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KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT
JULY 28, 2008
WASHINGTON D.C.
AIRED ON USA NETWORK

[Q1]

-Clips aired from last week's newsworthy show full of angles revolving around C.M. Punk's title and top challengers to his title, Batista, Kane, John Cena, and JBL. Then the Raw opening aired followed by pryo and the camera panning the crowd as Michael Cole, with Jerry Lawler, introduced the show. He touted the 14,000-plus sellout in Washington D.C.

-John Cena's music played and he came out to a merely decent crowd pop. He wore a red jersey with a Cena logo on it. Cole noted that this is Batista's hometown. He said based on the mixed crowd response, he knows he's not perfect. He said he made a mistake, and given the way he was raised, when you make a mistake you accept the consequences. He said last week he "socked Dave Batista straight in the mouth." He said he knows that has some consequences. He said he can't believe he's about to do this, but he's not hiding, and as a man, he's going to invite Batista to the ring to settle those consequences right now. Lawler said he's not sure that's a good idea.

Batista's music played after about 20 tense seconds. The crowd popped big for his music. He said he knows things can happen in the heat of the moment, and he watched the replay of the footage, "and we're cool." He added, "You know I like you, and you know I respect you." He said when he beats Punk at Summerslam for the World Title, he is the first person he wants to defend it against. Cena said that's very generous, but he said he's had his two shots at the World Title. He said he's been in a bit of a funk lately, then admitted he has, too. He said there are a lot of guys who deserve a title shot, but he's not sure it should be him. Batista laughed and said he can't argue with his logic. He said the reason he's not champion right now is that people keep interfering in his matches. He said he knows Punk can't beat him. He looked at Cena and said, "And neither can you."

Cena said with a smile, "I bet it's good to be home, isn't it?" He said the fans are going nuts for him. The crowd popped. "Which is why I knew you were going to try to sneak something like that in on me," Cena added. He said there are no McMahons and no general managers and everyone is making matches for themselves. He said, "John Cena vs. Batista should headline WrestleMania. Everyone knows that. What do you say about WrestleMania happening here tonight?" Batista said the crowd is full of friends and family who'd love to see him whip his ass all over the ring. As he was about to accept the challenge, out danced Shane McMahon. He needs to stop that dancing. He's almost 40.

Cole said there were rumors all day on WWE.com of Shane McMahon showing up on Raw. He said he and his sister have appointed a new G.M. of Raw, and he'd have the pleasure of introducing that person later. He said that person has hit the ground running by booking several big matches. He announced that Punk [pause for moderate cheers and a few boos] would face one of the most technically sound and hottest free agents "in our business today." He said regarding Cena vs. Batista, everyone would love to see that, but the G.M. already has plans for him. He said Cena would be facing JBL & Kane with a partner named Batista.

[Q2]

[Commercial Break]

-Clips aired of the Santino-Glamazon kiss last week. As they showed the Washington Monument, Cole talked about breaking news from Shane that a new G.M. would be revealed later.

-A clip aired from moments earlier of Santino telling her that he can't blame her for finding him attractive, and that it's a gift and it's a curse. Phoenix told Santino that he kissed her last week, there is nothing between them, and their relationship is strictly professional. Santino said, "Eyes up here, okay. I am not a piece of meat."

1 -- KELLY KELLY & D-LO BROWN vs. SANTINO MARELLA & "GLAMAZON" BETH PHOENIX

Cole said men can take on women in this match. Santino looked to have gone back to working out or slept in a tanning bed - or both. Santino had trouble lifting D-Lo in hte opening minute. He tagged in Phoenix, who easily lifted D-Lo. Santino got bug-eyed with embarrassment. Kelly tagged in and threw elbows at Phoenix. Santino begged for a tag. He tagged in, missed with an elbow, but schoolboyed Kelly for the three count. He celebrated like Kurt Angle winning the Gold Medal. Jerry Lawler agreed with me, describing it the same way, minus the reference to Angle. Santino offered a very, very platonic, business-like handshake. She turned. He checked her out from behind. He was about to tap her on the shoulder. She frowned. The awkwardness continued as they both stood center-ring, waiting for the other to make a move. He moved in for a kiss, but backed off as soon as she turned around. She asked him what he was doing. She grabbed him by his hair as he was about to leave the ring, then forced a kiss on him. He staggered around the ring. She smiled and left the ring. Cole did his signature forced guffawing.

WINNERS: Santino & Phoenix in 2:00.

-Cole hyped the tag team main event. Lawler said tonight would be Chris Jericho's final Highlight Reel.

[Commercial Break]

[Q3]
-Jeff Foxworthy plugged the fight against autism and plugged Saturday Night's Main Event.

-They showed a portrait of Vince McMahon backstage. The camera panned back to reveal Shane McMahon staring at it. JBL walked up to Shane and said, "He was and is a great man." Shane asked how he could help him. He asked about the World Title. He made his case because he pinned Cena at the Bash. Shane told him to take it up with the new G.M. JBL didn't like that answer. He said, "You're a McMahon." Shane said sure, but to respect the position, he should take it up with the new G.M. He also protested teaming with Kane. Shane's cell phone rang, playing "Money Money." Shane said it was the new G.M. Apparently there were some changes in plans. JBL wanted to know if they involved him. Shane excused himself.

-A video recap aired of the Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase vs. Jerry Lawler & Hacksaw Duggan angle last week.

-Lilian Garcia announced that the new G.M. has switched Lawler's planned tag partner out of the next match and inserted Michael Cole. Cole was aghast. They cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

2 -- JERRY LAWLER & MICHAEL COLE vs. TED DIBIASE & CODY RHODES

Cole was protesting after the break, asking how this could be done. The ref insisted it was. Lawler began the match. He slapped DiBiase, then caught a charging DiBiase with a boot to the face. DiBiase soon got in some shots and then tagged in Cody. Cody got in some offense, but Lawler made a comeback and set up a piledriver. Cody backdropped out of it and knocked Lawler into his corner. Cole helped Lawler up. The ref said Cole patting Lawler counted as a tag. Cody jumped Lawler from behind and threw him out of the ring. Then Cody yanked Cole into the ring. The crowd chanted, "We want tables." Cole punched Cody. Cody sold it briefly, then punched Cole in the gut. He followed with a hard clothesline and a pin. Now that's how non-wrestlers should get defeated. Quickly and decisively and before too much can go wrong. Fine match for what it was - a novelty that is establishing perhaps a grudge the G.M. has with Cole. The camera zoomed in on Cole struggling to regain his senses on his back in the ring.

WINNERS: Cody & DiBiase in 3:00.

[Q4]

[Commercial Break]

-Mike Adamle had replaced Cole on commentary on Raw. What is he doing there? Why? Adamle said, "Quite frankly I don't know why I'm here." Classic. It's like Ross Perot's V.P. pick at the debate. Actually, he was covering an apparent obvious question - why was he there on standby? He said he got a call from WWE offices last week saying he should be here. Now he knows why, given what was scheduled for Cole. Lawler joined Adamle at ringside. Lawler said, "Obviously our new general manager likes to play games."

-In the ring, Jamie Noble and Layla said the new G.M. must understand he is the rising star on this show. He said, "I am good looking like Barack Obama. I love my oatmeal like John McCain." He said he has all the tools to go straight to the top. He told Kofi Kingston to come to the ring and "take it like a man."

3 -- KOFI KINGSTON vs. JAMIE NOBLE (w/Layla)

Lawler said Jamie isn't the tallest wrestler on the WWE roster. "In fact, his favorite hobby is climbing tall people." Kofi attacked Noble with a flurry of athleticism early. Noble rolled through on a bodyblock amnd scored a near fall. Kofi came right back with his tornado round kick for the win. "Kingston rides his elevator and Jamie Noble gets the shaft," said Adamle. Layla didn't look impressed.

WINNER: Kingston in 2:00.

[Commercial Break]

-Did you Know? Raw on USA was the most watched show last Monday on cable televison?

-Adamle welcomed JBL to the broadcast table with he and Lawler. A grumpy JBL told Mike that he belongs on the Home Shopping Network. He told him to shut up and let himself and Lawler call the match. Punk's ring entrance took place.

[Q5]

4 -- C.M. PUNK vs. WILLIAM REGAL

Adamle said, "There's your answer to the hottest free agent in sports entertainment. Remember William Regal?" Lawler said, "He's unforgettable." Lawler said he thought Regal might be back as G.M. when the new G.M. pulled that stunt on Cole. He said now it's apparent Regal isn't the new G.M. Why can't he still be G.M.? Regal is now wearing a bull body singlet, or perhaps a sleeveless shirt made out of the same material as his trunks tucked in. Punk come back from Regal's early technical attack with his flurry of knees. Regal kicked Punk as the ref was scolding Punk for knees in the corner. He then set his head against the ringpost and kicked his head. Punk came up bleeding from the nose or mouth. Regal continued his mat attack as Punk continued to bleed. At 3:00 Punk made a comeback with a barrage of rapid punches, elbows, and kicks. Regal blocked a round kick, but Punk landed a spinning backfist, then KO'd Regal with another kick attempt. Regal kicked out at two. Regal came back with a big suplex. He shifted into a submission attempt. Punk escaped and hit the Go To Sleep for the win.

WINNER: Punk in 4:00.

STAR RATING: * -- Okay match. Pretty short, but it felt like a real fight.

-Afterward, JBL entered the ring. Kane's music then played. He walked out and stepped over the top rope and into the ring. He punched JBL for no reason. Punk kicked Kane in the head. JBL got up and clotheslined Punk. Adamle said Punk didn't deserve that.

[Commercial Break]

[Q6]

-As Jericho walked out, Lawler said he heard rumors that this was Jericho's final Highlight Reel. Jericho said once again he came out there last week and told the truth and was vilified and ostracized as a result. He said he is doing what nobody else is interested in doing, and that is grow up. He said he has matured and moved on and taken his career to a whole other level and his live to a whole new level. He said the fans forced him to do it. He said for years he wasn't known as an international superstar and supremely gifted athlete, but a performer, entertainer, and showman - "a party host for the new millenium." He said he gladly played that part because that's what the fans wanted him to do. He said he did what he felt they wanted rather than what he believes was best. He said when he decided to host his own show instead of reaching for the title, it was a mistake to pander to the fans and settle for second best. He said tonight is the last Highlight Reel they will ever see. The fans applauded.

Jericho said he's put together a farewell to an icon, one of the greatest performers who has ever stepped foot inside the ring. He said fans will never see him again - "and I guarantee that to all of you." He said, "It's not Shawn Michaels. It's not HBK. Because the man I'm talking about is Y2J." A clip aired of Jericho dressed as Doink, Jericho insulting Stephanie's boob job, Jericho insulting Randy Orton on his return last fall, Jericho coordinating two gorillas throwing pies in Stephanie's face. "So you miss that guy, huh?" he asked the crowd. "You miss him? Because I don't. I'm embarrassed to watch that footage and who I was as a performer. It's time for me to move on. I have matured." He said if he's learned anything from Michaels, it's that he could have entertained him for years and let the fans manipulate him like a puppet on strings for years "and you still would not have respected me like you respected Shawn Michaels." He said that isn't fair. He said when he destroyed Shawn Michaels, he destroyed each of the fans, and that meant more than all of his career highlights before then.

Lance Cade said he appreciates Jericho. He said before he took over his career, he was stuck with a signing cowboy. He said, "Unlike Shawn Michaels, you saved me, Chris. For that, I will be forever grateful." Jericho said he appreciates his words and him. He said he also appreciates that Michaels is trying to watch on TV through those damaged eyes. He said he knows Michaels can hear him, so listen carefully. He told Shawn to stay home and move on with his life. "Hold on to your wife and raise your precious children," he said. "Enjoy your life away from the wrestling business and be thankful for what you have." He said Shawn should move on because he has. He said he hears JBL, Batista, Kane, and Cena arguing about a title shot against Punk. He said there is no one more dominant in WWE than he is. He said if there is a title match at Summerslam against Punk, no one deserves it more than he does. They cut to a commercial. There were some "boring" chants while Cade was talking, but they faded when Jericho began talking again.

[Commercial Break]

-Jim Ross walked to ringside to his Oklahoma University music. He joined Lawler at ringside. Adamle said, "Now I'm really confused while I'm here." Ross said he got a call to be there. He said he didn't know why, but here he is.

5 -- MICKIE JAMES vs. JILLIAN HALL

Adamle plugged the on-sale date for Survivor Series this Saturday. Ross corrected his language. Ross asked Lawler how he was doing. Lawler said it's been a strange night. Ross and Adamle struggled to figure out who was supposed to call the match. When James scored a near fall on Hall, Adamle complimented the move. Ross said, "It's called a cradle, Mike." Adamle accused Ross of trying to take over and said he was doing just fine without him there. Mickie won with a DDT.

WINNER: Mickie in 3:00.

[Q7]

-Afterward, Katie Lee Burchill attacked Mickie at ringside as she was about to be congratulated on her win by her father in the front row. Lawler said it's been a strange night. Katie joined Paul Burchill on the ramp. She said whoever the mysterious general manager turns out to be, she hoped he or she was watching because that was just for you. She declared herself the next WWE Women's Champion and Paul the next IC Champion.

-A Smackdown recap aired.

-Todd Grisham approached Shane McMahon backstage. He said he's just excited to be there and glad Shane is there. He asked for the inside scoop on the new G.M. Grisham asked, "Can you tell me who he is?" Shane said, "Or she." Shane said he'd know whenever everyone else does. Grisham really thought Shane would reveal the G.M. to him and the rest of the world since there was a camera three feet from him?

[Commercial Break]

-Ross, Lawler, and Adamle hyped the Summerslam line-up. Lawler asked when there would be some Raw matches set for the big PPV. Adamle said the new G.M. will probably make that happen. Ross plugged the Jenny McCarthy involvement in Saturday Night's Main Event. A clip aired of McCarthy talking about her son Evan having Autism. Clips aired of Toby Keith, Ben Stiller, Jef Foxworthy, James Roday, Leah Remini, Rose McGowan, Virginia Madsen, Shannon Elizabeth, Charlie Sheen, Howie Mandel, Tim Allen, Jim Carrey, and Piers Morgan plugging her involvement with WWE.

-Backstage Cryme Tyme asked John Cena if they're sure they don't want him at ringside for the tag team main event. Batista walked up behind them. Batista said he's next in line for a World Title match. Cena asked for a moment alone with Batista. Cena said what's best is if they get through tonight and then whatever happens, happens. Batista said, "You make that sound real simple, but I don't trust you, and you don't trust me either." Batista told Cena that the best thing he can do is stay out of his way. Cena said he took the words right out of his mouth. Batista and Cena argued over who'd walk to the ring first. Cena finally gave in, but he walked backwards, not giving Batista his back.

[Commercial Break]

-Lawler plugged that Shawn Michaels would be on Raw live next week. Ross and Adamle continued to talk about how they're confused about their assignments. Lawler said they're still trying to get an update on Cole. He said last he heard he's still really out of it after the clothesline slammed the back of his head into the mat.

6 -- KANE & JBL vs. BATISTA & JOHN CENA

JBL battered Cena at the bell, but Cena came back and eventually clotheslined Kane over the top rope to the floor. They cut to an early break as Cena and Batista stared each other down mid-ring.

[Commercial Break]

During the break, a commercial aired hyping Saturday Night's Main Event at 9 p.m. ET (just one hour) with Cryme Tyme & Cena & Batista vs. DiBiase & Cody & JBL & Kane, plus Edge vs. Jeff Hardy. Ross continued to give Adamle a hard time for his announcing during this match. Cena took a beating for a while, until finally hot-tagging Batista at 8:00. Batista cleaned house with a spinebuster on JBL and a clothesline on Kane. Kane yanked the top rope down as Batista bounced into it, so Batista fell to the floor. In the ring Kane applied a body scissors to take Batista's wind. Ross totally took over play-by-play. JBL tagged in and took a cheap shot at Cena, then battered Batista in the corner while the ref yelled at Cena. Batista came back with a big spear on JBL. Kane interfered, distracting Batista. JBL then surprised Batista with a bit kick. JBL swung at Batista, but Batista ducked and the punch hit Kane. Kane then entered and chokeslammed Kane. Cena tagged himself in and finished Kane with an FU to win.

WINNERS: Cena & Batista at 12:00.

-Afterward, Ross called it a hell of a main event. He said Cena tagged himself in to win, but there's nothing wrong with that. Shane McMahon then danced out onto the stage. He said without further delay, the new G.M. for Raw would be... He turned to the stage, then pointed to ringside and announced that Mike Adamle is the new G.M. The crowd booed. Adamle stood mid-ring as Shane waved good bye. Cena reacted as if it had to be a joke. Adamle announced that at Summerslam, Cena would face Batista. Batista and Cena stared at each other as the show ended. Flat finish. The crowd didn't react at all because the Adamle news was a turd dropping in the middle of what should have been a big first-time marquee match announcement.

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