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KELLER'S TNA AGAINST ALL ODDS PPV REPORT
FEBRUARY 8, 2009
ORLANDO, FLA. AT UNIVERSAL STUDIOS

-They opened with footage of the Main Event Mafia arriving, sans Sting, in a black Hummer limo. Then Team 3D arrived in a cool blue car. Then Sting arrived on his own in a cool yellow sports car with side doors that lifted up as they swung open. Was there a car show in town? It's a nice touch to create the sense that the TNA wrestlers are top shelf celebrities by having them arrive in sweet cards. Mike Tenay and Don West commented on the arrivals. Tenay reminded viewers that Sting said if anyone but him walks out with the TNA World Hvt. Title, it will tarnish the belt.

-A video package aired with all of that nonsense hifalutin empty phrases that tie into the theme of "Against All Odds." The narrator said that "the stories that unfold in the six-sided ring tonight will live on forever." As the narrator talked of "great men," they went to a clip of ODB.

1 -- ALEX SHELLEY vs. ERIC YOUNG -- X Division Title

Tenay ran down the backstory to the match with bullet points listed on the screen. Eric Young actually kinda walks to the ring a little bit like Mr. McMahon does, with a casual swinging of arms and swelled out chest. Tenay touted the jam packed standing room only crowd at the Impact Zone. Young dove onto Shelley with a crossbody block at 1:00 at ringside. Shelley came back and tripped Young on the ring apron. They fought back into the ring where Shelley caught Young coming off the ropes with a dropkick and then posed in celebration. West said sometimes Shelley and his partner Chris Sabin piss him off (his words) and other times he sings their praises. Shelley went on sustained offense. At 6:00 Young made a comeback with a faceplant out of nowhere. Young climbed to the top rope, but Shelley met him up top and gave him a jawbreaker. He followed with a hard clothesline in the corner. Young blocked a second clothesline and then kicked him the back. Young went for a Death Valley Driver, but Shelley slipped out. Young came back with a drop toe hold and then hit a legdrop of the ropes to the back of Shelley's neck leading to a two count. Shelley avoided Young's moonsault, then scored a two count with a move West compared to a Lethal Combination. Shelley went for Sliced Bread, but Young caught him and countered with a flapjack attempt. Shelley flipped out of that and hit Sliced Bread for a near fall. Shelley then set Young on the top rope. Young countered, but Shelley changed mid-air into a bulldog off the ropes. He followed with a frog splash for a near fall at 11:00. Convincing, dramatic near fall that popped the crowd. Young and Shelley struggled on the top rope to counter each other. Young managed to give Shelley a Snake Eyes. Shelley was knocked out immediately and fell limp to the mat. The ref asked Young to back off as he checked on Shelley. Young protested. Shelley got up and schoolboyed Young from behind for the sudden win.

WINNER: Shelley in 12:00.

STAR RATING: ***1/4 -- That was one of Young better singles matches ever, and just a strong one-on-one opener. It's refreshing that it wasn't an eight-person spotfest. It's disappointing the X Title is relegated to the warm-up slot.

-The showed Detroit Tiger pitcher Joel Zumaya sitting in the front row. He's in town for spring training.

-Jeremy Borash interviewed Angle backstage. It appears Borash is growing monster sideburns. He asked Angle about Sting arriving separately, but his guaranteeing that a member of MEM would leave with the title. Angle said Borash has never been an athlete and wouldn't understand, but both he and Sting want to win. He said they'll push each other like champions do, but in the end, the MEM will be a closer family than ever.

2 -- SCOTT STEINER vs. PETEY WILLIAMS

Scott easily overpowered Petey early and shoved him to the mat. Petey caught Steiner with a kick to the knee to take over. He followed with a spin kick a minute later. Steiner soon took control again and began dominating Petey to the point of even lifting his shoulder during a pin attempt at 4:00. He did it again seconds later after a suplex. And again. Fans chanted "You still suck" at him. Tenay said he should just end it. West said Petey has so much heart to come back after what the MEM did to him. West held out hope his superior conditioning would prevail in the end. Steiner set Petey on the top rope, but Petey shoved Steiner to the mat and hit a top rope bodyblock. He hit two forearms and a kick to the gut, then a DDT. They ran into technical difficulties for about 30 seconds and the screen went blank. Back live, Steiner blocked a Canadian Destroyer and slammed Petey to the mat. Petey came back again at 7:00, but Steiner avoided a charge in the corner. Petey surprised Steiner with a schoolboy in a similar finish as what Shelley did to Young. Petey dropkicked Steiner, sending him through the ropes to the floor. Petey dove over the top rope and attempted a huracanrana, but Steiner powerbombed him to the mat. Petey landed awkwardly because his right shoulder caught the edge of the ring apron. Steiner put Petey in a Steiner Recliner in center-ring. Petey reached the middle rope to force a break. Steiner gave Petey the Steiner Screwdriver, a leaping piledriver. That looks too dangerous to do regularly. Steiner cut a promo afterward about representing the Mafia. He said, "This is how I finish the job." He lifted Petey onto the top rope and set up a Samoan drop to the mat.

WINNER: Steiner in 10:00.

STAR RATING: *1/2 -- Petey kept the action decent. Steiner looked rough and limited.

-Afterward, Samoa Joe's music played. Joe appeared on the big screen. He shouted so loud that he overmodulated the mic. He addressed Steiner and said he is one of the five who is responsible for the sins he's about to commit. He said honor demands that he must do unto others as they have done to him, and he will be the first he introduces to his Nation of Violence. Steiner stood on the second rope and shouted back without a mic. A "Joe's gonna kill you!" chant started briefly.

-They showed Tenay and West on camera. Tenay said he anticipates seeing a different side of Joe then they've ever seen before. They previewed the rest of the line-up.

-Borash interviewed Mick Foley and Sting backstage. Foley said he hopes Angle doesn't win the title tonight because he can't stand him. Sting told him he can't stand there idle as he talks about another member of the Mafia that way. Foley said he doesn't deny the skill and accomplishments of the Main Event Mafia members. He wished Sting luck and shook his hand. Sting said with all he's accomplished in the business, that means a lot to him right now. Sting told Borash that Kurt wants to beat him and he wants to be beat Kurt, and there has to be a winner and a loser, but they'll wake up tomorrow to fight for respect. He didn't repeat his previous statement referenced earlier that the belt will be tarnished if anyone but him walks out with the title.

3 -- BRUTUS MAGNUS vs. CHRIS SABIN

This Gladiator gimmick reeks a bit of early-'90s WCW gimmicks that were cartoonish and felt contrived. It's tough to do these gimmicks and not seem like a corny wrestling gimmick stereotype. He cut a promo before the match and said he doesn't fit a typical American stereotype of a Brit. He said he is a modern day gladiator who is hungry for victory. He said he understands someone has accepted his open challenge. Magnus overpowered Sabin early, then posed and showboated like Matt Morgan. Magnus went for a press slam at 2:00, but Sabin escaped and dropkicked his legs, just as Petey did against Steiner in the previous match. Sabin went for a crossbody block, but Magnus caught him and turned it into a snake eyes. He followed by a running moot and a kneedrop for a one count. Magnus stayed on offense. When he settled into a brief chinlock, the crowd chanted boring. Sabin came back with a springboard clothesline leading to a two count. Sabin elbowed out of a back suplex attempt, but Magnus gave him a powerbomb a few seconds later for a two count. Sabin hit a flying bodyblock at ringside to slow Magnus. The crowd chanted "TNA, TNA." Magnus bumped into the top rope to knock Sabin off balance, and then hit his Tormentum finisher. Somehow the ref was involved in Magnus bumping into the top rope, but it wasn' clear how it created an excuse for Sabin to lose.

WINNER: Magnus in 7:00.

STAR RATING: *1/4 -- If they're going to do anything with Magnus, he had to win this. Magnus looks okay. A little green and rudimentary, but some potential is there with the ring presence. They cut away from the match really quickly after the pin, making it seem almost irrelevant.

-Lauren interviewed Brother Devon and Brother Ray. Devon said that as Sting and Angle are sizing each other up, they seem to be underestimating their chances at stealing a victory. Devon said they know what they have to do to capture the TNA World Title. Lauren asked how they will deal with there being only one winner in this match. Devon said that puts them in the same boat as Sting and Angle. He said he and Ray are blood and they got in the business to be the best, and after this match no matter what happens they'll be better partners. Ray said Devon should become a motivational speaker after his wrestling career is over. He said he should be more serious. He said after wining 21 tag team titles in every city all over the world, you ask yourself if you could do it yourself. He said tonight might be the first step in their future. "Can either one of us get it done on our own," he said. He said one thing is for sure, Dudley Blood is thicker than water. Can he say that? Ray then invited Lauren to come with them as they go talk to Sting.

-A video package aired on the Knockouts Title match.

4 -- AWESOME KONG (w/Ryesha Saeed, Soujourner Bolt, Rhaka Khan) vs. ODB -- Knockouts Title match

Jim Cornette came out before the match and reiterated what he said at Impact, which is that there were to be none of the Kongtourage at ringside for Kong's match. He said they have to make a decision - either return to the back or stay and he'll hand the title belt to ODB. Bolt was hilarious in reacting to wanting to stay at ringside as if that was the end of his Option B, then threw a fit when he said what would happen if they did stay. He counted toward 10, just like a parent warning a kid. Kong got in Cornette's face at ringside. ODB jumped Kong from behind to jump-start the match. ODB came off the ropes at 2:00 and Kong caught her with a clothesline or single-arm slam, and seemed to be half way between each and ODB landed awkwardly. ODB attempted to lift Kong a minute later, but she fell backwards. Kong lifted ODB before the three count, just as Steiner did earlier with Petey. TNA has this habit of establishing a theme during PPVs where they use some of the same bag-o-tricks from one match to another. When Kong went for a big splash, ODB moved. The crowd chanted "ODB, ODB." Kong and ODB had a mid-ring slugfest. ODB began ramming ODB's head into various turnbuckles. Then she slammed her. The crowd popped for it because she failed earlier, which defined it as a difficult move to pull off. ODB slapped herself in the face to get psyched up. She went for a spinning backfist, but Kong blocked it and gave her an Impact Buster for the win.

WINNER: Kong in 6:00 to retain the TNA World Hvt. Title.

STAR RATING: 3/4* -- Kinda clunky with some awkward timing, but they told a good story and had the crowd into it most of the way.

-Sting told "Bubba" he'd given him a minute, but nothing more. Brother Ray said the Man Event Mafia stand for ego, whereas he (Sting) stands for respect. He said tonight he can redeem himself for his association with the Mafia. He said he's coming for his title as hard as Devon and Angle will, and he hopes he does the right thing. He said in case the old Sting shows up, he and Devon has his back. That was pretty confusing, given that it's an every-man-for-himself, so does Ray want the title or is he going to have Sting's back and what exactly is "doing the right thing" other than trying to win and retain his title. Ray and Devon walked away. Lauren said Angle told her he wants to speak to him. Sting looked bothered by what Ray just said, so he told Lauren he'd talk to Angle on his own time.

5 -- BOOKER T (w/Sharmell) vs. SHANE SEWELL

Sewell wore blue jeans, tennis shoes, and a ref shirt with a big red TNA logo on it. Pretty embarrassing. It's established he wrestled before, so why is he dressed like a guy showing up at a sports bar for a beer and chicken wings? Booker stalled early, then took over with some chops in the corner. Shane did that ridiculous looking Hulking up red-faced shaking routine and made a comeback at 4:00. He hit two clotheslines and a bodyslam, the first sequence you see every green indy wrestler do on their first match at the local bar or high school. He followed with a bulldog, but Sharmell tripped him coming off the ropes. Booker then hit an axe kick for the win. Sharmell celebrated. Booker trash-talked Sewell afterward. A.J. Styles charged out to the ring before Booker could take it any further. Tenay said they hadn't seen Styles for a month. He pummeled Booker and clotheslined him over the top rope to the floor.

WINNER: Booker T in 5:00.

STAR RATING: 1/4* -- Just pointless goofing off. I'm not into the Shane Sewell storyline or character all, and Booker's not much better these days (except when he calls Sewell "Shane Stool," which is pretty funny).

-Styles stood in the ring with the Legends Title belt that Booker created and TNA inexplicably apparently recognizes. Styles said he didn't grow up with a silver spoon in his mouth. "To be quite honest, I grew up dirt poor." He said what got him from there to here is a dream to become the best pro wrestler in the world. He said he wanted to become a legend. He said that doesn't mean he has the biggest house or all the cars or all the cash in the world. He said a legend is when the fans spend their hard-earned money to see him wrestle and know he'll give them everything he has every night. He said there are pieces of him scattered in every ring in every arena around the world, and he was happy to do it for them. He said it's time for him to step up and be that legend. He said there can be only one Phenomenal One. He extended his arms as his music played. Tenay welcomed him back to TNA.

-Lauren interviewed Matt Morgan. She said it's not too late, she can talk to Abyss and have him back out of the match. Morgan said he had an infection in his arm removed just six days ago that was seven inches deep in his bone. When Lauren began to talk, Morgan stole Rhino's gimmick by yelling at the top of his lungs for her to just hold the mic. Morgan said her boy is half-retarded and the weak link of their team. He said if Lauren comes to the ring, he'll hand her her ass too and lay her ass out next to her boy Abyss.

6 -- MATT MORGAN vs. ABYSS

They brawled in the ring, at ringside, and then around the arena in the opening minutes. At 6:00 they returned to the ring. Abyss had a chair and held it in the air. The ref took it from him. Morgan then caught Abyss with his Carbon Footprint. Morgan rear-elbowed Abyss in the head a few times. Morgan gave Abyss his legdrop off the ring apron. Morgan's gimmick should be The Plagiarist. Not that everyone doesn't borrow some moves from others, but there's something about how many other wrestlers' signature moves and mannerisms he uses during his matches that just seems a little wrong. He's like a human video game character who's acquired everyone else's signature moves. Morgan climbed to the top rope and leaped at Abyss at 10:00 Abyss caught him by the throat. Morgan broke free. They collided mid-ring with dual clotheslines. Abyss hit a sideslam a minute later and went for a cover. He actually got up as if Morgan kicked out, but Morgan didn't kick out yet. West called it and said perhaps Abyss got up so he could dish out punishment with thumb tacks. Abyss grabbed his bag of tacks and held them up to the crowd. Morgan recovered and hit Abyss. The ref threw the tacks out of the ring. Abyss bumped into the ref by mistake. Morgan then bashed Abyss with a stiff unprotected chairshot to his skull. What a dummy, to use Dixie Carter's words. Morgan went for another chairshot, but Abyss popped up and chokeslammed him for a near fall. The chokeslam was sloppy. Abyss set a chair on Morgan's chest. Morgan tilted the chair sideways to catch Abyss in the crotch as he dove on Morgan. Mogan chokeslammed Abyss onto a chair for a nearfall. Abyss swung a chair at Morgan, but Morgan yanked the ref into the path and ref Rudy Charles took the shot to his skull. I'm glad TNA apparently found a cure for post-concussion syndrome, because there's no way they'd let so many unprotected chairshots take place given what everyone knows about the risks involved short-term and especially cumulatively long-term. Abyss gave Morgan a Black Hole Slam. A second ref, Slick Johnson, ran out to make the count. Morgan kicked out. Morgan gave Abyss a low-blow, but when he went for a kick, Abyss instead gave him another Black Hole Slam for the win. Afterward, Abyss yanked off Morgan shirt, revealing his shoulder was taped up from the surgery for his arm infection. Morgan rolled out of the ring and retreated to the back before Abyss could slam him onto the thumb tacks.

WINNER: Abyss in 15:00.


STAR RATING: *1/2

-Borash was backstage with the Main Event Mafia. Booker T did his rambling routine. Nash told Booker it's not about him. Booker's tone is so slap-stick, it really breaks the realism of any segment he's in. Steiner massaged Booker's shoulder in the background as Sting sat down to talk to Angle. Angle said he hopes he doesn't believe a word Brother Ray said to him. He said he doesn't care about him because he's not family. Angle said Ray has a bigger ego than the whole locker room combined. Angle said they made a pact and he needs him to stay loyal for them to win the war. Angle said they will be opponents tonight, but regardless of the outcome, tomorrow the MEM will be strong of a family as they've ever been. He asked Sting if they have an agreement. Sting stood up, shook Angle's hand, and hugged him. Sting walked away. Angle told Nash to keep an eye on him. Seriously, Booker just ruins the scene with his tone-deaf cartoon antics in the background. His new approach to his character is really off the rails, but he's not coming across as someone who's open to being second-guessed or steered in a new direction. What's worse is Don West now sounds like he's doing a parody of Booker T's parody of him on Impact two weeks ago, going more into the Wolfman Jack tone of voice than in the past.

7 -- BEER MONEY INC. (James Storm & Robert Roode w/Miss Jacqueline) vs. "BLACK MACHISMO" JAY LETHAL & CONSEQUENCES CREED -- TNA Tag Team Title match

A few minutes in, Creed and Lethal yanked Roode crotch-first into Roode's face, as Roode was hanging upside down in the corner. West said, "I don't know who that was better for." Tenay's voice cracked as he said, "Excuse me?" Roode mistakenly spit beer in the face of Storm at ringside. Lethal threw Roode back into the ring and hit a top rope axe handle, Randy Savage-style. Chaos broke out at 6:00 with Roode and Lethal brawling at ringside as Storm and Lethal fought in the ring. The heels took over on Lethal for several minutes. Creed got the hot-tag at 10:00 and hit a high crossbody block off the top rope for a near fall on Storm, with Roode making the save. The heel duo got a sustained beatdown on Creed. Lethal hot-tagged in at 14:00. Lethal hit a top rope elbow on Roode for a near fall, broken up by Storm. During a four-way brawl, Jackie entered. She got backdropped by Lethal and Roode inadvertently. Lethal gave Roode the Lethal Combination for a very near fall. Lethal and Creed gave Roode a flapback for another near fall. Jackie handed Storm a chair. He KO'd Lethal with it as the ref was distracted by Jackie, leading to the pin. How many times did Jackie take part in that exactly finish in Tennessee over the last two decades?

WINNERS: Beer Money Inc. in 17:00.

STAR RATING: **1/4 -- Pretty standard formula match. I like the late placement on the card for the sake of the general prestige of the tag team titles, but it didn't feel important otherwise and the finish is an old school cliche. This might have been a time to give the heel champions a strong clean win against a babyface challenger team. It wouldn't have been a burial of the faces, but rather just a show of strength by the heels, which isn't bad to do now and then just to break from the "heels only win by cheating" formula that's easy to fall into.

-Mick Foley walked out to do commentary with Tenay and West at ringside for the main event. Foley said he's returned to the place where some of his favorite wrestling memories took place. He said he was quoting Randy the Ram and said, "I'm good to go."

8 -- STING vs. KURT ANGLE vs. BROTHER RAY vs. BROTHER DEVON -- TNA World Heavyweight Title match

Foley said he was surprised that Team 3D were even on talking terms with Sting. West said he thinks Ray and Devon used great strategy because it planted the seed with Sting that maybe Angle's not on his side, or he shouldn't be on Angle's side. Sting walked toward the entrance tunnel backstage looking like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. Foley said he can only guess what's going on in Sting's head. Tenay told Foley this has "that big match feel." Foley agreed and said the fans are ratcheted up a notch.

Team 3D jump-started the match. Then it moved to Ray and Sting battling, and Devon and Angle battling. Ray and Sting brawled at ringside as Devon got the advantage on Angle in the ring. Team 3D stood alone in the ring at 3:00, then realized they had a choice to make. They came to an agreement, and then Ray dropped onto his back. Devon made the cover. Angle broke up the pin, which made a mockery of the ridiculous rules. Foley said he's not sure if the fans would have liked that ending, but it would have been a definite championship title win for Devon. Team 3D double-teamed Sting. Ray and Devon looked each other again wit Sting and Angle again both at ringside. Instead, tey locked up and did some lousy "scientific" moves such as an elbow lock and waistlocks (which I hope were intentionally bad, but I'm not sure). Devon threw the first punch. They punched each other. Having established that one of them could win easily by having his partner take the fall, their fighting each other seemed like really bad judgement. West acknowledged that they must have decided to fight for the World Title, doing his best to acknowledge the obvious inexplicable change in strategy from just a few minutes earlier.

At 5:00 Sting beat up Ray and Angle beat up Devon at ringside. The first five matches were just terrible. Sting and Ray fought in the crowd near a local D.J. Meanwhile Devon choked Angle with a cable. The camera director missed a chairshot by Ray that made a loud sound. They replayed what they missed, which was Ray hitting another chair when Sting moved. Sting put Devon in a Scorpion Deathlock as Angle put Ray in an anklelock. Ray powered out and kicked Angle into Sting. Sting didn't like that and got in Angle's face. Ray shoved Angle into Sting. Ray went for a figure-four on Sting, but then gave up and moved over to Angle instead. Ray then walked back to Sting and put him in the figure-four. That was awkward. Angle bled from his forehead. Devon also applied a Boston Crab. Angle tried to drape his arm over Sting as Sting's back on the mat in the figure-four, while he was still in the Boston Crab. He got a two count out of it. Angle cleared the ring of Team 3D and then began stomping on Sting's knee. Sting made a comeback with a series of clotheslines and a Stinger Splash. Angle countered a Scorpion Death Drop with an anklelock. Team 3D broke that up. Angle gave Sting the Angle Slam for a near fall. Devon then slammed Angle for a two count at 12:00. Devon gave Angle an inverted DDT for a near fall. Ray ten gave Devon a Rock Bottom for a near fall. Why did Devon kick out? He just cost Ray a World Title win, which Ray was willing to give him earlier. Sting DDT'd Ray for a two count. This was supposed to be a high point in the match, but the rules were so preposterous that the crowd wasn't nearly as into it as they should have been. Team 3D worked together and gave Angle the Doomsday Device. As Devon made the cover, Sting yanked him off clumsily. Foley said that answers some questions he had in his mind. Foley seemed really marginalized in this, almost as if West forgot he was there or wanted to crowd out Foley since Foley is a threat to his job given his Smackdown color commentary experience last year. Ray held Sting vulnerable for the top rope diving headbutt. Angle caught Devon with a suplex off the top rope. Ray clotheslined Angle over the top rope to the floor. Sting gave Ray a Scorpion Death Drop for the anti-climactic win. Foley presented Sting with the belt afterward. During a replay of Sting back suplexing Ray, he said, "How about Sting showing the power, the strength at that age against Brother Ray." He shouldn't be making references to Sting being old because, well, he's TNA's World Heavyweight Champion, so his executing a basic power move shouldn't be some sort of special achievement for "someone his age." Tenay concluded the event by saying that in the battle for power, the Main Event Mafia remained in control.

WINNER: Sting to retain the TNA World Hvt. Title.

STAR RATING: *1/4 -- That was really bad most of the time. The lesson of this match is that convoluted rules can ruin a good match, but this wasn't good even without the silly rules, because not everyone in the match was in particularly good shape or motivated. The crowd wasn't popping for the big spots like they were supposed to, and the Sting-Angle dynamic was muddied by the Ray-Devon dynamic, neither of which were fleshed out in a particularly logical or dramatically concrete fashion. Below average match and way below par for a PPV main event both in terms of match quality and having any sense of newsworthiness. Nothing was learned or advanced or solved other than Sting didn't turn on Angle, but actually stopped him from getting pinned, which means it's status quo.

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