you guys?" Waltman said, "I thought that's what you wanted." Bischoff said only one thing makes sense to him, and that's make a match... Hall interrupted and said, "Where I drink all of that guy's beer." Bischoff said no, but he was booking Hall & Nash against Beer Money. The Band seemed okay with that. They put their arms around each other and Bischoff and all four smiled. They showed Sting was still hanging around in the rafters.

-Tomko said at first he was proud of Styles as he rose to the top as he sat at home nursing a shoulder injury. He said Styles stopped returning his calls, so he started losing his patience. He said that's when he decided he's going to remind Styles of his role around here. [c]

5 -- DESMOND WOLFE vs. SAMOA JOE

"The Pope" joined Tenay and Taz on commentary. They're giving this match away without mentioning it once head of time? Geesh. Joe gave Wolfe the corner attack Nash-style, except 1,000 times faster. Joe powerslammed Daniels for a near fall at 2:00. The crowd chanted, "Let's go Joe!" Wolfe made a comeback at 3:00. The crowd chanted, "This is wrestling!" Joe countered a Tower of London attempt with a choke, but Wolfe still managed to execute the move and score the pin. After the match Wolfe and Pope trash-talked a little.

WINNER: Wolfe in 4:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4 -- Well, that was a nice start to a good match. It's amazing what they've done with Joe in the last year or so. He's not even on the tip of the tongue of management anymore when they brag about home grown stars. He's to TNA now what Val Venis used to be to WWE - a jobber to the stars.

[Q7]

-They showed Ric Flair arrive in a limo. Tenay said he's joining them on color commentary.

-Another soundbite aired with Tomko bragging about his covert meddling in Styles's matches lately. He acknowledged that he appeared in a ten-man tag match and helped him win a match. He didn't explain why he did that, but he said the time would come to take off the mask. He said his patience paid off as he finally gets to face Styles tonight. Oh, it all makes sense now.

-Jarrett barged into Hogan's office. Hogan said, "This better be good." Jarrett shoved some stuff off of Hogan's desk and yelled, "I'm doing the talking." Jarrett said, "I want to talk about my company, the company that I founded, the company I carried on my back." He called Bischoff a lackey and told him to sit down. He leaned in toward Hogan and continued. "Last week you said that Dixie Carter gave the young guys an opportunity. Between me and you, those young guys ain't worth a damn. Never have been, never will be. There ain't enough talent in this organization to fill a coffee cup. It's me. It's always been me. And you want to come grand-standing in here after all of my hard work over seven-and-a-half years." He said he won't stand for it, which is why brought his attorney with him. He leaned in and said Hogan came very close to crossing a line into character defamation. He yelled again about founding the company.

Bischoff said he's so sick and tired of hearing him talk about the company that he founded and his blood and sweat and tears and money. He said the facts are that he and his old man started TNA, but they'd have been out of business in three weeks if it wasn't for Dixie. "You would have been flat on your ass," he said. "It would have a blip that nobody remembered. Dixie Carter came along. She put in the money, she put in the time, she got her family to invest. You've conned her, you've conned the talent in this company, you've conned everybody you've come into contact with that you somehow have the magic potion to turn this company around. Well, guess what? This company is going to turn around, but it's going to turn around because of Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff. So take your con, take your story, and take it down the street or, like Hulk Hogan said, lace your boots and compete just like everybody else."

Jarrett asked Bischoff if he was done. He called him a Johnny Come Lately. He turned to Hogan and asked if he's going to sit behind that desk and let Bischoff run the company that way. (He messed up the line, but there was no way they were going to re-film that; he originally said to Hogan about Bischoff, "Are you going to let him talk that way," the corrected himself.) Hogan said there's nothing in his contract that says, "I can't kick your hillbilly ass." Jarrett backed off and said he hasn't heard the last from him or his attorney. Hogan looked really fragile as he moved, which might be the real reason he didn't walk to the ring or even onto the stage at this Jan. 5 taping. Bischoff told Hogan that Jarrett needs an attitude adjustment. Hogan said they'd help him with that.

-Tenay and West hyped the Genesis line-up, a card created in one two-hour show. Tenay again thanked the fans for setting a TNA viewership record on Jan. 4.

-David Penzer introduced Ric Flair, who walked out to the theme from "2001: A Space Odyssey." Tenay said he'd be joining them on commentary for the World Title match. [c]

6 -- A.J. STYLES vs. TOMKO -- TNA World Hvt. Title match

Taz asked, during Tomko's ring intro, why he went into Styles's locker room for so long last week. Flair said as the greatest world champion ever he wanted to meet the current TNA champion. Borash began the intros in the ring, but Styles jump-started the match. Flair said he respects Styles's intensity. A minute into the match Angle walked onto the stage wearing a suit. Flair said he has a ton of respect for Angle and all he has accomplished. Angle walked up to the broadcast table and shook hands with Flair. Tenay called it a great moment. Flair said he's been in the ring with Angle, so he can't help but respect him. Tenay asked what caused him to come to TNA. Flair said everything Hogan touches turns to gold. He said Hogan and Dixie is a great partnership, and that's the reason he's there. At 3:00 they cut to a break. [c] Mid-break they showed Tomko applying a chinlock on Styles as Angle continued to watch. Back from the break, Styles broke free, but Tomko jumped back on Styles with a choke. Styles made a comeback with a roundkick and a Pele kick for the sudden three count.

WINNER: Styles in 8:00 to retain the TNA World Hvt. Title.

STAR RATING: **

-Tomko attacked Styles afterward. Angle made the save, knocking Tomko to the floor. Angle picked up the title belt and handed it to Styles. Flair took off his headset and looked at Styles, distracted Styles. Styles avoided an Angle handshake and instead walked to the back. Flair nodded with a knowing smile. Angle looked intensely toward Flair.

-Like a Storm's "Lie to Me" was the theme of a show-closing video that hyped Genesis, with the narrator saying it'll be a night of returns and surprises.

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