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KELLER'S WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT
MAY 17, 2008
GRAND RAPIDS, MICH.

-A video package aired on last week's mini-tournament to determine Undertaker's opponent for the held-up World Title at Judgment Day. Then the opening montage aired.

-Edge's music played as Edge, Chavo Guerrero, Bam Neely, Zach Ryder, Curt Hawkins, and Vickie Guerrero (in her wheelchair) came out onto the stage as Michael Cole and Mick Foley introduced the show. Foley said last week's tournament was a farce. Foley said, "Edge, may the farce be with you." Cole noted Taker can't use the choke hold at Judgment Day. Foley said he won a lot of matches for decades without it, so he'll be fine.

From center ring, Edge explained that rest and Vickie's hot green tea to sooth his sore throat, he was able to get medical clearance just in time last week. He said that means this Sunday at Judgment Day he will beat Undertaker. He said Taker has never defeated him unless he used an illegal chokehold, but Sunday he won't be able to do that, so that means he'll be the new champion.

Teddy Long's music interrupted. Vickie looked back to the stage with a confused, resentful look. She shook her head at him. Long apologized for being late. She asked where he's been. "All day long I've been trying to get ahold of you," she said. "Since when do you think you don't have to answer my calls. Who the hell do you think you are?" She said he must remember that he assists her. "You are the first one to arrive and the last one to go home," she said. She said she plans to finish that conversation in her office.

Long hung his head briefly, but then looked up and said the reason he was late and unreacable is he was in Stamford, Conn. at WWE World Headquarters. He said they summoned him there to have a meeting with the Board of Directors. He said they had a lot of questions regarding her decision to strip Taker of the title. He said they wanted to meet with her, but she blew them off. She said she's a busy woman. Long said he answered all of their questions to the best of his ability, including her relationship with Edge that affects everyone on Smakdown. She said this has nothing to do with her fiance; everything she does has the best interests of Smackdown fans in mind. Long said the Board sees things differently. He read a statement from the Board saying they have decided to take disciplinary action against her. He said the Board has given her a choice. She must compete in her first-ever wrestling match tonight to keep her position or she will be moved effectively immediately as the G.M. of Smackdown. That's lame. The Board was being set up as the one sane entity that oversees the chaos of WWE, and then they decide to punish a non-wrestler executive by making her wrestle?

Vickie said she can't believe he went behind her back. She said, "Teddy, you're fired!" Long said, "Vickie, you can't fire me. You want to know why? Because I quit!" As Long's music played, he jumped in and added that Vickie's opponent tonight is the Undertaker.

[Commercial Break]

1 -- C.M. PUNK vs. CHUCK PALUMBO

Foley and Cole talked about the previous announcement. Foley said he can't imagine what Vickie is in for considering she battles chronic back problems and isn't even a wrestler. A minute in, Punk dove through the ropes onto Palumbo. Foley said, "Never trust a biker without tattoos." He said he asked Palumbo about that and he said he doesn't need tattoos to prove his toughness. Cole said this could be a stepping stone in Palumbo's career if he were to beat the former ECW Champ. Palumbo scored a near fall after a stiff clothesline. Punk went for the GTS, but Palumbo blocked it. Punk came back with a dive off the ropes. Palumbo caught him and overhead slammed him for a near fall. Cole said, "This should be it," rather than, "This is it!" so it was actually dramatic. Palumbo went for the Full Throttle, but Punk escaped and shoved Palumbo into the ringpost. He followed with a GTS for the win.

WINNER: Punk in 3:00.

STAR RATING: * -- Palumbo was on his way to better than this with his strong performances in he Jamie Noble-Michelle McCool storyline.

-Vickie fretted over her situation to Chavo and Edge backstage. MVP walked in and said he needs to ask them a question. He asked if the charade she put them through last week was all b.s. or just mostly b.s. Finlay walked in, also. He asked for some of that miraculous green tea drink Edge bragged about. He said maybe he'd grow taller. Big Show then entered the room. He applauded slowly, mockingly. He said he was prepared to face Undertaker. Vickie reminded them she's still G.M. He pointed out she had to face Taker later. Vickie ordered MVP to find a partner and face Big Show and Finlay. Chavo asked if he was a pawn like everybody else last week. Vickie said they have to make a plan now, they can't worry about last week. Chavo said, "Yeah, together. Like a family." They're beginning to tease dissension between Chavo and Edge & Vickie.

[Commercial Break]

2 -- MICHELLE MCCOOL vs. LAYLA

Cole plugged the Night of Champions PPV in Dallas, Tex. at the end of June. He didn't specify that it's a PPV. He said every match will be a title match.

WINNER: McCool via tapout in 2:00 with a leglock.

[Commercial Break]

-Cole and Foley plugged WWE Kids magazine. There's a page of Slammin' Superfan celebrities! Foley said his kids love the new magazine.

-Batista walked out to his full ring intro. Cole said he wants the title back and will stop at nothing to get there. Batista said he didn't think he was going to have to come out and talk about Shawn Michaels anymore, but then he watched Raw this week and saw Michaels admit to faking his injury. They went to a replay of Michaels admitting it. Batista looked at the camera and addressed Michaels. He said if he wasn't really hurt, the next time he saw him, he would be sure he was. Batista said Michaels will be at Judgment Day, but since he has nothing going on, he'll be there, too. He dropped the mic and walked to the back. Foley said when Batista talks, Michaels should listen.

[Commercial Break]

3 -- THE BIG SHOW & FINLAY vs. MVP & MARK HENRY

Hornswoggle came out with Finlay, then immediately crawled under the ring. Henry came out as MVP's mystery partner. Cole said it's a pretty good choice. When was the last match Henry won? MVP looked concerned when Finlay tagged in Show at 2:00. Foley said, "That's a new look for him. It appears to be fear." MVP punched Show, then backed up and tagged in Henry. Foley said Henry doesn't appear to fear Show at all. A small "Big Show" chant started. After some stalemate tests of strength and collisions, Show shoulder-blocked Henry to the mat. Show celebrated as Henry backed into his corner. Show yanked MVP into the ring. Finlay tagged in and worked over MVP. Finlay climbed to the top rope. MVP charged and nailed Finlay with a high big boot. Cool move. Finlay tumbled to the floor. Henry threw Finlay back into the ring where MVP continued his attack.

WHAT HAPPENED: 2ND HOUR

Foley said wrestling Undertaker is a tough choice to make, but he can't imagine her giving up the G.M. spot, which makes her among the most powerful people in the business. Foley said he's impressed the teamwork between Finlay and MVP. At 10:00 Finlay hot-tagged Show, who went to work on MVP. MVP avoided a corner splash, then Henry jumped Show from behind. Henry charged at Finlay, but Finlay ducked and Henry tumbled over the top rope. Show then chokeslammed MVP for a pin.

WINNERS: Show & Finlay in 11:00.

STAR RATING: ** -- Solid tag match.

-Backstage, Edge told Vickie, "It has to be the entire family, okay?" He walked away. Vickie addressed the camera. She said she is dismayed at the Board's decision. She said she is doing an excellent job as a woman in a male-dominated business. She said it's difficult for her. She said she is a pioneer and role model and care-taker of the Guerrero legacy. She announced that she can't overrule their decision and cancel the match, but she can change it. She said the main event will be a six-on-one handicapped match against Taker instead. I don't know if the Board is going to like that.

[Commercial Break]

4 -- FUNAKI vs. VLADIMIR KOZLOV

Foley said he comes to the ring with all the flash and dazzle of a UPS truck, but once he's in the ring, he's a Mack truck. Foley said Kozlov has been virtually unstoppable during his undefeated streak. Cole took issue with the qualifier, "virtually." He said he hasn't been taken off of his feet and every move has a purpose. Foley said he doesn't consider himself a sadist and he kinda likes Funaki, but he's looking for more viciousness from him. "There are a lot of ways to hurt people and I want to see a few more of them," said Foley in response to Kozlov's methodical, arm-centric offense. Kozlov tossed Funaki over his head with a suplex, then closed with his finisher. Foley sang an impromptu theme song for Kozlov with the lyric, "A little bit of Kozlov in my life."

WINNER: Kozlov in 2:00. They're building Kozlov up as being dominant and unique enough to be intrigued how he'll do when he faces real competition eventually. If they played their cards right, a PPV match against Punk, for instance, could be intriguing if it were his first match against an upper-card wrestler.

[Commercial Break]

5 -- MARYSE (w/Deuce, Domino) vs. CHERRY

Foley is getting looser and goofier on commentary as the weeks go on, including breaking into Dee Snyder's "She's not going to take it, she's not going to take it anymore." He's really made Smackdown better. Maryse took early control with a drop toe hold and some kicks. Cherry came back with a bulldog for the win. Deuce and Domino were shocked. Cole was amazed, too, at her second win in a row since trading in her roller skates for wrestling boots.

WINNER: Cherry in 2:00.

[Commercial Break]

-Several commercials aired throughout the show for Judgment Day, each focused on an individual top tier match at Judgment Day. Cole and Foley then hyped the entire line-up.

-Kofi Kingston congratulated Matt Hardy on his DVD release. "Truly an inspirational story," he said. Hardy said, "Thank you, dude." Hardy told Kofi to keep on rolling. Hardy flirted briefly with Eve Torres, too, who was standing there. Shelton Benjamin walked up and said he overheard that brown-nosing session. Shelton said the Hardys are a thing of the past, whereas the Gold Standard is the new wave of the future. Hardy said in the past Kofi has defeated him twice on ECW. Hardy said the Gold Standard has no gold, except for his haircut, but that doesn't count. Hardy then laughed at his own joke. Cole plugged that Hardy vs. Shelton was up next. Kofi is showing early hints at being a good heel some day as he's relaxed on camera in speaking rolls and has hints of a smarmy side that can be exploited down the line.

[Commercial Break]

6 -- MATT HARDY vs. SHELTON BENJAMIN -- U.S. Hvt. Title match

Okay, now I'm officially a huge Foley fan. He said: "One lesson Shelton might want to teach Matt is not to use the term, 'Dude, that so doesn't count' in reference to his hair.'" Good for Foley. My thoughts exactly. I think Matt's gimmick for the next phase of his career when he no longer looks the part of a heartthrob for female wrestling fans who obsess about men they'll never meet (or hope to meet on a swing through town) on MySpace pages and message boards is for Matt to be portrayed as the guy in his late-30s who still acts, talks, and thinks like a 20 year old college sophomore (minus the education), using terms 20 years too old and obsessing over shallow things most people outgrow by their mid-20s (like text messaging and MySpace strangers worshipping them and saying "Dude" without a hint of irony). Foley is further winning me over by giving Cole a hard time for "reprimanding" him on national TV. Cole insisted it's just a point-counterpoint approach. Cole said it took Hardy a decade to win his first singles championship. Why is Cole still inaccurately saying that when Hardy in a promo a couple weeks back listed several singles titles he's held in WWE, such as the European, Cruiserweight, and Hardcore belts? Foley said Shelton has great athleticism, but something isn't clear, which is whether he has the drive to be the best he can be. Out of nowhere Hardy hit the Twist of Fate for the win. Foley called it a setback for Shelton.

WINNER: Hardy in 5:00 to retain the U.S. Title.

STAR RATING: * -- Too bad they didn't give them more time. It didn't really have a chance to develop into the showcase match it had the potential to be.

-A video package aired on the Vickie situation, recapping the opening segment.

[Commercial Break]

7 -- ZACH RYDER & CURT HAWKINS & EDGE & VICKIE GUERRERO vs. UNDERTAKER

Before the match, Chavo and Neely stood on the stage with their hands on their hips as the rest of their planned teammates walked to the ring. When Edge summoned them, they turned around and walked to the back. Vickie looked petrified as she waited for Undertaker's entrance music. His ring entrance ended with five minutes left in the show. Zach and Curt charged at Taker one after another. He flattened them both. All three heels went after Taker and swarmed him in the corner with kicks and forearms. Edge backed up to protect Vickie. Taker made a comeback against Zach and Curt, then moved toward Edge and Vickie. Zach and Curt jumped Taker from behind and beat hm down again. They got him down on the mat at 2:00. Taker came back and knocked all three men out of the ring. Vickie cried as Taker moved in. Zach and Curt re-entered the ring, but were chokeslammed in stereo. Taker moved in on Vickie again. He grabbed her by the throat and lifted her out of her chair. Edge gave Taker a Spear to save her. Vickie bailed out of the ring and Edge retreated with her. Cole said the question remains which of these two men - Edge or Undertaker - will be World Champion after Judgment Day.

WINNER: No decision in 5:00.


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