By Wade Keller, Torch editor

KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT
DECEMBER 22, 2008
LIVE FROM TORONTO, ONT.

[Q1]

-The show opened with Santino Marella and "Glamarella" Beth Phoenix. Santino said WWE fans have given him nothing but "misrespect" this year, including being amused when he injured his "scrotus region" and when he lost his IC Title. He said had a secret to reveal. He wanted kids to pay attention. Phoenix got uncomfortable and asked if he really wanted to do that. He said he lvoes her more than anything, but she should "shut-up-a-her-face." John Cena walked into the picture and said, "The secret is he never liked Santa." Cena said he's hated him every since he got the Barbie doll Corvette. Cena said there are certain things everyone knows you don't talk about and Santa is one of them. Santino told him to pick a partner and face he and Santamarella later. Cena looked off to the side and there stood Goldust. Goldust held up his hand and said, "Hit me!" Santino got scared and said, "Anyone with ovaries." Goldust said, "Rats!" and walked away. Santino said when Glamarella wins, he will tell the secret of Santa Claus. WWE always enters dangerous territory when trying to riff on the holidays, but that was okay in a slapsticky way.

-The WWE Raw opening aired. Then Michaels Cole and Jerry Lawler welcomed viewers as Kane's ring intro promptly began.

1 -- KANE vs. SHAWN MICHAELS -- "Race to the Rumble" qualifier

Kelly Kelly followed Kane to the ring. Cole said that was peculiar because of the odd, creepy events of last week. A clip aired of Kane scaring Kelly last week. He said he was politely asked by Stephanie McMahon to issue an apology to Kelly Kelly for the events of last Monday night. He then apologized to Kelly, but said she should apologize to leading him on and lying to him. He said he knows she isn't in love with The Miz and she'll live to regret lying to him. Cole and Lawler talked about Michaels's financial problems. Cole said if Michaels wins the World Title again, he might get out of the hole he's in. After Michaels won, they showed JBL watching in the back.

WINNER: Michaels.

[Q2]

[Commercial Break]

-A video package aired of Randy Orton giving Batista the Legend Punt Kick to the face.

2 -- KOFI KINGSTON vs. MANU

An inset interview aired with Kofi during his ring intro sending our happy holiday wishes to his family back home. The ring announcer introduced him from Jamaica. He wished his family back in "Jamaica and the motherland" happy holidays. Lawler said he isn't sure if there's a more exciting "superstar" in WWE than Kingston. Kofi almost lost his balance during his pre-legdrop dance, but then recovered and hit it leading to a two count. Kofi dove off the second rope, almost slipping there, too. Manu caught him, but Kofi countered and leveraged him to the mat with a crucifix for the three count.

WINNER: Kingston in 3:00.

-They showed Cena chatting with Kelly Kelly backstage. The camera was positioned to make it seem as if it were eaves dropping on them, as the edge of the doorway was shown. Is that a sign that they're going to begin to be consistent with "candid" moments by not forcing wrestlers to pretend the camera is invisible, but rather the camera operators have to clever and catching secret scenes? I hope so.

[Commercial Break]

[Q3]

-A commercial hyped ECW.

-Backstage, Sim Snuka pitched himself to Randy Orton as another second generation wrestler to add to his group. Manu and Cody Rhodes walked up to them. Orton didn't look happy and stared down Manu for losing. Orton told Snuka there may be room for another member, then walked away.

-Lawler and Cole threw to a goofy DX merchandise commercial. Lawler said this was shot before Michaels fell onto hard times financially. What they should do now is basically beg fans to buy the merchandise so Michaels can continue to feed and shelter his family. They plugged a toy Elimination Chamber, the IC Title History DVD, and the SummerSlam Anthology. When Michaels bragged about beating Triple H at a SummerSlam, Triple H said what he remembered was "you had hair then." Michaels attacked Triple H. Triple H ended up on top choking Michaels.

-They cut to C.M. Punk and Michaels talking backstage. Punk was talking about his Tribute to the Troops experience. He also noted that they might end up wrestling against one another for the first time in next week's four-way. Before he could get any further, Triple H walked in. Punk left. Triple H asked Michaels why he isn't returning his calls. He said if he had financial problems, he could have come to him. Michaels said he knows he'd be there, but it'd change their friendship forever. He said that'd always hang like a dark cloud over their friendship. He said he doesn't expect Triple H to understand. He said he got himself into it, so he's going to get himself out of it. Triple H asked how it's not okay to get help from him, but it's okay to work for JBL. Michaels said he knows what he's doing and he's always done things his way. Triple H said he hopes Michaels knows what he's doing. After Triple H left, Michaels looked down and said, "I hope so, too." They tied up that loose end as best they could.

[Commercial Break]

3 -- JILLIAN HALL & LAYLA vs. MELINA & MICKIE JAMES

Jillian sang a Christmas song with a fake British accent in honor or her aghast tag partner, Layla. William Regal joined Lawler and Cole at ringside. Regal said the IC Title means more to him than Layla. Lawler asked if that's really true. Regal said she's very nice, but she's just a lady and they're "two a penny." How sweet. Regal said, "I can't afford to get married because I have too many illegitimate children to pay for." Lawler said, "More information than I wanted to know, I'm afraid." Melina pinned Jillian. Regal said he will be defending the IC Title soon and it's no one's business when as that's between he and Stephanie. Melina had to help Mickie to her feet after their win as Mickie was acting like she dove into a pool with no water, was drugged, had bug repellant sprayed in her eyes, was hung over, and just found out her boyfriend cheated on her with her best friend. Best line from Regal: "You see there's a recession at the moment, but I was a failure during the boom." He's like the anti-JBL. He said the English have pride, nobility, manners, and great breeding, but no money because they spend it all on flirty women and nice suits.

WINNERS: Melina & Jillian in 4:00.

[Q4]

[Commercial Break]

-A clip aired of Mike Knox beating up Rey Mysterio last week.

-A scene aired of Toronto's downtown with late Christmas shoppers. Cole then bragged that they were sold out at Air Canada Centre.

4 -- REY MYSTERIO vs. JBL -- "Race to the Rumble" qualifier

JBL controlled at the start, but then Rey caught him with a bodyblock over the top rope on the floor. They cut to a break at 1:00.

[Commercial Break]

JBL was back in control after the break, applying an octopus. Cole called it the longest running episodic weekly TV show in history. I always love the adjectives they use to rule out shows that have been on the air longer such as "Meet the Press" (weekly, but not episodic), "60 Minutes" (weekly, but not episodic), "Monday Night Football" (weekly, but not year-round and not episodic), and "General Hospital" (episodic, but not weekly - it's daily), and so-on. Rey fought back with a kick and a lousy sunset flip, but JBL fired back with a hard clothesline for a near fall. JBL continued to demolish Rey methodically. Cole practically wrote off Rey's chances of a comeback, saying he was torturing Rey. The timing was good, as JBL at that moment put Rey into an old Lex Luger-style "Torture Rack." JBL switched to a sleeper. Rey jawkbreakered out of it and applied his own sleeper, but JBL backed into the corner of the ring and escaped. Rey made a comeback and hit a bulldog for a near fall. JBL fired right back with a big boot to the face of a charging Rey for a near fall. Lawler said Rey is the greatest little an in the history of WWE. JBL attempted to overhead toss Rey over the top rope, but Rey countered and DDT'd JBL to the mat for a near fall. Rey followed up with an enzuigiri and then set him up for a 619. Michaels saved JBL from it by pulling him out of the ring. Then he noticed the referee looking his way, so he slapped JBL and walked away. The ref called for the bell. The ring announcer said JBL won via DQ due to outside interference. JBL broke into a smile. Cole said JBL advanced. The story is, Michaels saved JBL, so JBL would have been DQ'd, but when Michaels slapped JBL, the interference switched to "benefiting Rey," thus cost him the match. Those damn referees and their lousy interpretations of the rules.

WINNER: JBL via DQ in 13:00.

STAR RATING: **1/4 -- Good TV match. Rey created a lot of great rapid movement around JBL, and JBL played the bully role well.

-A video featured aired on "Colombia: Behind Enemy Lines." Mr. Kennedy talked about the explosions on the set during filming.

-Lawler and Cole plugged Chris Jericho vs. C.M. Punk iand Randy Orton vs. Batista in "Race to the Rumble" matches.

[Q6]

X -- RANDY ORTON vs. BATISTA -- "Race to the Rumble" qualfier

Randy Orton walked out, but the ring announcer said Batista couldn't be there due to a head injury suffered last week, therefore Orton was the winner by default and advanced in the "Race to the Rumble" tournament. Lawler said he didn't think anyone could recover from that kick that fast. Orton asked for the mic and immediately cut a gloating promo. He said he's the youngest World Heavyweight Champion in history and the winner of the main event of this year's WrestleMania, "but nothing is as personally satisfying as when I kicked Batista in the skull last week." He said four years ago he won his first World Title "in this very arena, in fact." He said the next day, Batista, "seething with jealousy," lifted him on his shoulders and then dropped him onto his back and ambushed him. He said he's been dreaming of kicking Batista in the skull for the last four years. "Same dream, every night, and then last week it finally happened," he said. "Christmas came early." He asked Batista how it felt to know he won't be facing Cena at the Royal Rumble and have his career cut short. He said four years ago he was in Evolution and now he's come full circle, right back to the same place he started, taking a back seat to him. He said Batista's time is over and the next time he sees him, he'll once again be the World Heavyweight Champion.

[Commercial Break]

-Backstage, Dolph Ziggler introduced himself to Kelly Kelly. The Miz and John Morrison then walked up to her. Miz said, "I just want to thank you for the chokeslam and Tombstone that I got last week." He said she's vengeful. He asked if her love interest is actually Cena. Miz said, "I hope you can keep your mind in the game after what just happened." She asked what happened. Morrison said they a hotel room of a WWE Superstar had been trashed and rumor is that it's her locker room. Morrison sarcastically asked: "Why would anyone want to do that to sweet, innocent Kelly Kelly?"

5 -- CHRIS JERICHO vs. C.M. PUNK -- "Race to the Rumble" qualifier

Cole talked about these two having an awesome cage match on Raw earlier this year. A loud "Y2J" chant rang out. Those Canadian fans haven't turned on Jericho for him moving to Florida. Jericho opened with a headlock. Punk escaped and applied his own headlock. Lawler said Punk was in WWE for "a long time" without people believing in him, but he kept his eye on the prize and made believes out of a lot of people. Lawler noted that Kelly Kelly would presumably be Cena's partner later for the main event. Punk took Jericho down to the mat with some roundhouse kicks. The Canadian fans booed.

[Q7]

[Commercial Break]

Cole said Jericho "could care less" fans cheer him. (He meant fans "couldn't care less.") Lawler said: "I don't know if you've noticed or not, but Canada fans are a little different. Canadians are a little bit different." Punk blocked a superplex attempt by Jericho. Punk scored a couple near falls, then went for a GTS. Jericho escaped and applied the Walls of Jericho. Punk fought it, but Jericho held on as the crowd cheered at 12:00. Punk finally powered out. Cole said, "Punk is a survivor." Punk KO'd Jericho with a kneelift and scored a nearfall. Punk leaped off the ropes at Jericho, but Jericho caught him mid-air with a Code Breaker for the win.

WINNER: Jericho in 14:00 to advance.

STAR RATING: ***1/4

-They cut to the back and Kelly Kelly had packed her bags and gotten dressed in street clothes. Todd Grisham asked her where she was doing and what about her tag match with Cena. She said she talked to him and he understands, but she had to go.

[Commercial Break]

[Commercial Break]

-Cole and Lawler were shown at ringside. Cole said it was his honor to call the action for the Tribute to the Troops show. Lawler thanked the troops around the world for what they do. They threw to a video package from the show.

-They showed Cena heading toward the entrance tunnel. Who would his partner be?

[Commercial Break]

-A commercial plugged that Tuesday night's ECW show would be a "Best of 2008" episode.

-After the ring entrance of Santino and Phoenix, the crowd chanted, "San-tin-o! San-tin-o!" He thanked them for their cheers. He pointed to a woman in the crowd holding a Glamarella sign. He said she's his biggest fan. She screamed back that she loves Beth. Santino said she is Santino's no. 2 fan, just like Canada who are no. 2 to America in "pretty much everything." He said they're also behind Italy. He said earlier tonight he said after Glamarella beats Cena and a Diva of his choice, he'd reveal a secret regarding Santa Clause, "but why wait," he said. Lawler said, "Oh no." Santino said: "Children of the world, I'm about to tell you something so big, it's going to change your life forever." Cena's music interrupted Santino. John Cena Saves Christmas!

Cena entered the ring and said he did some research and found out his secret. "It's amazing," he said, as the Canadians booed. "Because the secret is, Santa Clause tonight is here." He said he slid down the chimney of the "ACC right here in Toronto." He said he shook hands with Dolph Ziggler and made his way to ringside. Then he got him a tag team partner. Trish Stratus's music then played and out she walked, ready to wrestle as Cena's partner. Cole called her one of the greatest Divas ever, a seven-time Women's Champion. He said she out of "out of retirement tonight."

6 -- SANTINO MARELLA & "GLAMAZON" BETH PHOENIX vs. JOHN CENA & TRISH STRATUS

Lawler said, "Whatever Santino says, don't believe him. I figured out a while ago that when you stop believing in Santa Clause is when you start getting clothes for Christmas." Trish nailed Phoenix with a series of hard elbows to the face, then did an early Matrix duck followed by a series of punches on the mat and chops to her chest once they got back to their "vertical base." Phoenix eventually outpowered Trish and tagged in Santino. Santino climbed to the top rope, but Trish knocked him off balance.

[Q9]

After crotching the top turnbuckle, Phoenix head scissored Santino to the mat. Phoenix took over on Trish, though. Lawler said there's no way Trish could be 100 percent after two years away from the ring. Trish hot-tagged Cena at 4:00 and floored Santino early. He did the You Can't See Me routine and then set up an FU. Phoenix yanked Santino by his leg out of Cena's grip. Trish gave Phoenix the Chick Kick. Cena then finished Santino with the FU. The show ended with Cena raising Trish's arm and Cole wishing everyone a good holiday week.

WINNERS: Cena & Trish in 5:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4 -- Good surprise appearance. You wonder what rating Raw would have drawn had they advertised Trish ahead of time. They opt, instead, for the "anything can happen on Raw" approach of offering unadvertising surprises. Not a bad long-term plan. Trish looked good. Despite inevitable rust, what she did was smartly limited, but what she did also looked better than most Divas today who work full time. She always had a great work ethic and a natural ability.

If you have an iPhone or iPod Touch, don't forget to download our FREE PWTorch App:

PWTorch App - Free from iTunes Store

...and just released a few days ago, our affiliate site, ProWrestling.net, also has a free App. Check it out here:

ProWrestling.net App - Also Free

And if you like MMA, be sure to stay up to date on that sport when you're out and about with the free MMATorch App...

MMATorch App - Also Free

We suggest these recent related articles...

PARKS'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT 10/8: Ongoing "virtual time" coverage of Thursday show, including Roman Reigns & Randy Orton vs. Bray Wyatt & Braun Strowman

METZGER'S ROH TV REPORT 10/4 & 10/7: IWGP World champ Okada vs. Roderick Strong main event, plus Briscoes vs. Time Splitters, more from "Field of Honor," Overall Reax

MCMAHON'S TNA IMPACT REPORT 10/7: TNA Title Series kicks off, Bound for Glory fall-out, more; Overall Reax