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Where We've Been: On Sunday, Samoa Joe shocked those of us who really should have known better by giving up the TNA World Heavyweight Championship to Kurt Angle. This is actually one of those rare heel turns that could make sense in retrospect without being overly predictable; I expect therefore that they'll give some totally asinine reason for it anyway. If they're really clever, it could even explain some seeming plot holes in the last few weeks, like how Kevin Nash was "taken out" by a hockey stick shot that he'd normally laugh off, and similarly for Booker T and a lead pipe shot. Though if they claim Joe was pulling his punches the whole time it'll make Steiner's hardcore blade job a few weeks ago seem like an even worse deal for him. On second thought, if they're even more creative they could work that into the plot and say that no one clued in Steiner cause they couldn't trust him to keep his big mouth shut. Given Steiner's downright bizarrely consistent work the last few months I could get behind a Big Poppa Pump face term. All of this, of course, is my way of saying that tonight we'll most likely hear Joe talk about how he joined with Angle cause he's angry and wants to be a winner. I still want Taz (or even Tazz).

The Show: Say it Ain't So, Joe

Okay, I'm not usually a fan of the titles, but that one's actually pretty good.

We start off with a look back at the results from Slammiversary. I can see my seat from here! Those were $7 well spent.

[Opening Credits]

Why is ECW the only wrestling show with decent opening music?

So on a night when everyone wants to hear from Samoa Joe, we immediately draw the crowd into the show by starting with…Brutus Magnus. Huh.

(1) BROTHER RAY vs. BRUTUS MAGNUS

Ray ambushes Magnus on the way to the ring. He beats him into it, then tosses him back out. There will be no disqualifications in this match. Ray chops Magnus and tosses him into the crowd. Magnus hits Ray with a really weak looking European Uppercut and an only slightly better Double Sledge off the steps. I wonder if he's off tonight or if Ray's not selling. Ray reverses an attempted Irish Whip and shoots Magnus into a wall. He chops Brutus back to the ring, and grabs a table to bring in with him. He sets it up in the ring, which brings down Rob Terry, Doug Williams, and Kiyoshi. Terry floors Ray with an impressive Spine Buster. Bashir comes down to help. I wonder where he was thirty seconds ago? Devon runs down to make the save, taking down Kiyoshi with a clothesline and blasting Terry in the head with a steel chair. The Brits and Bashir scatter, so Team 3D put Kiyoshi through the table.

WINNER: N/A. Somehow the ref called for a no-contest in a No DQ match about five minutes in. I don't get it either.

Lauren tries to get a word with Kurt Angle in the back, but he completely ignores her. Joe arrives, and Angle seems to say something to a still unseen driver, but it's not clear. Joe and Angle share a hug.

[Commercial Break]

Here's the Main Event Mafia, without Sting but, notably, with the women for the first time since Sting ordered them out. Kurt Angle introduces himself to us as the new TNA World Heavyweight Champion. By TNA's wacky bookkeeping, I think that makes him like a 42 time champion or something. Before he gets to anything else, he wants to introduce the newest member of the MEM—Samoa Joe. Joe has a newly remixed hip hop theme. Normally it takes a while for me to take to new music, but this is a good heel entrance. Joe shares hugs with everyone. Angle says that he's going to explain his master plan, and…bloody hell…there's a storm warning which cuts off Angle's explanation. That's good—it lets me write my own, which will probably be better. As near as I can tell, Angle leveraged Jenna Morasca's money into buying Joe as a hired gun. Joe then took out Steiner, Nash, and Booker, who were all happy to take a bullet for the good of the team. Kurt goes back to Sunday, when he and Joe both said something about how "we" will celebrate, and says that any of us who didn't get it are freak'n morons. That might be the first time in years something a heel said for cheap heat actually insulted me for a second—good work. Angle tries to think if he forgot any details. Then he realizes that he just might have forgotten to fill Sting in, but he apologizes, and points out that what Sting didn't know couldn't hurt him. Bang bang! Here's Mick Foley, who the crowd cheers riotously. Mick says that no one owes him an explanation. Kurt Angle might owe Sting an explanation, and Joe definitely owes AJ one, but that's none of his business. The only thing anyone owes him is the title rematch he's due from Kurt Angle, which he's cashing in one-on-one at Victory Road. Kurt Angle talks about how Mick Foley disgraced himself at Slammiversary by crying after the match. Mick doesn't have the belt anymore, and so he doesn't have any power. He can sign all the contracts he wants, but Kurt's got a clause that says he's allowed to pick his own opponent at Victory Road. Mick calls Kurt's attention to something else from the tape at Slammiversary—that Mick pinned Kurt for the 1-2-3. If it had been any match but King of the Mountain, Mick Foley would still be World Heavyweight Champion. Kurt seems stunned that Mick genuinely thinks he can beat Kurt one-on-one. If you want something from the MEM, you have to give something in return. So Angle proposes that they adjourn to Mick's office, have some drinks, and talk about the future of the MEM.

Lauren catches up with an arriving AJ Styles. He also doesn't seem in the mood to chat, but at least takes the time to yell at her. He asks Cute Kip, who's setting up some lighting, where Samoa Joe is. He does not seem happy to learn that Joe is in the MEM locker room.

[Commercial Break]

We recap Jarrett-Foley, then run down tonight's card. We have Abyss vs. Kevin Nash, Taylor Wilde vs. Daffney in a Match of 10,000 Tacks, plus reaction interviews from virtually everyone about everything.

Jeff Jarrett calls into the commentary booth, and says that the situation between he and Mick has gone on long enough. He'll be at Impact next week, where they'll work things out once and for all.

We see a quick video package for the debut of knockout Sarita in three weeks. I think that's probably the most advance build up I can ever remember a women getting since Gail Kim, which kind of has me psyched all by itself. Also she seems to be running a Latina gimmick, and I'm always for anything that gets any member of LAX more air-time.

[Commercial Break]

(2) ABYSS vs. KEVIN NASH

This match is happening because, um, yeah. I guess it started during the break, since Nash is hitting big knees on Abyss in the corner. Abyss ducks an attempted right hand and connects with a few of his own. Nash no-sells them and knocks Abyss back down. He works him over with some elbows in the corner, then whips him into the corner opposite and clotheslines him down. He tries it again though, and gets reversed and run down with a big charge. Abyss tries for a second charge, but eats an elbow to the face and gets knocked to the outside. He pulls Nash out after him. Big Sexy grabs a chair, but gets nothing but ring post. Abyss takes control, slamming Nash's head into the guardrail and the steel steps. He rolls Nash into the ring, and follows him in with the chair. He sets it up in the corner, which gives Nash enough time to catch him with a Big Boot. Nash goes for the chair, but the ref tries to stop him. While the ref is distracted Dr. Stevie runs in and tasers Abyss. Don't tase him, bro! Also, there's something conspicuously familiar about Nash getting help beating a big man by a taser wielding run in. Oh, Nash makes the cover and gets the win.

WINNER: Kevin Nash in four minutes. This was slow and plodding, but I assume the match wasn't the point. Nash seemed mobile, which is a good sign.

After the match, Lauren runs down to check on Abyss.

[Commercial Break]

Beer Money are in the ring. Storm's happy to be a champion again. Roode claims that they're the greatest tag team in the world. It'd be awesome if they get the Guns in on this feud. He says that they do have to give credit where credit's due—Team 3D are certainly among the legends in this business. But this past Sunday Brother Ray made a mistake, when Brother Ray took his eye off the ball (by focusing on The British Invasion). So Roode says they're here today to offer Team 3D their rematch—any time, any place. They're interrupted by the music of…the Main Event Mafia? I did not foresee that. Booker T and Scott Steiner come down to the ring. Booker gives them a history lesson, reminding them of the greatest tag team of all time, the Steiner Bros., and the greatest tag team of all time, Harlem Heat. I guess they're tied? Scott says that now that the godfather Kurt Angle is back in charge, it's the MEM making the rules. Kurt just left Mick Foley's office, where they finished cutting a deal. Mick will be getting his rematch at Victory Road. In addition, Kevin Nash will be getting a shot at "Booker T's" Legends' Championship, and Booker T and Steiner will get a shot at the tag titles. Booker wants to know what they think of that. Storm acknowledges that Booker T and Steiner were part of two of the greatest teams in history—Booker thinks he's damn skippy, hippy—but when it comes to these titles, they're just another kneel and bob. I'm not sure what that means, and I don't think I want to know. So they should just get in line like everyone else. Booker does not believe he just said that. The deal's already done, and, in addition, they'll be squaring off in singles competition tonight. Booker will take on Storm, and Steiner will battle Roode. Team 3D hit the entranceway. Brother Ray points out that between the people in the ring, no one can understand a damn thing anyone's saying. It does sound like Booker's frustrated, which Ray can sympathize win. He's frustrated too, since Beer Money already offered them the shot at Victory Road. Scott understands that Ray's upset because of his overactive pituitary, but the match is already etched in stone. Ray does his Scott Steiner impression, then says that they'll be going to make Mick an offer he can't refuse. This was a really effective feud-building segment.

[Commercial Break]

We recap Wilde-Daffney. Daffney, while she was getting the tacks removed after Slammiversary, said that Wilde made a huge mistake doing what she did to her without finishing the job. It's kind of creepy seeing someone cut a promo while being worked on, which works well for Daffney.

(3) TAYLOR WILDE vs. DAFFNEY
Match of 10,000 Tacks

You win by putting your opponent through the big bed of tacks. Daffney ambushes Taylor as she gets into the ring and hits a Flip Over Neck Breaker. She tries to grab a bag of tacks suspended over the corner turnbuckle, but Wilde cuts her off. Wilde tries to go up, but Daffney pulls her down and pounds her against the mat. She goes up and gets the bag of tacks, but Taylor's gotten up. Daffney tries to leap at her, but Taylor catches her with a side kick. Taylor looks to let out the tacks, but Daffney grabs the bag away and blasts Taylor with it. She lets out the tacks and looks to plan Wilde. Taylor goes behind and looks for a German Suplex onto the tacks. Daffney escapes and elbows Wilde towards the tacks, but Taylor doesn't fall. Daffney tries to knock her down with a big right, but misses and gets hoisted up with some type of Pump Handle and slammed back down onto the tacks.

WINNER: Taylor Wilde in 3 minutes. Did one of these women have an appointment to get to or something?

Lauren is in The Beautiful People's area. Somehow their thrones have resurfaced, but Angelina Love is oddly missing. Madison Rayne says that they'll do whatever it takes to keep the title in their sorority, and they're certainly not going to let some woman from another promotion come onto their turf and take over. She comments how Tara is short for "tarantula", just in time for one to appear on Velvet Sky's shoulder. It's a good thing she didn't wait an extra thirty seconds to say what Tara stood for, or the tarantula would have just been confusing.

[Commercial Break]

JB is in Mick Foley's office, along with Team 3D. They're not happy that he traded away their title shot for his. He sees that they clearly don't care about his title shot, which is fair, cause he doesn't care about theirs. Mick suggests that if they really think they're the greatest of all time, why don't they prove it next week against Booker T and Steiner, with the winner getting the shot at Victory Road. Ray says that they like Mick and respect him, but this just isn't working for them. He suggests Mick tweak the match. Instead, Mick does something he says he's never done for anyone in this business before, and begs them to take the match. Ray and Devon seem confused, and accept. Devon warns Mick not to play any mind games. After they leave, JB asks Mick how he thinks Kurt will react to the news, but Mick claims not to care.

(4) SCOTT STEINER vs. ROBERT ROODE

Steiner takes control early, pounding Roode's head against the turnbuckle, punching him, and chopping him. Roode comes back with some nice Knife-Edged Chops of his own. Steiner tries to shoot him off into the corner, but Roode floats over and hits another chop and a Sitting Throwback. He hits a Vertical Suplex and is able to get the crowd to take Storm's part in the "Beer…Money!" chant. Steiner takes advantage and flings him out of the ring, then follows him out and slams his head into the steps. He rolls back into the ring and pulls Roode in by the hair. A Belly-to-Belly Overhead Suplex gets two. Steiner gets some more strikes, and nails his push-up elbow drop. Roode tries to fight back, so Steiner rakes his eyes and locks in a bear hug. Roode claps Steiner's head to escape; Steiner comes back with a kick to the head, but that fires Roode up for a series of clotheslines. A Neck Breaker off the middle rope gets two. Roode looks for a Payday, but it's reversed into a Flatliner for two. Steiner looks for the Recliner, but just before he can lock it in Roode tosses him off. Steiner tries to come back with a Do-se-do Suplex, Roode fights it off, so Steiner powers him over with a Backslide for the win.

WINNER: Scott Steiner. I think we just had an Impact match between two top stars that ended clean. I'm confused.

JB is in the MEM locker room with Kurt Angle, and wants to know Kurt's reaction to Mick's altering the tag title picture. Kurt (wearing a rose again) says that he'll take care of Mick Foley on his own terms next week. JB wants to confirm that Kurt didn't consult Sting about bringing in Joe. Kurt says that he doesn't have to, since he's the godfather. JB corrects him, but Kurt sticks to his claim. JB informs Kurt that he just got a text message saying that the other man who thinks he's the godfather is on his way, and he wants answers. Angle says that he doesn't answer to anyone.

JB is back in Foley's office. He informs Mick that Jarrett says that they'll bury the hatchet next week. Mick is a bit worried that Jarrett means that literally. There've been too many implications lately, but if Jeff's ready to apologize, Mick's ready to let bygones be bygones. JB points out that Jarrett didn't say he'll apologize, but Mick says that it was implied. Borash brings up Kurt's anger, and Mick loses it. Kurt should appreciate that he's in mourning, since he lost something valuable, and he might make decisions even he doesn't fully comprehend. He's under the impression that he and Kurt will sort out their differences at Victory Road, but if Kurt wants to bump up the schedule Mick is not a hard man to find. Somewhere in there he points out that his security forces should do something about the fact that their shirts still say MEM—I don't know if that's relevant to anything.

We see a video package about Eric Young, who Lauren's talking to in the back. She's upset that he abandoned Rhino on the Slammiversary preshow, and thinks that even his friends say that they don't even know him anymore. He asks if she means friends like Rhino and Jarrett, who always call on him when they need a court jester. He's sick of it, and has learned that there are no friends in this business—only acquaintances. Lauren tries to talk him out of that position, but he's done with everyone. Rhino walks by, and he's not happy. He doesn't mind fighting alone, but thinks that EY needs to explain why he would say he had Rhino's back and then walk back. EY doesn't want to explain anything to anyone, and suggests that he go to Mick Foley's office and work out a way to sort through their differences next week. Rhino wants to know why they have to wait. EY seems to think about it for a second, then head butts Rhino and walks off. That was awesome. Pat O'Neil comes over and says that they'll get EY back on their own time. Rhino's in a bad mood, and not happy to be lectured by his student, so he tosses O'Neil back against the wall. Are they going to turn the USS Cole vet?

[Commercial Break]

Lauren is in the back with Booker T, who says that this is what the Mafia is all about. Beer Money go disrespecting him, talking about how they're the best tag team ever just because they beat the Dudleyz. Who are the Dudleyz? Who did they ever beat? They never beat the world's greatest tag team, Harlem Heat. Sharmell runs onscreen, ecstatic. She just left Mick Foley's office—now that Jenna's check has cleared, Sharmell's getting rid of her with a match at Victory Road. Booker seems more confused than anything else.

(5) BOOKER T (w/SHARMELL) vs. JAMES STORM

Booker starts things off with some knees and chops to Storm. Storm ducks an attempted back kick and shoots back with some chops of his own. Tonight's episode of Impact is brought to you by the wrestling move "chop". Booker floors him with a back elbow; Storm comes up swinging, so Booker pokes his eyes. He tries to toss Storm from the ring, but the Cowboy Skins the Cat. It doesn't do him much good, since Booker just tosses him out anyway. Booker brings him back in and works some knees to the face. A Leg Lariat gets two, as the crowd informs Booker that he sucks. He looks for an Ax Kick, but Storm gets away and comes back with right hands. Booker shoots him off into the ropes, but Storm comes back with a HHH like Facebuster and a Neck Breaker for two. He hits a Vertical Suplex, and this time the crowd fills in for Roode's half of the chant. Storm hits ten mounted punches in the corner, then starts Stomping a Mudhole. When he goes to Walk It Dry Sharmell slips Booker Storm's beer bottle. Booker cracks it over Storms head, and some of the shards take out referee Earl Hebner. Not surprisingly, that draws the DQ.

WINNER: James Storm by DQ in five minutes. This was a bit weaker than Steiner vs. Roode, but still eminently watchable.

Sting is in the building.

[Commercial Ring]

AJ Styles hits the ring, mic in hand. He starts to call out Samoa Joe, but realizes he doesn't even know who that is. So he calls out "Mr. Nation of Violence" instead. Joe doesn't make him wait long. AJ seems appalled that Joe did it for the money. They had a plan at Slammiversary—whichever one of them it was, it wouldn't matter so long as one of them came home with the World Heavyweight Championship. The crowd tells Joe he sold out, which I already got (a small percentage of) the crowd to tell him Sunday. But Joe didn't want to win the title, and he certainly didn't want AJ to win it. Joe screwed AJ, he screwed the fans, but most of all, he screwed himself. AJ should take Joe's head off right now, but he's not going to. First, he wants to know who's gotten into Joe's ear and convinced him that this was a good idea. Joe tells him that he can ask him himself at Victory Road. Joe starts to walk away. AJ says not to turn his back, since they're not done. Joe says that he is, so AJ pops him. They brawl for a few moments, till Matt Morgan runs out and ambushes AJ. They double team him for a second, till Daniels runs out to make the save. Things even up for a few seconds more before the rest of the MEM (sans Sting) run down to change the odds again. Speaking of Sting, here he is—the MEM scatter before him as he hits the ring and grabs a mic.

[Commercial Break]

The MEM (with Morgan) are back in the ring. Sting says that he expected this from Kurt, but he didn't expect it from Booker, Nash, and Steiner. Look at them all—it was because of punks like Joe that they founded the Mafia to begin with. Angle brought Joe in without consulting him—what else didn't he consult him about? Maybe he had Matt Morgan cost him their match a few weeks back. Kurt swears he didn't have even a little to do with this, and he should just ask Morgan. Morgan agrees that Kurt didn't have a little to do with it—he had everything to do with it. Angle is conspicuously behind the rest of his posse and out of Sting's reach. Sting wants to know where Kevin stands, since he expected more from him. He's not surprised about Steiner, cause he's a mindless jock who follows the leader wherever he goes. Booker and Sharmell care only about themselves, so he's not overly surprised at them either. But Kevin he expected more from. Sting reminds Kevin of their Wolf Pack days, and asks him what happened. Kevin seems annoyed that Sting expected more of him. When Kurt didn't want Sting in the Mafia, Kevin said he was alright. When Sting would talk about respect, Nash backed him all the time. When everyone else would try to cut Sting loose, he would always talk it down. When Kurt Angle suggested they have Morgan take Sting out…he said it was a pretty good idea. Sting wants to know why. Nash loses it—he tells Sting to look around. It wasn't working. Sting's plan didn't work—Angle's did. This honor and dignity business is bullshit! This about money. He believes in G-d above, but he also believes in the god on top of the $100 bill. They took Jenna's money, and they bought Samoa Joe, because they couldn't find a way to beat him. You can make friends or you can make money, but you can't make both. Nash would love to be Sting's friend, but he sure as hell doesn't want to side against everyone else in that ring. Everything Sting preaches is just a stupid fairy tale. Sting wants to know if it's the sort of fairly tale Nash tells his own son, and that clearly hits home. He talks about how Kevin always said that he would be an example for his son about how to live with honor. Sting knows Kevin—not Oz, or Diesel, or Big Sexy, but just Kevin Nash, and he's going to prove it. He hands Nash a bat and turns his back, inviting Nash to either earn his payday or continue the fairy tale. Nash hesitates for a second, then takes a swing at Sting. Sting, however, is ready with a second bat, which he uses to take out damn near everyone. Joe gets a shot in, however, and the tide turns. The show ends with an MEM beat down on Sting.

Where We're Going: Suddenly there are a whole lot of balls in the air. The Tag Team Division has a good four-way program at the top. Angle is dealing with Mick Foley and Sting. Eric Young is fighting with Rhino, who might or might not have issues with his own protégé. AJ and Joe have a fairly legitimate feud, which could bring in Daniels, Matt Morgan (who also has issues with Sting), and Joe's mystery advisor. Any minute now I'm going to need a flow chart. The amazing thing is that, as of right now, none of the balls have been dropped. Admittedly there was literally zero X Division development tonight, but that's less a dropped ball than a momentarily suspended one. This episode really motivated a whole lot of feuds, and I'm buying just about all of them. Also, Sharmell and a giant spider were there.

Star of the Night: Kevin Nash. His promo at the end was quite possibly the best I've heard since the HBK-Hogan feud a few years back. It was passionate and sad, while still fairly plausible. It was just pitch-perfect.

Overall: So we came into a show with a focus entirely on Joe and Angle, and somehow left with interesting things happening in the Tag Division, the Legends Division, and, most surprisingly exciting of all, with Sting-Nash. Last week I was annoyed that there were no long matches, which can only be justified when the promos actually do something. Tonight, they did something. Great show. A

Daniel is a graduate instructor at The Ohio State University. He was thinking of doing this report virtual-time, but then Columbus was taken out by a thunderstorm. Concerns can be expressed at dawilk316@gmail.com


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