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By Wade Keller, Torch editor

KELLER'S WWE RAW REPORT
MAY 12, 2008
DETROIT, MICH. - JOE LOUIS ARENA

WHAT HAPPENED: 1ST HOUR

-The show opened with slo-mo replays of Triple H bashing virtually the entire ECW roster one after another with chairshots, followed by Randy Orton sneaking into the ring and giving Triple H an RKO.

-They went to a live shot of the arena darkened without pryo or lights. Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler introduced the show. The lights came on. William Regal stood mid-ring with Lilian Garcia. He gave her a signal, then she sang: "God Save our Gracious Queen, Long List Our Noble Queen, God Save the Queen." The crowd booed and chanted "You suck!" at Regal. Regal said, "How dare you disrespect my country and how dare you disrespect me." He reminded them he is General Manager and King and he can do whatever he wishes. He said he can even throw people out. He said he would set an example. He walked to ringside and said he wasn't bluffing. He picked out a man and woman in the second row. They weren't even jeering him. Regal ordered security to throw them out. As security talked to them, Mickie James ran out and protested. Regal said he doesn't care if that's her brother and girlfriend. Mickie followed Regal back into the ring. He told her to get out or he'd throw her our. He threatened to strip her of her women's championship. John Cena's music interrupted Regal. The crowd erupted into cheers and some boos. The wide camera angle actually showed the hard camera side of the arena, which is rare (because it shows the empty seats around the hard camera area).

Cena entered the ring and assured Mickie he'd take care of things. Mickie left. Cena said he's been away for a few weeks and he needs to talk to Regal man-to-man. He said he understands that Regal has been put in a tough spot. He has a new position is doing the best he can. He said he knows what it's like to give your soul to the people and have them still tell you "you suck." He said Regal is going about it the wrong way. (Like Cena's way works!) He said everybody is upset with Regal. Regal said not everybody because Vince McMahon endorsed him. "Vince McMahon is insane," responded Cena. "He talks to himself a lot. And on top of that, he's got a bunch of sexual pastimes you can't even find on the internet." Cena produced some emails from WWE fans. He read an email that said Regal shutting off the lights two weeks in a row is disrespectful, so why should he respect Regal. He read another email saying what Regal was doing was "WCW Thunder bad." Cena looked at Regal and said he should know about that. A 75 year old grandmother from Iowa wrote, "William Regal is like pooping in my mouth and calling it a sundae." Cena said he had thousands of emails like that (and apparently no life). The crowd chanted "Fire Regal!"

Regal looked dejected and asked if that's how the people really feel. Cena said of course they do. Regal said he would give his word to them that he wouldn't be turning the lights out in any matches. Regal said Cena hadn't been on Raw in two weeks because he was kicked in the head by Randy Orton at Backlash. He said he was giving him a chance at revenge with a one-on-one match against Orton. The crowd popped. Cena asked at what point should he expect JBL to interfere. Regal said if anyone got involved in his match who wasn't directly involved, they'd be automatically suspended. Regal said, "Perhaps I've earned a little of your respect." His music played and he walked out of the ring. Cena said he didn't earn respect, he made a good match. He said he made Lilian Garcia sing "God Save the Queen." He looked at Regal and said, "You're in the United States of America, son." He said if he keeps making bad decisions, not even God will save him because fans will destroy him. He said he's in Detroit, Hockey Town, Motown. He brought up Aretha Franklin singing a little something about respect. He asked Lilian to sing that to kick off the show the right way. She sang a verse and a chorus of the song. Good segment. I didn't mind the line about Regal being in America.

-Lawler and Ross plugged that Chris Jericho would be apologizing to Shawn Michaels later since he is now convinced Michaels was really injured. Santino & Carlito would also challenge Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes, said Ross. It's nice they took five seconds out to plug a tag team title match. That does so much to make the match, when it happens, seem more relevant and the titles more important. When it's thrown out there without hype, it sends the message it's not worthy of hype.

[Commercial Break]

-Roddy Piper walked to the ring to bagpipe music. They showed the old WWF logo, minus the "F," by his name on the graphic. He shook hands with Ross and Lawler, then sat at ringside.

1 -- CODY RHODES & HARDCORE HOLLY vs. CARLITO & SANTINO MARELLA - WWE Tag Team Title match

Cody shook hands with Piper before the match. Carlito and Piper mouthed off to each other. Ross said there's a "rumor" that Cody & Holly "is going to be short-lived tonight." How is that a "rumor"? That's a "prediction," unless you're acknowledging that a booking decision was made to change the tag titles, but if there's one thing people don't concern themselves with, it's speculating about WWE tag team title changes because WWE has conditioned viewers for years that it's not worth their time and effort. At 2:00 Santino yelled at Piper at ringside. Cody tapped Santino on the shoulder, then DDT'd him for the win.

WINNERS: Cody & Carlito in 2:00 to retain the tag titles. Too short. Tag title matches shouldn't be that short. It just cheapens the whole concept of the tag titles if the top contenders can lose in such a short match. Whatever "loss of viewers" they fear from a longer match isn't a greater price to pay than the loss of prestige of the tag division when the top contenders lose so quickly and suddenly (and, in general, tag title matches on TV are equally short).

-Lawler and Ross speculated about whether Michaels really injured his knee. Lawler said he thinks he did. They introduced text voting on it.

[Commercial Break]

2 -- MR. KENNEDY vs. SNITSKY

Before the match, Mr. Kennedy stepped out onto the stage to his music. He said, "Ladies and gentleman, I have a big mouth, but nobody's gonna shut it for me because I am Misssster Kennnedyyyy!" He then finished his ring entrance. Ross joked that Lilian didn't really need to introduce him after he did himself. Lawler said regarding Snitsky, "When he smiles, traffic slows down." The announcers totally treated Kennedy as a babyface, chatting about his non-stop chattering habit as endearing rather than annoying. Kennedy escaped a bear hug, made a comeback, and won with the Mic Check.

WINNER: Mr. Kennedy in 3:00.

-Ross plugged Cena vs. Orton.

[Commercial Break]

-Todd Grisham interviewed Santino Marella. He said he didn't come this close to winning WWE gold to have it ruined by "that walking antique, Roddy the Piper. This is not the '80s. Hulk Hogan is not champion. Ronald Regan is not President. Michael J. Fox is going back in time to become a werewolf." Grisham said it was "Teenwolf." Santino told him to be quiet, then he looked in the camera and showed some edge as he said he will hurt Piper more than a coconut to the head.

-Mickie thanked Cena for standing up to him. She invited him to join her, her brother, and his boyfriend for drinks later. He acted really serious and said he's got a big match tonight and on Sunday so he can't break his concentration. She asked if he was kidding. He said he was and lightened up. He said he'd be there. He said there were two big reasons he'd show up - her brother's a big fan and her brother's a big fan. He said things could get a little crazy with him, though.

[Commercial Break]

-A commercial aired plugging the DVD release of WrestleMania next week.

3 -- MELINA & "GLAMAZON" BETH PHOENIX vs. MICKIE JAMES & MARIA

Ross talked up Maria's improvement in the ring. Mickie and Maria whipped Melina into the ropes, then both dropped down into the splits and tripped Melina coming off the ropes. Mickie whipped Melina into Phoenix, who was standing on the ring apron. Phoenix seemed upset and stared down Melina. Lawler said there are cartoon daggers shooting out of her eyes. She abandoned Melina, who fell quickly to a neckbreaker by Mickie.

WINNERS: Mickie & Maria in 2:00.

-Ross and Lawler plugged the Michaels injury text message poll again.

[Commercial Break]

-A relatively generic ECW on Sci-Fi commercial aired.

-Ross and Lawler reviewed the early poll results: 72 percent believe Michaels is telling the truth, 28 believe he's not.

WHAT HAPPENED: 2ND HOUR

-Chris Jericho's full introduction took place. He said there's been a lot of controversy lately about Michaels's injury and whether it's real. He threw to a clip of Michaels's bad landing and being helped to the back after throwing the superkick. Jericho cited that 72 percent believe it's real. He said he was in the minority because he was the special ref and didn't buy it. He said he gave him the award for his acting ability not out of maliciousness, but to acknowledge how well he played that injury to a hilt. Jericho said he saw the pain in Michaels's face when he superkicked John Morrison last week, so he believes Michaels is hurt. He said for questioning Michaels's injury and his very integrity, he wanted to apologize to him. He said if he wants to call off their match on Sunday, he understands. He said if he has too much pride, he'll call it off himself. He began talking about how he'll go talk to Regal. Michaels's ring intro music interrupted Jericho mid-sentence. He limped to the ring.

Michaels told Jericho, "Chris, I came out here..." Jericho interrupted. Michaels interrupted back. Jericho interrupted him again. Michaels got frustrated and told him that he's not the one who needs to apologize. He said for the first time in his career, he faked an injury. "You were right," he said. "I'm not hurt." Jericho stared at him and didn't know what to make of his apparent confession. Then he broke into laughter and said, "Nice try. Well played. I know what you're trying to do. You're playing mind games before Judgment Day." He asked Michaels if he has "rookie" spelled on his forehead. He said that mental trickery might work on Batista, but not him.

Michaels said he told Batista and told him and told everybody he'd do whatever it took to win. "I did just that," he said. "You were right. I'm not hurt." Jericho said, "Now you're starting to insult my intelligence, Michaels. The problem with you, Shawn, is you think you're smarter than everyone else. I know you're hurt. It doesn't matter what you say or what you do..." Michaels then superkicked him. Jericho went down. Michaels limped over to him as fans chanted "HBK, HBK." He leaned down and told him, "Trust me when I tell ya', I'm not hurt." Fans laughed, then his music played. He bounced over the top rope to the floor and walked ot the back without a limp.

[Commercial Break]

-Jeff Hardy's entrance music played. Ross and Lawler acted surprised. Hardy danced onto the stage to a crowd pop of squeals. Lilian told fans to "welcome back Jeff Hardy!" Ross called it a wonderful surprise. Hardy said, "Man, it feels good to be back!" He said he never wanted to be away from any of them. "The truth is, I made a mistake and I paid for it. Now that I'm back, I've got a lot of things to do. Like become Intercont..." The mic went dead. Regal walked out to his music and the asked, "Is there something wrong with your mic? There's something obviously wrong with you. You need to pay for your sins, therefore you're about to compete against this man." Out walked Umaga.

4 -- JEFF HARDY vs. UMAGA

Lawler said he didn't think Hardy came out to compete. He just came out to explain his actions. Hardy slidekicked Umaga, then slingshot himself onto Umaga at ringside. Umaga tossed Hardy into the railing, then into the ring to officially start the match. A loud, "Let's go Hardy!" chant broke out. Umaga hit Hardy with a diving headbutt off the second rope. Hardy avoided a butt-charge in the corner, then surprised Umaga with a Whisper in the Wind and three count (barely, as Umaga kicked out at 3.01).

WINNER: Hardy in 1:00.

[Commercial Break]

5 -- CRYME TYME vs. LANCE CADE & TREVOR MURDOCH

J.T.G. spent a little quality time with a Hulk Hogan impersonator at ringside in the opening minute of the match. A minute into it, Murdoch leverage pinned J.T.G. Cade was super-happy, hugging Murdoch immediately after the three count. Ross said they're "back on a roll."

WINNERS: Cade & Murdoch in 2:00.

-Cade brought a mic into the ring and told Murdoch that's what he's been waiting for. He said maybe his singing has something to do with it. He asked the crowd if they want to hear him sing. It got a mixed response, which Lawler acknowledged. Cade said it doesn't matter what the want, it matters what he wants. He told Murdoch to sing their victory song. Murdoch sang "The Gambler." Cade then punched Murdoch right in the face out of nowhere. He gave him some Mr. Kennedy body language. Murdoch, in shock, tried to get up. Cade punched him again. Good. It's about time they move this never-ending storyline to the next stage. The made Murdoch a likable guy. Cade played the heel body language well afterward. They need some fresh singles acts, and these two are deserving candidates for that.

[Commercial Break]

-Ross and Lawler plugged the latest WWE Magazine with Triple H dressing up as Nailz. Get ready to be sexually harassed, Triple H!

-Glamazon confronted Melina backstage and accused her of knocking her off the ring apron intentionally. Melina attacked Glamazon. She lifted Melina and smashed her into the lockers, then pounded her on the floor. Referees ran in to break them up as Jillian Hall cried for them to stop. She tended to Melina as the refs yanked Glamazon away.

-Ross and Lawler hyped the Judgment Day line-up.

-Grisham interviewed Orton backstage. He gave his now-signature serious, top level star matter-of-fact promo talking about Triple H having one lucky night, but insisting it's the Age of Orton and he'll regain the title on Sunday. He said Cena is about to learn that he's the most athletically gifted performer in WWE, but he's also the smartest.

[Commercial Break]

-An ECW on Sci-Fi commercial hyped C.M. Punk vs. The Miz and also John Morrison vs. Kane.

6 -- RANDY ORTON vs. JOHN CENA

Orton came out to new entrance music with the words repeated, "They talk to me." Not a great first impression as far as a catchy, electrifying entrance song. Lawler said Orton looks like something Michelangelo chiseled out of stone. Cena came out next. Orton didn't waste time going right to a headlock in the opening seconds. Ross called it a methodical offensive gameplan. Cena escaped and made a comeback right away. Orton kicked out at one when Cena went for an early pin. The pace was fast as Cena hit a suplex and scored a two count at 2:00. The crowd battled with pro-Cena and pro-Orton chants. Cena blocked a stomp by grabbing Orton's leg, then tossed Orton over the top rope. They cut to a break at 3:00.

[Commercial Break]

After the break, Orton had Cena in a (drum roll...) headlock. They showed that during the break, Orton kicked Cena in the head as he entered the ring, then DDT'd him off the ropes. At 8:00 Cena came back with a legdrop off the ropes to the back of Orton's neck. JBL and Regal stepped out onto the stage. JBL was wearing a referee shirt and said Regal has determined the ref was not doing his job well, so he would replace him. Cena took a deep breath with hands on hips and waited for JBL to arrive in the ring. Cena punched JBL as soon as he entered the ring and knocked him to the floor. Cena went on a flurry of offense against Orton and set up an FU. JBL kicked Cena in the face. Orton landed on top. JBL slapped the mat super-quickly three times and awarded Orton the win.

WINNER: Orton in 10:00.

STAR RATING: **

-Cena punched away at JBL afterward until Orton entered and held Cena as JBL punched him. Triple H's music played. He walked out and went right after JBL, then Orton. Cena threw JBL out of the ring and brawled with him at ringside and then into the crowd and to the back. Meanwhile, in the ring, Hunter charged Orton in the corner. Orton lifted his boot and then pounded away at Triple H on the mat. The cage above the ring began lowering. Lawler said Regal must be behind it. The crowd chanted, "Triple H, Triple H." Triple H threw Orton into the cage, which gave way as the walls weren't secured. He fell to the floor. Hunter climbed to the top of the cage and posed as the show ended.

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