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KELLER'S WWE ROYAL RUMBLE PPV REPORT
JANUARY 25, 2009
DETROIT, MICH. AT JOE LOUIS ARENA
LIVE ON PAY-PER-VIEW

-After an introductory video package (including the strong Royal Rumble theme song, a refreshing change from harder-edged rock music) which included footage of the Randy Orton kick to Vince McMahon, Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler introduced the show. They said that Orton would be reprimanded, but the punishment - suspension or fine - hadn't been determined yet. They said Mr. McMahon suffered at least a concussion and perhaps a neck injury

1 -- JACK SWAGGER vs. MATT HARDY -- ECW Hvt. Title match

They locked up mid-ring early. The ref warned Hardy against using a punch. A minute later Swagger threw the first punch. Hardy blocked it and punched Swagger to ringside. He followed him to ringside and punched him again, then rammed his head into the ring apron. Back in the ring Hardy hit a power clothesline, so Swagger bailed out to regroup. Hardy followed him to ringside and gave him a Fedor style wide right roundhouse punch. Back in the ring, Swagger began to out-mat-wrestle Hardy as the crowd chanted "Hardy, Hardy." Hardy came back at 3:00 with a basement dropkick in the corner and a running bulldog for a near fall. Matt Striker, on commentary with Todd Grisham for this match, compared Hardy to some of the toughest athletes in Detroit pro sports history including Bob Probert, Bill Lambier, and Tommy Hearnes. Hardy went for a second rope move, but Swagger just threw him off the ropes to the floor. Swagger went after Hardy at ringside. Back in the ring Swagger took control, including an armbar. When Hardy threw a clothesline with his injured arm, he sold it nicely by recoiling at the pain. Swagger said it showed great resilience by Hardy to use his injured arm as a weapon. One could argue it was a bad strategy were this a real fight. More "Let's Go Hardy" chants as Swagger went back to working over his arm. At 7:00 Hardy came back with an elbow to the back of Swagger's neck. Swagger countered with a belly-to-belly for a near fall. The crowd popped for Hardy's kickout. He hit another suplex and scored another near fall. The camera zoomed in as Swagger mumbled under his breath the next spot. It was a turnbuckle shot. Swagger set up a back suplex off the second rope. Hardy elbowed out of it and then hit a moonsault. He barely cleared it as he didn't get much lift when he leaped. (It kinds looked like a Tommy Dreamer moonsault where gravity pulled him to the mat quicker than is natural.) Swagger kicked out as Grisham called the match over. Swagger blocked a Side Effect and then tossed Hardy into the ringpost. Swagger then gave Hardy his finisher for the clean three count. Hardy actuall saw on the ringside steps and cried in frustration

WINNER: Swagger in 10:00 to retain the ECW Title.

STAR RATING: **1/2 -- Good ten minute opener. Swagger is without a doubt a star on the fast track to the top of cards. He'll main event PPVs within a couple years if early signs are any indication.

-They went to footage from earlier of Randy Orton arriving at the arena. He was shunned by everyone else, who looked his way but said nothing. He hung his head as he dragged his suitcase on wheels behind him.

2 -- BETH PHOENIX (w/Santino Marella) vs. MELINA -- WWE Women's Title match

Santino smiled at ringside as Phoenix outpowered Melina in the opening minutes. She butt-splashed her Umaga-style in the corner. In the Best Move Ever in a wrestling ring, Phoenix applied a half Boston crab and then, taking Melina's flexibility and using it against her, literally bashed Melina on the back of her head with her own boot repeatedly. Great innovative spot. Pheonix scored a near fall after a slightly botched side slam where she seemed to lose her footing a bit as she went down. Phoenix pressed Melina in the air off the top rope, but Melina slipped out and went for a roll-up, but Phoenix resisted. She hit a sunset flip a minute later for a near fall. Melina se up a 619, but rammed her knees into Phoenix's back instead. She followed with a running face plant for a near fall, screaming on her way. Melina set up her power legdrop, but Phoenix blocked it. Melina rolled up Phoenix seconds later and scored the pin.

WINNER: Melina in 6:00 to capture the Women's Title.

STAR RATING: *1/2 -- Fine match. Again, that move where Phoenix kicked Melina with her own boot was priceless. Lawler commented on it after the match as something he'd never seen before.

-Cole and Lawler were shown on camera as they talked about the JBL vs. John Cena match later. A video package aired on the feud for. Then they went backstage to JBL approaching Shawn Michaels. JBL told Michaels he doesn't need to be conflicted because when he wins the World Title later, he will pay him all of the money he owes him tonight and he'll never have to work for him again. He said he can guarantee after he becomes the World Title, he'll have a spot in the Royal Rumble and then win and headline against him, The Wrestling God JBL. He said that shows there's no reason to be conflicted. Michaels looked conflicted as the camera stayed on him for a moment. When he turned around, Undertaker was standing behind him. Taker said, "Sometimes it's hell getting to heaven." JBL called out, "Let's go, Shawn."

-A WrestleMania 25 ad aired.

3 -- JOHN CENA vs. JBL (w/Shawn Michaels) -- World Hvt. Title match

Cena came out to a relatively tepid mixed crowd response. Early in the match during mat exchanges, the crowd had competing chants of "Let's Go Cena" and "Cena Sucks." JBL had a brief strategy session with Michaels at ringside, although it appeared to be a one-way conversation. At 2:00 JBL slapped Cena repeatedly in the corner, and then gave him a big boot. At ringside, Cena pulled up when he saw Michaels, and that gave JBL an opening to hit Cena from behind. JBL controlled the action with repeated elbowdrops as the competing crowd chants about Cena started again. JBL whipped Cena into the ringside steps at 5:00. JBL set up a superplex, but Cena punched out of it, prompting crowd boos. Cena flew at JBL with a legdrop to the (vicinity of the back of) JBL's back for a two count. Michaels observed without expression at ringside. JBL charged at Cena clipped him and threw him head-first into two turnbuckles, and then hit a flying shoulder tackle and a side slam. He played to the crowd as the cheers and boos both increased. He signaled for and then went into the You Can't See Me routine. He went for a Throwback (formerly the FU), but JBL elbowed out of it. Cena took JBL down with a drop toe hold and then applied the STF (formerly the STFU). Michaels considered helping JBL reach the bottom rope. The referee warned him. Cena let go and kicked at the bottom rope toward Michaels. JBL kicked Cena out of the ring next to Michaels. Michaels looked down at Cena and stepped toward him. Cena got up and took a step back, and then rolled cautiously into the ring where he was met with a Clothesline from Hell instantly for a near fall. The Cena kickout popped the crowd. JBL and Michaels had a staredown and it was tough to read why or what expectations of JBL hadn't yet been met. Cena went for a Throwback again, but JBL escaped and went to clothesline Cena, but Cena ducked and the ref took the blow. Michaels stepped onto the ring apron, paused, and then entered the ring. Michaels seemed to be considering his options. He set up a superkick as both men stood. Michaels kicked JBL instead of Cena. The crowd popped. Cena looked shocked. "Shawn Michaels just blew the whole deal!" declared Cole. Nothing is as simple as it looks, or is it? Sure enough, Michaels superkicked Cena, too. Now that turned him babyface with 100 percent of the crowd instead of just 50 or 60. "I don't get it," said Cole. Michaels dragged JBL on top of Cena and then left the ring. Michaels got to "earn his money" and also get the satisfaction of kicking JBL. The ref was still out at ringside at 9:00. The crowd chanted, "Cena, Cena." A second ref ran to the ring and counted. Cena lifted his shoulder. The crowd popped. Cena then gave JBL the Throwback (which Cole is not calling by any name) and scored the pin.

WINNER: Cena in 16:00 to retain the World Hvt. Title.

STAR RATING: **3/4 -- A fine match. Nothing great, as the action was secondary to the Michaels drama, but it delivered what it needed to.

-A video package aired on the Jeff Hardy-Edge feud.

4 -- JEFF HARDY vs. EDGE (w/Chavo Guerrero) -- WWE Title match

Jim Ross and Tazz called this one. After Hardy's ring intro, Vickie Guerrero squealed, "Excuse me! Excuse me!" She said she just changed the match to no-DQ to prevent him from intentionally getting DQ'd to keep his title (and make legal Christian Cage's interference?). Back and forth early. At 3:00 Hardy dove off the ring apron onto Edge on the floor. Seconds later, Chavo distracted Hardy, then Edge kicked Hardy mid-springboard, knocking him to the floor. Edge beat on Hardy at ringside by the announcers, then got sustained offense inside the ring. The mic caught Edge calling a spot in Hardy's ear as he whipped him into the corner and then speared him. Edge grounded Hardy for a few minutes. Hardy began a comeback at 8:00, but Edge cut him off and set up a superplex. Hardy punched out of it and knocked Edge to the mat. When Hardy dove at Edge, Edge caught him mid-flight with a dropkick for a near fall. When Edge tried to bring two chairs into the ring, Hardy recovered and speared Edge off the ring apron. Then he slingshot himself onto Edge on the floor. Hardy hit a Twist of Fate on Edge on the ring apron. Hardy set up a ladder at ringside at 11:00. He set Edge on an announce table. Ross said Vickie may regret making this a no-DQ match. Hardy climbed the ladder, but Chavo climbed the other side. Hardy knocked Chavo down and then dove onto him. Hardy whipped Edge into the ringpost. Hardy set Chavo on the table and then leaped off the ladder onto Chavo. The ladder shot backwards from his push-off and the table was completely crushed by his landing. Back in the ring Hardy hit a nice flying crossbody block for a near fall at 14:00. Edge came back with a big boot as Hardy charged at him off the ropes. Edge took a turnbuckle pad off. He limped over to Hardy. Hardy blocked the headshot into the exposed turnbuckle and then hit a sudden Whisper in the Wind for a near fall. Edge fired back with a DDT for a near fall at 15:00. The Christian return, whether it happens here or not, isn't hugely known among the mainstream WWE fans since there's no chants of his name. Hardy scored a near fall with a small package at 16:00. Hardy hit a facebuster suplex and then went to the top rope. Edge got up and moved, so Hardy leaped down and dropkicked him from behind. Edge gave Hardy a snake eyes seconds later. Hardy hit a Twist of Fate as a counter to Edge's spear. Ross said he's never seen that before. Hardy began climbing to the top rope, but Vickie grabbed at him. Hardy kicked her off of him. He hit the Swanton Bomb. When he crawled over for the cover, Vickie yanked the ref to stop the count. The ref pointed at himself and said he has the authority now, not her. Matt Hardy ran to the ring and brought a chair into hte ring and rolled Vickie into the ring. He handed Jeff the chair. Jeff was going to swing at Edge, but Matt told him to wait. Matt grabbed a chair himself and then bashed Jeff with it. "Oh my God!" shouted Ross, then he fell silent, as did most of the crowd. Edge looked up, surprised at what he was seeing. He covered Jeff and the ref counted to three. Matt looked as forlorn as Shawn Michaels.

WINNER: Edge to regain the WWE Hvt. Title in 20:00.

STAR RATING: **** -- As good as you'd expect, with that surprising memorable finish that will create a buzz and maybe move Matt Hardy to the next level as a top heel. It's something new for him. His reaction to losing to Swagger earlier as a good subtle foreshadowing of Matt snapping and realizing he needed to change his career trajectory.

-Matt left the ring first. Edge and Vickie celebrated their way to the back with big grins. Ross and Tazz began to talk about how shocked they were. Ross said it makes him physically ill to watch one brother do that to another. When Edge's music stopped playing, Hardy was getting help from several referees. That chairshot, by the way, was one of those flush unprotected dangerous-looking chairshots. At least they're selling it, but those shouldn't be absorbed many times in a career if at all.

-Grisham interviewed Orton backstage. He asked if he had heard that he will face punishment on Raw tomorrow including potential legal action. Orton said he's heard nothing from the McMahons all week, so as far as he knows he's still in the Rumble. Chris Jericho walked into the picture and told Orton he doesn't blame him for what he did last week. He went into Bob Backlund mode with lots of Word of the Day filled sentences. Orton said if he's trying to kiss up to him to get him to let his guard down in the Rumble, it won't matter. Jericho said the McMahons are vengeful people and he believes this is his last night as an employee of WWE, so he had to tell him what he felt now. He wished him luck and walked away.

5 -- 30-MAN ROYAL RUMBLE

Rey Mysteiro (1) and John Morrison (2). They fought for the full 90 seonds with some very near drops to the floor. Carlito (3) went after both men as he entered. MVP (4) ran out next, going right after Carlito. Ross said MVP could erase a lot of losses with a win here. The Great Khali (5) walked to the ring as the four previous entrants looked tired and worried. Khali shoved MVP to the mat, then Rey, then Morrison, and then Carlito. He chopped MVP, then one-arm slammed Morrison. He raised his arms and let out a yell. Rey dove at him, but Khali chopped him to the mat. Carlito went for his Back Stabber, but Khali no-sold it. He gave Carlito the Punjabi Plunge. Vladimir Kozlov (6) entered next. Kozlov escaped Khali's head vice with a couple weak kicks, then he gave him a battering ram headbutt and then a big boot and clothesline to eliminate him (Khali 1st out in 6:00). That whole sequence was really sloppy. MVP went after Kozlov next. Kozlov avoided a running boot from MVP and then tossed him over (MVP 2nd out in 7:00). Carlito slingshot at Kozlov, but Kozlov sorta caught him and slammed him and tossed him over the top rope (Carlito 3rd out in 8:00). Triple H (7) entered next. He exchanged punches with Kozlov mid-ring. Kozlov hit Triple H with the battering ram headbutt, but he missed a headbutt in the corner. Triple H then drove a knee to Kozlov's head and threw him over the top rope (Kozlov 4th out in 9:00). That left Triple H, Morrison, and Mysterio.

Randy Orton (8) entered next. He went right after Triple H with a barrage of punches. Triple H blocked an RKO and set up a Pedigree. Morrison broke it up, but then Rey gave Morrison a 619. Cryme Tyme came onto the stage next. They discussed who should enter first. It looked like Shad's name was drawn, but JTG asked for a coin toss to see if he could go there first. JTG (9) won the coin toss. It was a double-sided coin so he ran to the ring. Shad noticed the gimmicked coin and took it in stride with a smile. Dumb little joke because it diminished the credibility of the Rumble having firm rules regarding the draw methodology just for at best a little chuckle for Cryme Tyme fans. Ted DiBiase (10) entered next at 14:00. Ross wondered if Orton and DiBiase will work together. Morrison and JTG almost hit the floor, but both held on and pulled themselves back into the ring. Same thing happened seconds later with Rey and DiBiase.

Chris Jericho (11) came out next. He went right after Orton and had him tipped upside down over the top rope. Orton held on and Jericho moved to JTG. Jericho and Hunter went at it. Jeicho went for a Walls of jericho. Triple H powered out and tossed jericho over the top rope. He, too, held on, but Triple H tried to kick him of the apron to the flooor. That didn't work. Mike Knox (12) came out next. He, of course, went after the littlest guy first, Rey. Orton and DiBiase chatted and then tried to work together. The Miz (13) came out and went right after Triple H with a running clothesline in the corner. He hit Rey with a clothesline, too. Then he went after Orton with kicks. Miz and Morrison worked together against Orton. Rey knocked Morrison into an Orton RKO. Miz went after Orton, but Orton gave him an RKO. He then gave JTG an RKO. Triple H surprised Orton with a Pedigree. The ring was crowded, but Triple H tossed out Morrison and Miz (5th and 6th). Finlay (14) came out next. Rey helped Finlay nearly eliminate Jericho. Next out was Cody Rhodes (15). Orton, DiBiase, and Rhodes worked together. The crowd popped as Rey springboarded at Orton, but Orton turned it into an RKO. Ross said Rey scored, and Lawler corrected him.

Undertaker (16) came out next. The lights went out briefly for his entrance. He eliminated JTG (7th a 13:00). The crowd chantd "Un-der-taker." Goldust (17) entered next. Goldust and Rhodes faced of. Lawler and Ross acknowledged they are brothers. Goldust nearly eliminated Cody a couple times. Legacy eventually stopped Goldust. Orton gave him an RKO, then he told Rhodes to eliminate him. He tossed Goldust out (8th). C.M. Punk (18) came out next.He roundhouse kicked and kneed a number of wrestlers in the ring. Triple H stopped him with a Pedigree attempt. Punk blocked it and hit the Go To Sleep. Mark Henry (19) and Shelton Benjamin (20) came out next. Lawler noted he doesn't ever remember this many wrestlers in the Rumble match at once before. The ring was crowded.

William Regal (21) entered next. He jogged to the ring. Meanwhile Henry had Rey lifted in the air for elimination, but he escaped his grip and dropped to the mat. Hery tossed him over the top rope, but he didn't go all the way. Rhodes and DiBiase almost eliminated Triple H. Kofi Kingston (22) came out next. There were 14 in the ring at this point. Then Rey eliminated Henry (9th) and Taker tossed Shelton out (10th). Kane (23) entered next. Punk eliminated Regal (11th) with a yank of his head at 25:00. Next out was R-Truth (24). In a surprise return, Rob Van Dam (25) made a grand entrance to a big pop. He went after anyone and everyone who came after him. He gave Cody a spin wheel kick. He dropped Jericho with a spin kick. RVD front kicked Knox to the face, then sidekicked Punk.

Brian Kendrick (#26) entered next. He eliminated Kofi (12th) by shoving him off the top rope. Triple H then quickly eliminated Kendrick (13th) at 30:00. A loud "RVD, RVD" chant broke out. RVD almost eliminated Punk, who hung from the top rope but pulled himself back in. Dolph Ziggler (27) came out next. Dolph introduced himself to Kane, who shook his hand and then tossed Ziggler (14th) over the top rope to the floor. Santino (28) came out next. As soon as he entered the ring, he was knocked out by Kane. He lasted perhaps less than a full second. Santino (15th) claimed he hadn't entered the ring yet. The ref would have none of it. New record. Hacksaw Duggan (29) came out next, the first-ever Rumble winner. The Big Show (30) was the final entrance.

Everyone basically stood around watching Show enter the ring. Taker stepped up and got in his face. Kane then took a cheap shot out of nowhere on Show. Show punched back. Duggan tried to lift Show over the top rope. Show easily tossed Duggan (16th) at 47:00. Kane almost eliminated DiBiase. Show eliminated R-Truth (17th). Show eliminated Punk (18th) with the right hand punch. The camera mised it, but Show eliminated Rey (19th) and Knox (20th). Hornswoggle ran into the ring. Kane grabbed him by the throat. Finlay charged. Kane grabbed Finlay as Hornswoggle grabbed his ankle. Finlay then charged at Kane, but Kane backdropped Finlay (21st) out. Rey lasted 49 minutes. Ross said Triple H was now the longest survivor in the match. Jericho gave Kane a Code Breaker. Orton gave Triple H a DDT. Undertaker and Show faced off mid-ring once again. Taker ducked a Show punch and then punched him. They exchanged blows mid-ring. Jericho hit Show on the back. RVD frog-splashed Orton. Jericho, though, eliminated RVD (22nd) to a round of boos. Taker then headbutted Jericho and eliminated Jericho (23rd) to a big pop.

It was down to Kane, Orton, Rhodes, DiBiase, Undertaker, Big Show, and Triple H. Legacy eliminated Kane (24th). Legacy went after Taker in the corner. Show chokeslammed Triple H, meanwhile. Taker hit Show with a running clothesline mid-ring, then gave him a big boot. Show flopped over the top rope, but landed on the ring apron. Orton tried to give Taker an RKO from behind, but Taker blocked it. Show yanked Taker over the top rope by his throat. Taker grabbed Show's throat. Orton gave Show an RKo to knocked him off the ring apron, so Show (25th) was out. Legacy knocked Undertaker (26th) to the floor. Show and Taker fought at ringside. Show bailed out into the crowd. Taker followed. Legacy surrounded Triple H in center-ring. Ross wonered if Legacy would stay on the same page. Triple H gave the crotch chop to them. They pounced him and bashed him in the corner. Orton held Triple H as Rhodes and DiBiase kicked and punched him. Triple H shoved Orton into the corner. As DiBiase checked on him, Triple H gave Rhodes a spinebuster. He gave DiBiase one, also. As he set up a Pedigree, Orton charged. Triple H backdropped him over the top, but Orton landed on the ring apron. Tripel H tossed out DiBiase (27th) and Rhodes (28th). Orton then knocked Triple H (29th) over the top from behind to win. Orton pointed at the WrestleMania 25 banner in the arena. Ross said by winning the Rumble, "it's guaranteed."

WINNER: Orton in 58:00.

STAR RATING: **** -- Very good Royal Rumble. Not among the best, though. It was different in that so many were in the ring late in the match. The finish was dramatically played out with a lot of big stars at once. If you thought about the booking, you'd figure Orton was going to win given the storyline with Vince McMahon and how this throws a wrench into whatever punishment was in store for him.

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