By Wade Keller, Torch editor

KELLER'S HOGAN'S CCW TV REPORT
OCTOBER 18, 2008
AIRED ON CMT NETWORK

[Q1]

-The show opened with the narrator saying: "In the world of professional wrestling, one man is king." Then a ring announcer is shown announcing, "The Immortal Hulk Hogan." They began explaining the concept. Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake and Brian "Nasty Boy" Knobs are coaches with two separate teams, just as in The Ultimate Fighter. They will train the celebrities to wrestle. Knobs is shown complaining about one celebrity hitting like a girl.

-Eric Bischoff is then shown. He is one of the judges. Then Jimmy Hart is introduced as another. Hulk Hogan is the third. Hogan is shown explaining that wrestling is an artform.

-Celebrity guests include Goldberg and Rob Van Dam. The narrator says: "The routines are rehearsed, but the pain is real."

-In a sneak peek into the season, clips are shown of Danny Bonaduce and Dusty Diamond arguing. The concept is that only one will survive and take home the "prestigious" CCW Title belt.

-The opening aired with high-end artistic comic-like paintings of each of the celebrities involved.

-A Dennis Rodman soundbite aired saying he is known as a "Bad Boy." Trishelle Cannatella is from "Real World." Dustin Diamond was "Screech" on "Saved by the Bell." Bonaduce said, "I'm Danny Bonaduce and I'm best known as Danny Bonaduce." He said he'll go to extremes to win that can't be shown on TV. Nikki Ziering said she's never actually watched pro wrestling, but she's up for the competition. She flexed her biceps. Butterbean said he's a pro boxer and pro MMA fighter. He touted his record. Tiffany is known for being a 1980s teen sensation. She said she's "a little on the weaker side." Erin Murphy is from "Bewitched." She said she's a mother of six boys and is ready for the unexpected. Todd Bridges from "Diff'rent Strokes" said he has a terrible bad side. Frank Stallone said he may look like another guy, but he's himself. He said he still trains in the boxing gym.

Bischoff and Hart entered the ring. Bischoff said everyone will have to be mentally and physically prepared for this challenge. He introduced the trainers Beefcake and Knobs to the contestants. Then he introduced "the man who made this industry." (He did not make the industry; just for the record, it was doing quite well before he was a star; national expansion was inevitable with or without him. I just need to establish that since his stature is a bit overstated quite often.) Hogan gave them a pep talk.

Hogan asked Dustin if he can turn the crowd on. He said he can. Hogan liked his attitude. Hogan said Michelle appeared that she didn't want to be there. Hogan said Bonaduce should have been in this business from day one. Bonaduce said he wants to see blood. Michelle said it's an honor to be learning from Hogan and the coaches "who are, like, the best in the world at this." (Uh, Knobs and Beefcake are far, far from the best at what they do; they're fine for this slot as trainers on a reality show, but they're hardly top 250 workers for their era.)

Bischoff explained that the contestants will be trained on technical ability and showmanship. He said the losing team each week will have a member sent home. Hogan said the person left standing will be taking the CCW Championship Belt home. Bondace said he broke one of the Ten Commandments when he saw the belt because he immediately coveted it. No cash prize? Just a belt?

-They teased the rest of the show including in-ring footage of actual trial matches.

[Commercial Break]

[Q2]

-Team Nasty consists of Rodman, Dustin, Erin,

-Team Beefcade consists of

-Hogan, Bischoff, and Hart talked about the training process. Bischoff said they each will learn three new moves each week which they must turn into a wrestling match. Hart said it's about impressing not just the judges, but also the people. Knobs and Beefcake demonstrated a kick to the mid-secton, a forearm smash, and a clothesline, this week's three moves. Tiffany commented on the moves as they showed a replay with enhanced graphics of each of the moves. Bischoff said, "Let the training begin."

[Commercial Break]

-Clips aired of Beefcake and Knobs teaching their students the forearm smashes. Rodman looked totally stoned. Nikki said, "Once you get bodyslammed a couple of times, you can see how much it hurts." Knobs scolded the girls for giggling. He said if they don't get serious, they'll get sent home and "feel like assholes." Knobs explained how to "touch" the stomach with the foot during a kick without killing the opponent. Eric commented on how easily distracted Nikki is, such as any shiny objects. The team practiced kicking the middle rope. Bridges wore a top hat for some reason. They brought a jobber in the ring to take the kicks. Bridges kicked him low in the testicles. Bridges said his testicles felt sympathy pains. Next they showed the clotheslines being taught. Beefcake said, "Taking a bump is one of the hardest things in professional wrestling." Erin talked about how tough it is to keep the chin tucked on the flatback bump and not let her head hit the man on impact. Stallone said, "Wrestling is not fake. It's choreographed." They're doing a nice job so far putting over how tough wrestling is. You can tell this is being produced by people with pride in making wrestling seem like more than fake showbiz with no pain involved.

-Beefcake and Knobs were shown the intricacies of the choreography of transitioning from one move to another.

-Backstage they played up how Nikki was overly concerned about how she looked. Knobs told her to put her mirror down. Dustin said he's nervous about the match, but added, "If there's a general in that ring who needs to lead, that's me." Knobs gave a pep talk with the phrase, "Let's kick ass and take names." How original!

[Commercial Break]

[Q3]

-With a crowd on hand in the studio, the ring announcer introduced Bischoff (to boos), Hart (to cheers), and Hogan (to a standing ovation). Hogan cut a promo asking the fans if they're ready to see if "these brothers can bring it tonight." They're finding a way to give a good dose of Hogan doing what he can still do in an environment that he fit into, so this is good use of his star power.

1 -- TIFFANY & DANNY BONADUCE (w/Todd Bridges) vs. TRISHELLE CANNATELLA & BUTTERBEAN

This was Team Beefcake. The play-by-play announcer (Hogan's buddy Bubba the Love Sponge, but he wasn't introduced by name) touted Butterbean's record. He said Bonaduce reminds him of the late Brian Pillman. He said he made a whole career out of the "Loose Cannon" persona. If by "whole career," they mean a couple years before he died, yeah. He was a smiling "Flyin' Brian" for most of his career. Butterbean no-sold a Bonaduce clothesline early, then took Bonaduce down. The annnouncer used insider terms such as "heel," "put him over," and "he's a hell of a hand." They cut to crowd shots of overexcited fans. Trishelle tagged in and slapped Bonaduce. She did the kick to the gut followed by ramming his head into turnbuckles. They showed Bischoff and Hogan commenting on Bonaduce being convincing in his character and wondering if he is that character. The announcer noted that Tiffany had trouble in practice. She hit a forearm. Trishelle tried to knock her head into the middle turnbuckle, but she missed. The announcer said the judges took note of that bad placement. They hit simultaneous clotheslines and both took bumps mid-ring. The announcer said, "That's known as a double-down." A loud "CCW" chant rang out that sounded like an ECW chant. The crowd didn't appear to be chanting it at the time, though, so it was post-produced sound added. Butterbean tagged in and charged at three clotheslines. The announcer said Bonaduce moved too quickly from move to move. Butterbean went for a corner splash, but Bonaduce moved. When Butterbean patted his belly, the announcer said, "Shades of Kamala, there." They're trying to bring in references to old wrestlers into commentary. When Bonaduce played to the crowd, the announcer said that played well with judges. A "Butterbean" chant rang out. He powerslammed Bonaduce for the three count. Afterward, Bonaduce charged in at at Butterbean, who fended him off. Bridges intervened, too. The announcer said Bridges didn't do much during the match, saying he was "completely ineffective" and sat on the apron "like a bump on a log." He said he could be in trouble.

WINNERS: Butterbean & Trishelle in 4:00.

2 -- NIKKI ZIERING & DUSTIN DIAMOND & FRANK STALLONE vs. ERIN MURPHY & DENNIS RODMAN

The set looked pretty good for this kind of show with flashing lights, energized fans, sky boxes, and a grittiness that made it feel enough like a rough warehouse or nightclub instead of just a soundstage. The announcer referred to Rodman's team as "babyfaces" with the goal to get the crowd on their side. They cut to a break after ring intros but before the match began.

[Commercial Break]

[Q4]

The crowd chanted for Rodman as the match began. The announcer said they only have a couple days of training, but they'll see how much they've learned. Dustin played to the crowd as a heel. The announcer said the problem with Rodman is there is a fine line between making it look real and it actually being real. The announcer said Rodman was hurting some of his teammates. Hogan commented that Rodman looked good. They didn't talk about Rodman's past experience in the ring ten years ago in WCW. Erin tagged in against Dustin. Rodman overshot on an interference forearm from the ring apron. Erin kicked Dustin in the gut, then forearmed him to the ground. The judges looked nonplussed by the offense of Erin. Dustin came back with heads into the turnbuckle. Frank Stallone tagged in, as did Nikki. Stallone applied a chinlock, then tagged Dustin back in. Dustin went for a corner splash. Nikki moved. The judges were shown laughing. Erin hot-tagged Rodman, who played to the crowd and then clotheslined Dustin. They showed fans chanting "Rodman, Rodman." Another "CCW" chant rang out. Rodman climbed to the second rope and hit Dustin with a flying clothesline for the win.

WINNERS: Rodman & Murphy.

[Commercial Break]

-As the ten contestants stood in the ring, Hogan said he was proud of all of them. He said the safe team was Team Nasty. As they celebrated, Hogan said, "You guys set the stage tonight. You made me feel I was at the greatest wrestling event of all-time, which I was." Rodman looked totally wasted. Bischoff said Trishelle has a great look, but that's not necessarily enough for her to be in this business. He said she has a lot going for her, but he can tell her what she doesn't have: "You don't have to worry about being eliminated tonight." Hart addressed Bonaduce with something about being bland when he first entered the ring, but then he really turned it up. He said he was safe. Hogan addressed Butterbean. He said he was undoubtedly a crowd favorite, and that means a lot. He said times have changed and just because he's a big man, he "can't work the Hulk Hogan gimmick, brother." He said he needs to move around and be agile and step his game up every time he gets in that ring. He said he still has a shot at the belt. Then it came down to Tiffany and Todd Bridges. Hogan said the crowd loved watching Tiffany, but her physicality lacked. Hogan said being a manager at ringside is tough, and he watched him closely. He said he had no presence during the match, but he liked his run-in. He said he flew through the air like an eagle. He then said, "Tiffany, you're a jobroni. Get out of my ring." She smiled, bowed, and waved goodbye to the fans. Hogan closed with, "Whatcha gonna do when Celebrity Championship Wrestling runs wild on you."

-Tiffany said she had fun and gave it her all. She said it was a great honor to do it. Her banner above the ring was darkened.

-Clips aired of next week's show. The contestants took huge flying bumps off the balcony onto a huge inflated landing pad. They played up that wrestlers began to suffer injuries. They showed Bridges writhing on the mat, clutching his shoulder.

-If you saw this first episode, please vote in our poll below and also send us a paragraph of thoughts and a 0-10 score for our Reader Reax article to be posted later. Send to: pwtorch@gmail.com.

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