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KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT
OCTOBER 20, 2008
LIVE FROM CORPUS CHRISTI, TEX.
AIRED ON USA NETWORK

[Q1]

-The Raw opening aired, then they went right to Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler introducing the show as Kelly Kelly's ring intro began. No pyro.

1 -- KELLY KELLY & CANDICE MICHELLE vs. JILLIAN HALL & KATIE LEA

Cole said Lawler has been getting inside info all day on what they'll be wearing at the Cyber Sunday costume contest. Everyone came out to their own music except Katie, who came out with Jillian. Cole and Lawler plugged voting for the costume contest among Divas. Lawler said Candice is dressing as Marylyn Monroe. Jillian said she wanted to sing a song before the match dedicated to her friends in Texas. "Don't let your friends grow up to be cowboys," she sang. After a few lines, Kelly dropkicked her to turn the boos in the crowd to cheers. The ref signaled for the bell to ring to start the match. It's nice to see WWE shake things up with a women's tag match at the start rather than the typical talking segment. Lawler said: "My doctor says I can't listen to Jillian sing for medical reasons. It makes me sick." When Candice went for a tarantula type move on Hall, Katie broke it up with a roundkick to the chest. Lawler revealed that Katie was going to be a vampire for Cyber Sunday. Hall came back with a handspring elbow on Candice at 3:00. Lawler said Jillian is going to be "That Girl." Kelly hot-tagged in at 4:00. Katie broke up a subsequent pin attempt. Kelly finished Jillian with a power legdrop for the win.

WINNER: Kelly & Candice in 5:00.

-They went to Cole and Lawler at ringside hyping Cyber Sunday. They threw to footage of Chris Jericho and Batista from last week "picking each other's poison."

[Commercial Break]

[Q2]

-A spot aired promoting ticket sales for WrestleMania 25.

-Chris Jericho walked to the ring. Cole and Lawler hyped the text message voting. Jericho insisted Lilian Garcia re-introduce him as the World Heavyweight Champion. Lawler said he polled WWE "Superstars" and they predict his reign ends on Sunday. Jericho, dressed in a nice brown suit, complained to Lilian about not introducing him properly. He reiterated that he is the World Heavyweight Champion. He said the disrespect doesn't end with Lilian. He said it's spread to the locker room, the locker room he leads. He said it's also spread like a virus to the fans, again calling them hypocrites, which is a funny ongoing thing. "Pure disrespect," he said. He said somehow the fans have it in their "perverted little brains" that he'll lose on Sunday no matter who they choose as referee. He complained that G.M. Mike Adamle gave the fans that power anyway. He said he's putting Adamle on his long list of people in the company who are disrespecting him. He said the list of option is a joke.

He listed Randy Orton, Shawn Michaels, and Steve Austin. He said Austin was the "worst of all" choices. He bragged again about beating The Rock and Steve Austin in one night, then his route to becoming World Champion, and then humiliating Shawn Michaels. He said after he wins on Sunday, everyone must admit he is the most dominant champion anyone has seen "in the last few years." Why not "of all-time"? Batista's music interrupted.

After his music played for a minute or so, he entered the ring, let out his laugh, and asked if Jericho is seriously out there demanding respect. He said it's as ridiculous as his hair. He said, "You don't demand respect, Chris; you earn respect." He said he agreed with him on one thing - if he beats him on Cyber Sunday, he really believes he will earn a lot of people's respect. "Until then, and it's only six short days away, would you please - puh-lease! - stop whining and crying and shut your mouth!" The crowd cheered. Batista offered to shut it for him. Mike Adamle walked out to the Raw theme.

He said from the stage that they should save it until Sunday. He said he wants to focus on the term "respect." He said their performances tonight will determine who earns respect. He said they will compete against the same three opponents in a gauntlet match. Batista and Jericho looked on, curious. Adamle seemed to lose his train of thought. Then he looked down at his notes. He said it will be different, unpredictable, and another Adamle Original. Cole and Lawler wondered how it'd work. Batista and Jericho then went face-to-face. Jericho slapped Batista and slipped out of the ring quickly.

-Cole plugged C.M. Punk & Kofi Kingston vs. Miz & Morrison.

[Commercial Break]

-A clip aired of Haas Hogan vs. JBL last week.

[Q3]

-As JBL walked out of his white limo, Lawler said, "I started out with nothin', and I still got most of it left. Ha ha ha." Lawler for some reason said JBL's driver looks like he just came across the border. Why? Because every Hispanic person is an illegal immigrant fresh from Mexico? Not sure where that came from. JBL said it's beneath him to compete against some "has-been impersonator." He said he is a man of dignity and wealthy, "what you common folk call rich." As they chanted, "What" between his phrases, he said, "This is not sing-along with JBL. You will be quiet." He said one thing is certain. In times like this, the rich become richer and the poor become poorer. "That would be you," he said with a smile looking at the fans. Steve Austin's music played. Michael Cole reacted as if it he was sure the real thing was coming out. Instead, it was (obviously, predictably) "Stone Cold Hasstin." Shark Boy should sue.

2 -- JBL vs. "STONE COLD" STEVE HAASTIN

Cole broke into laughter and said, "This is ridiculous." Lilian said he is paying homage to the man he personally text voted for. He was wearing a skull cap. When JBL said this was ridiculous, Haastin said, "What?" He then went into Stone Cold's "can of whoop ass" routine. JBL said, "Neither you nor Stone Cold could lace my boots." Haastin opened with a Thesz Press and a forearm drop, Austin-style. Cole forced his fake laughter seemingly forever throughout all of this. Fans chanted "Haastin, Haastin." JBL came back with a big boot and a Clothesline from Hell. Cole asked if Haas is ever going to learn.

WINNER: JBL in 1:00.

-Afterward, JBL yanked the mic away from Lilian: "And that is the bottom line because JBL said so." Someone's going to get a Stunner!

-They showed Rey Mysterio heading toward the entrance tunnel.

-A commercial aired for Triple H vs. Undertaker on Smackdown this Friday. It's crazy they're giving that match away on free TV.

[Commercial Break]

-A vignette aired on Mike Knox. No context was provided, just Tazz commentary during replays of his power moves in rapid-fire fashion.

3 -- REY MYSTERIO vs. SNITSKY

Lawler and Cole plugged the Rey-Kane text voting during Rey's ring entrance. Snitsky was shown reading a gloomy poem aloud in an inset in the corner just as the bell rang. Snitsky opened with offense including stomps on the mat and an elbowdrop. Cole said Rey better not look past Snitsky.

[Q4]

Lawler said the Falls Count Anywhere would give Kane the biggest advantage in this match. Snitsky missed a running boot in the corner and got caught up in the ropes. Rey followed with a Drop the Dime and a low dropkick. He climbed to the top rope and came down with a double stomp to Snitsky's chest. Snitsky got up, only to be head scissored into the middle rope for a 619 followed by a top rope splash for the win.

WINNER: Rey Mysterio in 3:00. A little sloppy at the end when the head scissors slipped off Snitsky's head. Snitsky looks pretty hapless losing this quickly to Rey, but it's a good match for Rey to show he can beat a bigger opponent. They really could have gone longer with this, though, and Rey's win would have actually meant more because Snitsky would have seemed like a tougher foe. As presented, it just made Snitsky out to be a total loser.

-Lawler plugged the Punk & Kofi vs. Miz & Morrison tag match.

[Commercial Break]

-They showed the exterior of the Corpus Christi arena. Then they went to a music video of various celebrities and athletes praising John Cena. His co-star in "The Marine" said, "He's a very good kisser." The celebrities were: Snoop Dogg, Carl Edwards (NASCAR), John Sally (NBA), Maria Menounous (Entertainment Correspondent), Kelly Carlson (The Marine), Rob Thomas (Matchbox Twenty), Sara Jean Underwood (Playboy), Gabrielle Reece (Volleyball), Ben Stiller (actor - joked that Cena beat him out for the lead in "The Marine"), Robert Patrick (actor), Renny Harlin (Director - Die Hard 2), Marc Ecko, The Jonas Brothers (Rockers!), Tony Hawk (skateboarder), Kasey Kahne (NASCAR), and Jerry Ferrara (actor). The theme of the comments was that he's a great guy, fun-loving, no ego, doesn't take life seriously, and softens the line between regular guy and celebrity. They also mixed in clips of his mainstream appearances on various shows such as "Regis" and "Conan."

4 -- THE MIZ & JOHN MORRISON vs. KOFI KINGSTON & C.M. PUNK

Miz and Morrison did some mic work before the match. Morrison said once he voted for Pizza Fridays to be switched to Tofu Tuesdays at his high school. He said they are more Fabulous than the Freebirds, more Legendary than the Legion of Doom, beyond Degeneration X. Miz jumped in: "You mean, Geriatric X. Are you 50?" Morrison climbed the ropes and said, "Are you 50?" Miz said, "We've got two words for you... Be jealous!" Then Punk and Kofi came out, each with their own ring intro. As the match began, Cole plugged "The Dirt Sheet" and referenced a few things they did. Can you just picture Cole sitting at home watching these and taking notes? I didn't think so. I can see Morrison or Miz handing him talking points to plug their segment.

[Commercial Break]

At 2:00 Kofi dropkicked Miz out of the ring. When Cole said Miz said his haircut costs him $250, Lawler said, "Tell me where he got it; I don't want to go there by mistake." Cole called Punk "a maverick during that title reign." Kofi and Punk lifted and threw Morrison onto Miz at ringside at 3:00. Punk and Kofi continued to dominate on offense. Morrison interfered with a kick from the ring apron to Kofi to turn the momentum at 5:00.

[Commercial Break]

They showed a replay from during the break of a surprising head scissors takeover by Kofi on Miz from the ground. He went for the hot-tag, but Miz knocked Punk off the ring apron with a forearm first. Clever spot. Kofi remained isolated by the heels. At 11:00 Kofi finally hot-tagged Punk. He threw a barrage of offense at Morrison including a spinning backfist. He hit a running knee in the corner followed by a bulldog, then he went for a springboard, but Morrison moved just as Punk slipped to the mat. Punk hit a powerslam for a quick two count, with Miz breaking it up. Miz blind-tagged himself in and schoolboyed Punk, right after Punk gave Morrison the Go To Sleep, leading to the three count. Lawler said: "Miz and Morrison never saw a belt they wouldn't like to hit below."

WINNERS: Miz & Morrison in 12:00.

STAR RATING: ** -- Mostly basic, but solid work with a good build to the hot tag. Good finish.

-Jericho told Adamle that nobody respects him. He said he should be mentioned in the same breath as Harley Race, Buddy Rogers, Hulk Hogan, and Bret Hart. Adamle said he doesn't "get it." He said he wants him to be respected, and he's giving him the opportunity to earn it, including self-respect.

[Commercial Break]

[Q6]

-WWE Fact: WrestleMania Sponsorship Champ - WrestleMania beats Kentucky Derby, the NBA Playoffs, Indy 500, X-Games, and The Masters according to Optimedia 2008. Could you find a fact fans would care less about than that? Yea! Fans get to stare at more ads and sponsor mentions than any other major sporting event. Lucky us.

-As Santino and Beth Phoenix made their way to the ring, Lawler plugged the options for the IC Title match at Cyber Sunday. Santino was dressed up with a Goldust wig and facepaint, a hot-rod t-shirt, and a Jeff Jarrett guitar. He's an option? Santino said Hot Rod no longer has a Hot Bod. He said Piper's Pit should be renamed Piper's Ponch. "What's Roddy the Piper going to do to me at Cyber Sunday? Oh, that's right, he does two things. He chews gum and grows his butt. It looks like he's been out of gum for a while because his butt is very grow. Two words for you, Roddy the Piper, sugar-free." He switched to "Golden Dust." He talked about turning the American Dream into a nightmare. He said he's all into touching his "dimples." He said Goldust has "flamed out." He laughed at his own joke. He then brought up "Honky Donky Man." He said he has pork chop sideburns, eats pork chops, and even combs his hair with porkchop grease. He asked what his obsession with swine is. He said he's down with the "other white meat," but he said he made a career out of impersonating The King. There was almost no crowd heat throughout. He said he's not talking about Jerry Stupid Lawler or Jason Priestly, but the man "who died on the toilet while pinching off the career of the Honky Tonk-a-Man." He said if they can roll his big carcass to the ring, he'll send him back to the Heartbreak Hotel. Hacksaw Duggan's music interrupted and he walked out.

Santino called Duggan washed up and said he looks like he could use a hose-down, a warm meal, and a bus ticket to somewhere. The crowd chanted "USA." Duggan said Santino looks like he's on his last minute of his 15 minutes of fame. He said his name is "Hack-n-Sack, it's Hacksaw Jim Duggan." Duggan said he looks "confused." He added: "I've seen a lot of flashes in the pan, and you're the flashiest." He said he doesn't appreciate Santino disrespecting his generation. Viewers don't appreciate this much time being spent on wrestlers from 15 years ago. Santino references the Honk-a-Meter and said he's up to 10 weeks, just 54 short of HTM. He bragged about being up to double digits. Santino mocked Duggan for not being IC Champion. He said, "The only thing you've ever won is a Gold Medal at the Goodwill Games." He said he's a "four-star colonial of the Salvation Army." Duggan made fun of Santino's height, then called Phoenix "his boyfriend." Phoenix moved in on him. Duggan told Phoenix: "Watch it, tough guy." Lawler and Cole busted a gut. Santino yanked off his shirt and Piper skirt and wig, then hit Duggan with the guitar. Jeff Jarrett should sue. Santino said whoever faces him at Cyber Sunday will never forget the name "The Champion of Earth, Santino Marella." He suffered a cut in his mouth or on his lips when he bashed the guitar over Duggan's head. He looked like a strange vampire as the blood flowed from his mouth. Santino had some good lines in there and his delivery was engaging, but the whole thing went too long and the crowd heat was sporadic.

-A vignette aired touting that Raw would celebrate its 800th episode with a three hour special in two weeks.

[Commercial Break]

[Q7]

-A video package aired on WWE's tour of Puerto Rico this past week. Lilian, Candice Michelle, Santino, Punk, and Rey talked about the experience. Fans also talked about how far they drove or how excited they were to see WWE in person.

-Ted DiBiase, Cody Rhodes, and Manu came to the ring to face Cryme Tyme, who were awaiting them inside the ring. The three heels attacked Cryme Tyme before the bell. The ref tried to restore order. The heels stood over Cryme Tyme after a minute or so and they cut to a break. No match. Either they're running short on time (most likely) or they just wanted to give the heels some heat without giving away yet another match between them.

[Commercial Break]

-Cole and Lawler talked about WrestleMania ticket sales, then moved to a full preview of Cyber Sunday with more plugs for the text message voting.

-Chris Jericho walked out first with the World Title belt wrapped around his waist. They replayed his slap of Batista earlier.

[Commercial Break]

-An ECW commercial hyped the text voting for the ECW Title match. What else, right?

-Jericho stood in the ring, looking pretty thick. Almost Ivan Putsky-ish. Batista's full ring intro then took place. Adamle then stepped out and began to explain the concept. He said Batista will start the match, the 2008 King of the Ring, William Regal.

1 -- GAUNTLET MATCH with Batista and Chris Jericho

Batista beat Regal first in less than a minute with a Batista Bomb. Jericho then entered and was able to face Regal right afterward. Adamle seemed to be confused by his own rules. Regal took a while to get to his feet. As soon as he did, Jericho hit a Code Breaker for an immediate win. The crowd booed. Batista looked upset by the process. Next up was Mark Henry, and Jericho had to face him first. Henry powered out of an early Walls of Jericho attempt. Henry pounded Jericho to the mat and then went for a splash. Jericho moved and then hit a Lionsault for a two count. Jericho hit Henry in the head with his title belt. The ref saw it and DQ'd Jericho. Batista then entered the ring. Batista hit a spinebuster for a win seconds into the match. They "protected" Henry by having him get pinned only after taking a spinebuster. Adamle then introduced Kane as the third challenger. He said Jericho would start this match. This whole thing is just a confusing mish-mash of arbitrariness. They cut to a break during Kane's ring intro.

[Commercial Break]

[Q5]

The Kane-Jericho match was in progress with Kane on offense. Jericho went after Kane's legs and took him down at 9:00. He went for a Walls of Jericho. Kane blocked it. When Jericho went for a Code Breaker, Kane "swatted him away like a mosquito," said Lawler. When Kane climbed to the top rope, Jericho knocked him off balance and then climbed up to punch him. Kane headbutted him to the ground and then hit a flying clothesline for a two count. Kane's getting an Iron Sheik belly. Kane dropped Jericho onto the top rope and then knocked him to the floor at 12:00. Batista met Jericho at ringside. Jericho backed up right into Kane's hands. Kane yanked him up and went for a suplex. Kane gave Jericho a boot to the face for the win. They "protected" Jericho by having him slightly distracted by Batista leading to the pin, but barely. Kane knocked Jericho out of the ring afterward, then Batista surprised him as he turned around with a spear for the win. Batista celebrated as the show ended.

WINNER: Batista in 13:00.

STAR RATING: 1/2* -- Lousy concept, but logically booked for something so illogical in concept, if that makes sense.

FINAL THOUGHT: That was the final push to order Cyber Sunday? Right there, that's supposed to leave us thinking, "I have to spend $40 plus tax on Sunday to see that pay-per-view?" No Shawn Michaels or Randy Orton this week, which seemed like a ploy to sway votes for sure toward Austin as the special ref.

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