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By Wade Keller, Torch editor

KELLER WWE SMACKDOWN REPORT
JANUARY 11, 2008
TAPED TUESDAY, AIRED ON THE CW

WHAT HAPPENED: 1ST HOUR

-A three minute recap aired of last week's Beat the Clock Tournament (the best "theme show" of the week). In the ring, Vickie Guerrero sat mid-ring in her wheelchair with Teddy Long dutifully standing behind her with his hands on the handles. Vickie happily introduced Rey Mysterio, calling him a good friend and the new no. 1 contender for the World Title headed to the Royal Rumble. Michael Cole and Coach talked about Rey earning his title shot. Coach has been Captain Obvious, Captain Bland, and Captain Cliche so far as color commentator on Smakdown.

Rey entered the ring. Vickie said she wanted to be the first to congratulate Rey. Does she think no one congratulated Rey since last week? Rey said it feels strange for her to congratulate him because he knows she's rooting for his opponent. He said he still cares about her and her family. She said that's her private life. He said he saw them make out backstage. "Please, what's going on?" Rey asked, saying she's not the Vickie she knows. She said she has every right to move on in her life. He asked, "What about..." She said, "Eddie? Is that what you were going to say?" She said Eddie is gone, but he loved her so much, he would have wanted her to move on in her life. She said she's in her 30s and can still have children. She said Edge would make a great father-figure. She asked if he had a problem with that. Rey said Edge doesn't really love her.

Edge came out and said how dare Rey suggest he not love her. Edge said no matter what happens at the Royal Rumble, he will still in love with her. Rey said maybe so, but he won't still be World Champion. Chavo Guerrero walked out. He told Rey to mind his own business. He said no matter how hard he tries, he'll never be a Guerrero. Chavo then turned and asked Vickie how she can call herself a Guerrero, especially when ever member of the Guerrero family is disgusted with what she is doing. Vickie responded by booking Rey and Chavo against each other. Cole called her a vindictive, scorned, and embarrassed G.M.

[Commercial Brea]

-Cole and Coach were shown on camera. He said the big news from WWE.com this week was that Undertaker and Batista have been entered into the Royal Rumble match.

1 -- CHUCK PALUMBO (w/Michelle McCool) vs. JAMIE NOBLE

Cole said "his sources" have told him Chuck apologized to Michelle. Coach said Noble could make history by beating Palumbo four times in a row. Bland-o. Palumbo pounded Noble on the ground UFC-style with Noble covering himself in a guard. Michelle is morphing into Sunshine from WCCW in the early-80s. Coach said, "A good big man always beat a good little man, and that is coming to fruition here tonight." Could Coach be any worse? It's just one empty, bland cliche after another. He's just sleepwalking through this, with no personality to make him entertaining and no qualifications to make his straight-analyst approach credible. Noble surprised Palumbo with a crucifix for the leverage pin out of nowhere. Coach said, "Michelle can't believe it, and quite frankly, neither can I?" Why say "quite frankly" there? Does he think people will be amazed at just "how frank" he's being by saying he can't believe Noble won four times in a row over Palumbo? Is that such an amazing admission, he think he needs to preface it with the cliche "quite frankly"?

WINNER: Noble in 4:00.

STAR RATING: * -- There was some good stuff here in that they broke the mold of performing and seemed to be really fighting. Still, too short and one dimensional to be anything that stood out otherwise.

-After the match, Noble celebrated and returned to the back. Palumbo approached Michelle and made intimidating motions toward her with his body language and facial expressions. She backed up into the corner, looking scared and submissive. The crowd chanted "Chuck's a loser!" Noble stood on the stage and watched. Palumbo got bug-eyed and stared back at Noble. The announcers wisely didn't talk and let the body language of everyone tell a story. Tenay would have been interjecting every five seconds, stating the obvious needlessly.

-Edge approached Vickie backstage. Vickie said she's so lucky to have someone like him in her life. Edge said he's the lucky one. He told her not to worry about what others are saying. He offered her a back massage to ease the tension.

-They showed Batista heading toward the entrance tunnel.

[Commercial Break]

-Coach and Cole plugged Rey vs. Chavo and Undertaker vs. Mark Henry & Matt Striker as upcoming matches on the show.

-MVP cut a mid-ring promo. He talked about all of his success so far in his short career, then said he wishes Ric Flair was here. He said he is in Japan preparing for life after retirement.

2 -- MVP vs. BATISTA

Coach showed some personality as he gave Flair a hard time for being out of the country, avoiding MVP's challenge. Cole said he was representing WWE. The match began with an MVP headlock, and then Batista countered with his own side headlock. Coach praised MVP for being determined to make a name for himself. At 3:00 MVP gave Batista a running boot to knock him to the floor. They cut to a break.

[Commercial Break]

MVP went back to a mat hold. Coach said, with words more empty than fathomable, that this was the best he's seen MVP perform. MVP held onto a headlock despite Batista's attempt to slam him out of it. Batista finally powered out and then charged MVP in the corner with a shoulder and followed up with two clotheslines and a sideslam for a two count. Batista hit a spinebuster, shook the top rope, and signalled for a Batista Bomb. Coach said Batista shouldn't celebrate yet. MVP escaped to ringside and caught Batista with a punch and a kick to take control. MVP set up a piledriver o the floor, but Batista backdropped out of it. When Batista went for a clothesline, MVP moved and Batista's arm hit the ringpost. The ref counted both men as they were on the floor. Batista knocked MVP off the ring apron to win by countout. MVP wound up to hit Batista with a chair afterward, but Batista speared him instead.

WINNER: Batista via countout in 12:00.

STAR RATING: * -- Too much standing mid-ring and holding onto each other's head throughout. It wasn't all bad, but Batista dragged MVP down from his usual level.

[Commercial Break]

WHAT HAPPENED: 2ND HOUR

3 -- MARK HENRY & MATT STRIKER vs. UNDERTAKER

Taker dominated early against Henry. Striker distracted Taker as he began the rope walk. Henry yanked Taker to the ground, then Striker demanded to tag in. Taker immediately sat up, so Striker rescinded his request quickly. Taker beat up both men at once. He gave Striker snake-eyes, then went back to the top rope walk, this time coming off with a forearm. Undertaker tombstoned Striker for the three count.

WINNER: Undertaker in 2:00.

STAR RATING: 1/2* -- Short, but effective at giving Taker a decisive TV win.

-After the match, Big Daddy V came to the ring and went after Taker. Taker fought off both Henry and V for a minute, but they eventually overwhelmed him. Taker managed to DDT Henry and hit Daddy V with a flying clothesline. He finished with a chokeslam on Henry. Cole said he looks ready for the Rumble match. He wondered who could get him over the top rope.

-Hornswoggle looked to Papa Vince for a pep talk for his arm wrestling match up next against Runjin Singh. Vince said he was proud of him last week for earning a slot in the Rumble. He said he can win it and move on to headline WrestleMania. Hornswoggle made noises and smiled, then scurried off. Fit Finlay walked in and told Vince he should be proud of him. Finlay told Vince he isn't holding up his end of the bargain. Vince looked at him and told him not to ever make reference to their deal again. Finlay told him not to talk to him that way. He asked how he expects Hornswoggle to survive against 28 other superstars. Vince said he can be in the Rumble and look after him. Intriguing. What is their agreement?

[Commercial Break]

-As Khali walked to the ring with Runjin Singh, Coach wondered how they'd call a favorite. He wondered if there is a weight difference. Singh told the fans that they've all read about Khali's impressive weight regimine on WWE.com. He said he's practiced it himself, and based on his training, he's going to soundly defeat Hornswoggle in arm wrestling. Finlay accompanied Hornswoggle to the ring. Hornswoggle couldn't reach onto the table. He got frustrated. The ref asked for a chair from ringside. Hornswoggle stood on it. That worked. They're geniuses, I tell you. Runjin stalled, taking off his jacket and loosening his shirt. Finlay plled out an electric box and secretly turned it on, causing Singh to scream in pain when he was zapped somehow. Finlay had Hornswoggle put on a yellow glove, which insulated him from the zapping. Hornswoggle thus easily won. That was pretty convoluted, but I can say original. Hornswoggle low-fived Finlay, at which point Khali kicked him in the face. Khali backed Hornswoggle into the corner and grabbed him by the throat. Finlay hit him with a steel chair across the back and again across the shoulder. Khali bailed out. Finlay had a trail of blood on his forehead.

[Commercial Break]

4 -- KANE vs. DOMINO (w/Deuce, Cherry)

WINNER: Kane in 2:00 after a flying clothesline and a chokeslam.

STAR RATING: 1/4* -- Just a short TV showcase match for Kane.

-A vignette aired promoting that Eve was coming to Smackdown.

[Commercial Break]

-Cole and Coach ran down the line-up for the Royal Rumble. They went to clips of a match between Rey and Chavo from Oct. 20, 2006, which Cole characterized as "a couple of years ago" (15 months, actually), where Chavo injured Rey's knee in an I Quit match. Then they went to clips from Sept. 7, 2007 (what Cole would call "a year ago or so") with Rey getting revenge.

[Commercial Break]

5 -- CHAVO GUERRERO vs. REY MYSTERIO

As the match was about to begin, Edge's ring intro interrupted. He walked out with the World Title belt over his shoulder. He joined Coach and Cole at ringside. He turned down Cole's attempt to shake his hand. Edge gave Cole a hard time for predicting that Rey will take his title at the Rumble. Edge said he's tired of people fixating on his personal life. Cole said there was whispers and rumors in the locker room that Edge doesn't really love Rey. He asked if Cole was a little school girl. He asked when he became a relationship expert, "and no, your fling with your summer pool boy doesn't count," said Edge. This week has had the first strong overt suggestions on air that Edge is using Vickie. Cole asked if he planned to have kids with Vickie. Edge said that's his business and no one else's. At 2:00 they cut to a break after Chavo dumped Rey onto the ringside steps.

[Commercial Break]

Chavo applied an armbar on Rey after the break. Edge said Rey is the "human CGI" who does things that aren't possible, so it's tough to prepare to wrestle him, but he'll be ready at the Rumble. Edge told Cole he resents his smarmy tone. Edge admitted Rey may be the most exciting wrestler in the history of the industry. They botched a head scissors at 12:00. Edge told Cole he's won 22 titles and he's one of the most decorated wrestlers in the industry's history. Rey dove onto Chavo with a Drop of the Dime 2 off the top rope onto the floor. Back in the ring Rey scored a near fall after a flip onto Chavo. Chavo went for three suplexes, but Rey escaped after one and hit the 619, then a top rope splash (which Cole called a frog splash - it was the opposite as there was zero tuck by Rey) for the three count.

WINNER: Rey in 16:00.

STAR RATING: *3/4

-Edge attacked Rey after the match. Rey came back and set up a 619, but Edge's Edgeheads intervened to stop him. They held Rey as Edge beat on them. Edge trash-talked Rey with the belt shoved in his face as the show ended. "You can't do it!" he told Rey.

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