By Wade Keller, PWTorch editor

KELLER'S TNA IMPACT REPORT
NOVEMBER 6, 2009
TAPED IN ORLANDO, FLA.
AIRED ON SPIKE TV

[Q1]

-The show opened with a clip of Eric Bischoff introducing Hulk Hogan at last week's press conference at MSG. Then clips aired of Hogan on Larry King Live and Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. The show was titled: "A New Beginning." Then the TNA Impact opening aired.

-As the camera panned the crowd, Mike Tenay introduced the show and then threw to Dixie Carter addressing the "entire roster." Dixie said: "Since I was named president six years ago, I've had a lot of people tell me how to run a wrestling company. While I appreciate their contributions, it's time for a change." She told the wrestlers they'll have more changes in coming weeks and months. "Nobody likes drastic change, nobody likes big moves, I understand that, and it affects different people in different ways." She said there may be some differing opinions of what to do, she expects them to be supported 100 percent. "When you question things in this company, you're questioning me, and I cannot allow that to happen." She said she has made the choice to put her money and passion and love behind everyone on the roster and she expects the same from them. "You have a choice to make. You can choose to support me and the direction TNA is going, or you can choose not to. But you'll need to find another place to work. It's time for us to swing for the fences. It really is. No great success comes without risk, and I am great with that. I hope you are, too. Now is our time. I look at the faces who have helped made this company and you've made me very proud. This is a test. I'm asking all of you to step up in every way possible and let's do this thing together. Now is our time. You need to believe it. If you don't believe it, you are hurting the person sitting next to you. You are hurting me, you are hurting the fans. If you do believe it, let's do it together and show everybody what we're all about."

(That's what she said. Here's what she should have said (keeping in mind that this a show in which the core product is simulated fights presented as if they were real, and where winners earn titles and personal grudges are solved in the ring): "Thanks everyone for your contributions and hard work in bringing TNA to the level it has achieved. By adding Hulk Hogan to our team in a role yet to be announced (or determined), your profile and the profile of this company will be raised. I am personally excited for more fans than ever to witness the best brand of pro wrestling out there. All I ask of all of you is continue to try to be the best wrestlers you can be. If you try to win your matches, I will do my best to create an environment where the best wrestlers get rewarded and that cheating and unsportsmanlike conduct is not tolerated. Those who are the best at what they do will be rewarded with title matches. We will continue to seek out the best wrestlers in the world, and if you lose too many matches, you'll be out and replaced with someone who wins. Because we want our fans to know be rewarded with seeing the best wrestlers in the world competing on the best stage anywhere.)

-A.J. Styles walked out and said there have been a lot of changes in TNA. "Let me make one thing perfectly clear. I am A.J. Styles and I am TNA World Heavyweight Champion." He said since he won the title, there have been changes in his life and TNA's. He said they are all positive changes. "Who would have thought that Hulk Hogan would be part of the TNA family? We're on a new playing field; we're on a whole new level, baby," He said for the past seven years he's been dreaming about being on this level. "But where there's positives, there's negatives," he said. He said he made it clear that when he won the TNA Title, he made it clear he'd defend the title anyplace, anywhere. He said the problem is someone has been lurking in the shadows and jumping him every time he turns his back. He asked whoever that is to man up and present himself in the ring.

Daniels walked out. The announcers were then scripted to present themselves as gullible idiots who had never seen swerves before or "unexpected twists." Tenay and Taz declared instantly: "Joe was right!" Daniels stepped up to Styles. Taz then clarified his comment: "Apparently Joe was right. We'll find out." Daniels took exception to Styles calling out "friend or foe," which meant Styles thought it might have him who attacked him. He asked how he could think for one second that he would have attacked him every time his back is turned. "Because Joe told you? Come on, A.J., are you really that gullible? With all due respect, could you really be that stupid?" Styles said, "That's enough." Daniels yelled that he's not done. He said he's become arrogant since winning the TNA Title. He said for seven years he's been the face of the company, but he's been pampered, coddled, and spoiled. "You've always gotten special treatment, A.J. Always." He said they entered TNA at the same time and he's never gotten any preferential treatment. "I am every bit the wrestler that you are," Daniels insisted. He said the fans know it and Styles knows it, too. He said the only difference is every time he was down, TNA helped him up, yet every time he was up, the company pushed me down." Styles stood there and soaked up what he was saying. Daniels said if Dixie says there's going to be change in TNA, maybe it's his lucky day, but he believes it's more likely if he looks at the wrong person the wrong way backstage, "it'll be another seven years of hell for me."

Styles said in all their years as friends, he's never opened up to him like that before. He asked if there was ever anything he couldn't say to him. Before Styles and Daniels could make any progress, Samoa Joe's music interrupted. He said there's a lot Daniels can't say to him "because he's working you." He called Daniels a bald-faced liar. He said they are hard truths to accept, but that man has been lying to him his entire friendship. He said he sees a man who is jealous of him and always will be. Joe said there's one reason he and Styles aren't friends, and that's because he has something he wants. He said he wants to be recognized as the best in the world, and for that to happen, he needs to hold that TNA Title. He said he has no problem walking out there and telling him that to him face-to-face. "And I definitely don't need to run around backstage attacking you from behind like some shameful cowardly punk," he added. Daniels lost it and said he wasn't the sneak attacker. He said if he wanted to beat Styles, he could do it man-to-man, "and there's no doubt about it."

Styles turned Daniels by his shoulder toward him and asked him if he really feels that way. He asked how badly he wants to find that out. He said if he wanted a piece of him, all he had to do was ask. He suggested they settle their differences tonight. The crowd applauded. Styles suggested they put their friendship aside and determine a winner and loser. Daniels shook on it. Joe smiled. Taz said, "That's big!"

All three played their parts well. I could do without the "he's working you" lingo, but otherwise a much better tone to the hype for this match than WWE presented on Raw for their John Cena vs. Triple H vs. Shawn Michaels match which is being presented as a bet over who can hold in a burp the longest on a road trip.

[Q2] [c]

1 -- ERIC YOUNG & BIG ROB vs. BEER MONEY INC.

Tenay gloated about the media coverage of the new partnership between Hulk Hogan and TNA. Tenay said he was just handed a note that they've added Joe as the special guest referee for the Styles-Daniels main event. Taz said that's combustible." As the ref was distracted trying to get James Storm out of the ring, Young swung the Global Title belt at Robert Roode. Roode ducked, though, and Young KO'd Terry. Taz said: "That's the tag team experience of Beer Money. They saw the opportunity." Not sure where Taz was going with that, but how is ducking being hit in the head with a title belt when you see it coming connected to "tag team experience"? There's no connection that I can see there.

WINNERS: Beer Money Inc.

-Afterward, the British Invasion ran out and attacked Beer Money Inc. Security came out to restore order. The Brits gave Terry a hard time. Taz said he dropped the ball for the team. The Machine Guns jumped the Brits on the stage. Security ran up and broke up that brief brawl.

-They went backstage to the Beautiful People. Lacey Von Erich said they're going to shoot a new movie titled "Meanest Girls, Part Two." [c]

[Q3]

-The BPs barged into Sarita's locker room, but they found ODB instead. Velvet Sky said, "It looks like they're making a monster movie and you're the star." ODB said they are making a movie, "and they're looking for slut doubles." He called Lacey "Douche" and said the leading man wants to work for her and he plays for the Yankees. Lacey hopefully asked, "Derrick Jeter?" ODB said, "No, yank these nuts!" She kicked her. The BPs triple-teamed ODB. They put her a big white dry cleaning bag.

-Lauren interviewed Black Machismo backstage, who was very excited about Hulk Hogan joining TNA. "Shivers up your spine, yeah! Nobody has a bigger history with the Hulkster than myself. We've been on the same page fighting side by side, yeah, the Mega Powers." He said they did fight against each other, but they're letting bygones be bygones. He said TNA is the new home of the Mega Powers. He said he has an announcement of his own. He said he's starting the Black Machismo Invitational where anyone of legendary status can bring it and see if they've still got it. He called out for Bird Man, Snake Man, Koloff, Bundy, Warrior, and Ric Flair. He said it starts next week, then walked away and shouted, "Where's Hogan?!"

-Borash walked up to Mick Foley saying he hasn't been returning his calls and emails. Foley said he wanted to talk to him in person face-to-face. He said as executive shareholder, one would figure he'd be piped into the changes. Foley asked if Borash was a Hulkamaniac. Borash's eyes bugged out as he said Foley is his favorite wrestler. Foley said his mouth was saying Foley, but his eyes were saying Hulkamania. He said a few weeks ago he seemed surprised to find out that he had a surveillance camera in his office filming everything, then asked if Borash wanted to confess anything. Borash said he just wanted to talk to him about Abyss. Foley said he has a surprise for Abyss and soon the whole world will find out about it. He got up and called Borash a Hulkamaniac. [c]

They broke into the commercial break briefly to show Desmond Wolfe warming up for his match backstage. [c]

2 -- DESMOND WOLFE vs. CODY DEANER

Wolfe won in about five seconds with his killer clothesline. Tenay and Taz interviewed Angle via telephone who said Wolfe definitely has a killer clothesline. He said he damaged his larynx and he now has a pinched nerve running down his left arm as a result. He said he got his attention, but not his respect yet. Angle said he caught him off guard.

WINNER: Wolfe in 0:05.

They showed Wolfe putting his jacket and sunglasses on as referees and trainers tended to Wolfe in the ring. Angle coughed repeatedly and interjected that next time he'll have to face him. Wolfe said that's another one of his victims "at the fangs of the Wolfe." He asked why so many common wankers want to get into the ring with him. He said it's easy for them to get into the ring, but getting out of the ring "not so much." Wolfe said he's going to call Angle "Mr. Mangled" from now on. He wanted to know why he wants to get back into the ring with him and suffer more pain and agony. Angle said it'll take more than a clothesline to take him out. Wolfe talked over Angle and said he's a generous bloke and he'll give him the rematch he wants. "I can smell the blood already," said Wolfe. "And let's just say I'm hungry like a wolf." Angle said he said his peace, so he's going to close with: "Nice sunglasses." Angle's coughs seemed forced and the audio tracks covered each other, but there were some good parts to this in the macro in terms of building up Angle as being caught off guard and Wolfe being someone wanting to prove himself against the best right away to make a statement in TNA.

-Lauren interviewed Suicide backstage. She said he was attacked by Homicide backstage and unmasked him and saw his true identity. She said since Homicide knows, is it time to reveal himself to everyone at home. Suicide said if he wanted his identity known, he would have never worn a mask in the first place. He said he's not ready to share with anyone his identity. "The Dark Savior will strike down upon you," he said.

-Tenay hyped the Daniels-Styles main event. [c]

[Q4]

-Lauren interviewed Team 3D backstage regarding facing Hernandez & Matt Morgan later. She asked if there's any truth to remarks by Rhino. Brother Ray said the whole world is talking about Hulk Hogan "right here in TNA." He said he never thought he'd be saying those words." He said regarding Dixie, "I don't care what anyone says, you've got the biggest set of grapefruits in pro wrestling." He used a crude hand gesture to accentuate his point. Rhino walked in. Ray said he was about to say Rhino is "paranoid and delusional." Rhino said he was just walking by. He tried to talk them into realizing that they're on the chopping blocks, too. He asked how their match went against the Motor City Machine guns. "Bad calls to happen, but as it just a mistake or was it a mistake?" he asked. He said now they're booked against Homicide & Hernandez, the same two guys who have been trying to take him out for weeks. Lauren still overreacts to everything anyone says as if she's dodging bullets, annoyed by a horsefly, and hearing the worst news possible about a loved one from a doctor all at once. Ray said Rhino is crazy, but perhaps some of what he was saying was resonating Devon said they respect their opponents, but they're looking forward to their match.

-Daniels made his ring intro for his scheduled match against Styles. Taz said some of the things Joe has said about him and Styles are ringing true to him. After Daniels's ring entrance, the went backstage to Borash interviewing Styles. He asked Styles if he dreamed he'd be facing one of his best friends ever tonight. A man in black then attacked Styles. Daniels and Joe watched on the big screen. Joe then attacked Daniels and gave him a Muscle Buster. [c]

3 -- TARA vs. HAMADA

Taz said he thought for a minute Hamada had on World Elite style pants and got nervous. Taz and Tenay shifted to talking about Hogan. Taz said some are excited and some are, reasonably, concerned. Tara went for an early pin after a standing moonsault. Tenay said he was just handed another note regarding the suspension of the British Invasion. Taz lamented he gets no notes ever. Hamada walked the top rope with a grip on Tara. "It's like I'm back in the company I used to work for when somebody else was doing that." At 3:00 Hamada went for a top rope moonsault, but Tara lifted her knees to block it. Then Tara lifted Hamada into an inverted body face and executed the Widow's Peak for the win.

WINNER: Tara in 3:00.

-After the match Kong walked out. Tenay said without a handler, no one can control her. Tara leaped off the top rope at Kong and security quickly separated them.

[Q5] [c]

-They once again went to the start of a long commercial break at the top of the hour. It's just inexplicably sloppy to be at a commercial when so many are shopping for a new show to watch at the top of the hour.

-Lauren interviewed Tara backstage, who told Kong better think twice about being locked in a cage against her. She said she didn't come to TNA to be treated like an animal. "I'm not going to be locked up in there with you; you're going to be locked up in there with me," she said.

-Mick Foley walked to the ring. They showed a clip of Foley surprisingly hitting Dr. Stevie with a kendo stick last week. Tenay said he might be erratic, unstable, or perhaps "one step ahead of all of us." Foley said he had a "giftarooni" for someone special tonight, and that someone special is Abyss. Abyss came out to his theme song. He told Abyss he doesn't plan to crack a frame over his skull this time like last time they met. Foley said the only time he's said mean things about someone and felt bad about it was when he said Abyss was a cheap carbon copy. He said he got tired of people saying how much Abyss reminded them of himself. He said he watched him in recent years and knew he was good. He said he has discovered he is as tough as he thought he was, but not as good as he thought he was "because you're even better, Chris," he added. Foley said all people have left to show for their careers when they retire besides money is their legacy. He said he decided 23 years ago he wanted to be a cross between Bruiser Brody and Dynamite Kid. He said he might not has been as good as either of them, but he was a special blend of them both. He said he nibbled on the plate of other wrestlers, such as Harley Race and Terry Funk. He said when it came to Funk, he didn't just nibble. He said he won't see Abyss as a carbon copy anymore, and if people compare them to one another, he'll take it as an honor. Foley the reached for the framed caricature of he and Abyss. He pretended he was going to hit Abyss with it, but then pulled back, chuckled, and gave it to Abyss as a gift. He walked toward the back, but then stopped and asked for Abyss's music to be cut. He said he put him through a hell of a test at Bound for Glory, but he has another test in him. He booked him against Dr. Stevie next week on Impact, and if he pins Stevie, Stevie must leave TNA. Abyss exploded with enthusiasm and then cried in a hilarious over-the-top way as he looked at the caricature of he and Foley.

-Borash asked Steiner about the arrival of Hogan in TNA. Steiner said he was in the NWO with Hogan, so knowing Hogan the way he does, he'll come to TNA and put the young punks in their place. He said then maybe he'll invite him into the Main Event Mafia. There's still a Main Event Mafia? He turned his focus to Bobby Lashley. He said he can see how his wife isn't satisfied and lusts after his body and his "largest arms in the world" and "wants to be his number one freak" and scream out his name. He told Borash to remember one thing: "You can't stop the lust of a woman." [c]

[Q6]

-A soundbite aired with Matt Morgan said Hogan coming to TNA is huge and you don't need to be a rocket scientist to realize that. He said for him personally, it's bigger because he was a Hulkamaniac growing up. He said because of his size, he didn't look up to Bill Cosby or Ralph Cramden growing up. (Where did he come up with those two names?) He said on "Amercan Gladiators" Hogan taught him a lot about being a great pro wrestler and he's looking forward to him being around 24/7 in TNA.

4 -- BOBBY LASHLEY vs. HOMICIDE

Lashley's wife Krystal walked to the ring with him. Taz said that's probably the safest place for her. Referee Earl Hebner ordered her to the back before the match. Tenay said TNA management has given power to referees to lay down the law, but he didn't understand Hebner's decision. Tenay was then fed a message through his headset that Styles vs. Daniels was back on for later on the show. Tenay said Homicide is in line for an X Division Title match at the next PPV. Seconds later Lashley beat Homicide in a match lasting less than two minutes. Boy, that X Title match is going to mean a lot now that Homicide has been cast as someone no stronger than a jobber.

WINNER: Lashley in 2:00.

Homicide jumped Lashley from behind afterward, which "of course" means he gets his heat back. Lashley, though, easily fended him off and pressed him into the air. Lashley saw on the big screen Steiner harassing his wife. He asked her what her husband will do when he realizes she lusts after him and that he can't satisfy her like he can. Lashley ran backstage and attacked Steiner. They've found a way to incorporate Lashley into angles without having him talk or try to show emotions, which kills him as a draw almost instantly because he's so awkward. [c]

-Back from the break, Homicide was arguing with the ref, saying Lashley should have been DQ'd. He shoved Hebner to the mat hard. Amazing Red ran out and went after Homicide. Homicide bailed out.

-They went to Taz and Tenay at ringside who ran down the line-up of Turning Point.

[Q7]

5 -- MADISON RAYNE vs. TAYLOR WILDE

Tenay talked about the six-woman tag match scheduled for Turning Point with the tag belts and singles title all on the line in the match.

WINNER: Wilde in 2:00 with a leverage bridge pin out of nowhere.

-Afterward, Velvet Sky and Lacey Von Erich attacked Wilde. Sarita ran out to make the save, but the BPs out-numbered her. ODB then ran out to even the odds and the BPs quickly cleared the ring and celebrated their attack at ringside. [c]

-Don West pushed upcoming TNA events.

-Lauren interviewed Hernandez and Morgan backstage. Hernandez said they're there to win, end of story. Morgan doubted Rhino's conspiracy theory, saying he's merely making him into a bigger ass than he already was. He said their plan is to knock Team 3D off of their perch as the greatest tag team in history. He said the key word is "history." He said they have their work cut out for them.

6 -- A.J. STYLES vs. DANIELS.

Joe wore purple rubber gloves for his protection in the match. They really stood out. He seemed to be calling the match "down the middle" early on. Styles and Daniels took turns on offense early. At 5:00 Styles pinned Daniels with the Styles Clash. Joe raised Styles's arm afterward. Styles seemed leery of Joe. Styles checked on Daniels afterward, who was still selling the Styles Clash. Joe then re-entered the ring and applied a rear naked choke on Styles.

WINNER: Styles in 5:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4 -- Way way way way way too short. They did a nice job building up Styles vs. Daniels as a big deal between long time friends and they turn it into a virtual soundbite of a match that once again is just there so they can get through it quickly and do a post-match angle. It's such a self-fulfilling prophesy with this booking philosophy that nobody has the patience to sit through matches because they define matches as being so short, even between supposedly evenly skilled top wrestlers. Yet inexplicably, with the same sets of rules in the same ring, people are asked to order a three-hour PPV where matches magically last five to ten times longer and are arbitrarily important enough to pay for. It's such an odd logic that seems self-evidently counterproductive and self-defeating.

[Q8] [c]

-A soundbite aired with Hernandez talking about Hogan arriving in TNA. He said people are taking a wait and see approach, but it's gotta be good for TNA at the end of the day because of added exposure.

-Lauren interviewed Dr. Stevie and Daffney. She asked Stevie about having to face Abyss next week and possibly be forced out of TNA if he loses. Stevie said nobody plays him. He said he won't let Abyss beat him. Daffney's crazy-act is so intense and believable, it's hilarious. Stevie said he has something very special in store for Abyss next week and he can't wait to share it with him.

7 -- TEAM 3D vs. MATT MORGAN & HERNANDEZ

This monumental tag team main event began with seven minutes left in the show. Tenay plugged that Super Dave Osbourne would join them on Impact next week. Three minutes into the match Rhino walked to ringside and began preaching to Ray about his conspiracy theory. Ray told him to get out of there. Rhino held a chair and told "Bubba" to listen to him. He wanted him to take the chair and use it to defend his partner Devon against Morgan and Hernandez going after his knee. Ray finally had enough and jumped to the floor and shoved Rhino. He yelled that he's paranoid and told him to "get the freak out of here." Morgan held Devon in a half Boston crab center-ring. At 5:00, Ray used the chair against Morgan's back from behind, and then smashed Hernandez with an unprotected shot to the skull. Ray then held his head as if he felt shame and confusion. Rhino entered the ring and hugged him. Taz said Ray is clearly convicted. Tenay said he's not proud of himself. Rhino gave Morgan a Gore and then held up Team 3D's arms. Devon looked conflicted, too. Tenay wondered, "What have we just seen here?"

WINNERS: Morgan & Hernandez in 5:00 via DQ.

STAR RATING: 3/4*

QUOTEBOOK

Brother Ray: "A very famous man once said to be the man you have to beat the man. Well, to be the team, you've gotta beat the team, and in pro wrestling, we are the one and only team. We are Team 3D. Come and get us."

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