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Thursday my DVR missed the first hour of Impact. Time Warner "updated" our software a couple of weeks ago, with the predictable result that nothing works anymore. So I deleted that and set a timer for the Saturday night repeat, which of course managed to miss the last twenty minutes. Time Warner sucks.

Where We've Been: So I guess Kurt Angle is injured again. I'd almost forgotten when he came to TNA two years ago how worrying it was that Kurt would kill himself sooner or later. This might be a good opportunity for TNA to steal a march on the WWE though: They already give Abyss a couple of months off now and then—why not make it official policy to give anyone with serious health concerns a month or so paid leave a year? My guess is that it won't hurt the bottom line any, as returns-from-injury, properly hyped, can easily garner high enough ratings to make up for whatever is lost by having a slightly rotating roster. It'll also give TNA's writers a natural "out" for feuds that have run their course without really reaching a climax (hey, remember when Booker hated Robert Roode?).

The show: Karen's Return

(1) AJ STYLES defeats CONSEQUENCES CREED

Tenay tells us that AJ was instrumental in bringing Consequences to TNA after being impressed with him in Georgia. AJ starts things off with a Gut Wrench, as the camera shows Angle waiting in the parking lot for his wife. Creed maneuvers AJ into a Fujiwara Arm Bar. AJ turns things into a Headlock as the crowd chants his name. Creed escapes and comes off the ropes right into a high dropkick. AJ goes for the Springboard Flying Forearm, but Creed ducks and comes back with the Rolling Clothesline for two. Creed goes for a Springboard…something, but AJ catches him in a Fireman's Carry. Creed slips out and hits another clothesline for two. He goes for one more Rolling Clothesline, but this time AJ puts him down with a Spine Buster. AJ whiffs on a Stinger Splash in the corner. Creed tries to capitalize, there are a couple of standing reversals, and then AJ nails a Pele. He follows up with a Styles Clash for the win.
After the match, JB comes down to tell AJ that Kurt's out waiting for Karen. AJ runs to the back.

[Commercial Break]

Karen arrived during the break, and AJ warded off Kurt. He was unable to persuade her to go home though.

Brother Ray comes out and grabs the mic. He says that after they took out Rhino last week, all that remains is to finish off Christian Cage. He warns us not to get up to go to the fridge or make love to our ugly wives, as we're about to see something we've never seen before. I start to get insulted, but Rachael reminds me that she has been dissing him for two years. Fair enough.

[Commercial Break]

(2) CHRISTIAN CAGE defeats BROTHER RAY

Ray's mind games seem to have worked, as Cage keeps looking towards the back for an ambush. Christian starts things in control anyway, but Ray reverses the momentum with a giant Back Body Drop. Christian fights back, and nails a Frog Splash for two. Johnny Devine runs out with a kendo stick, and while Christian fends him off with an Edge-O-Matic, the distraction lets Ray take control. He grabs the kendo stick and whacks Cage right in front of the ref, drawing the DQ.
After the match, Brother Ray waves to the back. Devon and Tomko come out carrying a glass table, through which Ray Power Bombs Christian. The table's explosion was actually a pretty cool visual.

[Commercial Break]

(3) AWESOME KONG defeats DANIELLE

It's another $25,000 challenge, and this time it's not even close. The only point of interest comes when Danielle leaves the ring and rolls close to Taylor at ringside. Taylor jaws a bit with Kong before Kong rolls Danielle back into the ring for a particularly ugly Awesome Bomb and the win.
After the match, Kong motions for Taylor to come into the ring. She obliges, and the two trade blows for a few minutes before security breaks it up. Cornette comes down and informs Taylor that being waved at menacingly is not good grounds to jump the barricade and enter the ring. Taylor says that she just wants a shot, as well as revenge against Raisha Saeed for her continual interference. Cornette suggests that maybe they can work something out, and takes her to the back.

We get a package of Angelina Love's breaking into the business. It's a little more plot-driven than last week's excellent Gail Kim package, but it's still very good.

[Commercial Break]

Scheduled next is the International X Cup match, but when Team Japan's music hits we get Frank Trigg instead. He's upset that last week AJ attacked from behind in the parking lot. He doesn't know how they do things over in Gainesville Vocational, but where he comes from in the MMA you take people on face-to-face. There's a priceless shot of AJ in the back getting fed up. "C'mon, now even this guy's ragging on me?" He snaps and, over Karen's objections, charges the ring. He arrives just in time for Trigg to tell him that he's dumber than he looks—in the back, Kurt has the Beautiful People attacking Karen. They knock down a surprisingly chivalrous JB and give Karen the brown paper bag treatment.

[Commercial Break]

Team International and Team TNA come out for no particular reason.

(4) ULTIMO GUERRERO & BUCANERO defeat DOI & YOSHIMO

As always, these Ultimate X matches move a bit fast for proper play-by-play, but I'll do what I can. Yoshimo knocks Guererro down to start, and the Japanese start rapid-fire double-teams. A Drop Toe Hold into a dropkick to the face gets two. They also hit a cool Boston Crab into a kick to the groin. Bucanero makes the tag to Guerrero, who comes in and just muscles Doi and Yoshimo both to the floor. Guerrero and Bucanero try to elevate Yohshimo into some sort of double-team move, but he reverses into a Hurricanrana. He and Doi hit double Suicide Dives on both members of Team Mexico. All four men return to the ring and Yoshimo hits a giant dropkick off the top rope; it takes him too long to get out of the ring and Doi only gets two. Bucanero gets in Guerrero, who hits a ridiculous Front Suplex off the top rope, which Yoshimo breaks up at two. They toss Yoshimo, and this time Guerrero hits an insane Reverse-Brainbuster thing off the top rope. They follow up with a Senton Splash into a Backbreaker (think a Drive-By off the top rope) for the win.

Not-Crystal is in the back with Lethal and SoCal Val, and she wants to know what Lethal's feeling. Lethal points out what a dumb question that is, as of course he's feeling pissed. I bet real-Crystal would have had a better question. She points out that Dutt clearly had feelings for a while, but Lethal responds that maybe he should have brought them up a bit earlier. Val puts in that it'll take a while to get over this and, as she's told Jay, that means they'll have to postpone the wedding a bit. Jay seems a bit surprised here, as apparently she hadn't quite remembered to mention that fact after all. He says he's ready to get married tomorrow, but she says she needs more time and storms off.

[Commercial Break]

"The Guru" Sonjay Dutt is out with a bunch of younger "Guru-ites" collecting donations. I still hate this gimmick passionately, but do have to admit it works a whole lot better for a heel than it ever did for a face. He grabs the mic and thanks all the guru-ites and all of us for joining him to help him with a special cause—the "Save Val Foundation." We're all here to pray for Jay Lethal's shackles to be lifted off SoCal Val so she can admit to the world that she really loves Dutt. He tries to get a chant started. Val starts to walk down to the ring, yelling at Sonjay. Lethal just sprints to the ring and attacks. Most of the crowd is behind Lethal, but Dutt makes his escape using the guru-ites as a human shield.

JB is in the back with Booker T, who's proud to debut his new tricked-out locker-room. JB is shocked to see a picture of Booker T and Muhammad Ali—he asks whether that's a real picture of the great one; Booker responds that it is, and that Muhammad Ali is in it too. Heh. Booker T says the real question now is "why?" Why wasn't it like this all along? Ever since Booker T came to TNA ratings and buy-rates are up. But every time you get to the top there's always someone trying to bring you down, and tonight's it's Kevin Nash. Nash is jealous cause Booker T is where Nash used to be, but he's going to teach Nash his new role.

[Commercial Break]

We have another Rough Cut with Matt Morgan. He talks about how he almost broke into the NBA, but saw Tough Enough on TV and decided that he could do that too.

Tomko and JB are trying to talk some sense into Kurt, saying that he's just making them look silly every week. Kurt says Karen deserves everything she's getting after cheating on him. Team 3D come down and tell him to relax. Brother Ray says Kurt can do whatever he wants, but he never got why he ever settled for Karen in the first place. Kurt seems to agree, but says that he doesn't really have time to meet anyone new. Ray says that's where he comes in—he's got a black book full of nines and tens, and he'll be setting Kurt up on blind dates next week. Kurt consents, but whispers to Ray that there should be no fat chicks—he's heard what Devon likes. Devon starts to protest, but Ray points out that he has been known to like them big, which Devon says is true "to a certain extent." Kurt asks what's in this for Team 3D, and Ray says that his happiness is their happiness.

(5) MOOSE defeats ODB

ODB spits in Moose's face to start and tosses her from the ring. She runs her into the guardrail and grabs a steel chain from ringside. She gets some more weapons in the ring, tosses Moose into a shopping Cart, and then runs her into the barricade again. ODB rolls Moose into the ring for a cover, but only gets two. Moose knocks back ODB with an elbow to the face, and uses a hockey stick shot to get two. She wraps the chain around ODB's neck and drags her around the ring. She makes the mistake of going to the top rope for added leverage, which allows ODB to whip her down to the mat with a Snapmare. ODB follows up with a series of clotheslines and a Fall Away Slam. Rather than go for a cover, she grabs a shovel, and plasters Moose with it three times for a long two count. I thought that was it. ODB lays a steel chair in the middle of the ring and goes for a Running Power Slam on it, but Moose wiggles out and shoves her into the ring-post. ODB tries to come back with a Super Lou Thesz Press, but Moose sidesteps and plants her on the chair with a Double-Armed DDT for game.

…

Here's where my DVR gave out again. Booker won off of a miscommunication between Joe and Nash.

Where We're Going: Since I didn't see the main event first-hand, this will have to be even more speculative than usual. It does seem that Joe-Nash is the big story moving forward, rather than Joe-Booker. I'm not sure I really like either option. Booker has not proven that he can still work a main-event match, and unless Nash is ready to pull a full-time stint for at least a few months, I'm not sure how that a feud between him and the world champion could possibly pay-off. With the injury to Kurt I think it's time to scuttle whatever they were planning and push someone else into the main event scene. I still think AJ should be the go-to guy, but now with Joe playing the heel instead of Kurt. Alternately they could push Christian to the top and just let the crowd decide whom they like. I will say this: putting the title on Booker T would be a mistake. Getting Kurt Angle and Christian were arguably coups won over WWE—Booker T is unmistakably their leftovers.

Star of (the first 100 minutes of) The Night: No one really leaps off the page. I guess Ultimo Guerrero for an impressive debut?

Overall: Tonight's show didn't so much click for me. While I like the idea of a women's hardcore match, this one didn't seem to have the right pacing. The World X Cup and Booker's new locker room were awesome, but otherwise it felt like just so much sound and fury. There was nothing especially eye-rolling though (even the bit about Brother Ray's black book was moderately amusing). Not counting the main event one way or another, this pulls a B-.


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