By Jeremy Maes, DEJ Experience member

Friday may not have seemed too bad since really there were just a bunch of minor annoyances, but Saturday morning we started having problems with the show. When we got back to the hotel we all converged in Kevin and Eric’s room and started the exact same process we used last year. It was the same damn process that gave us our best sounding shows ever so everything should have been a breeze.

Basically, we record everything with my digital video camera and then place it on Eric’s laptop. It is small enough to carry around with us without being a nuisance and as I said before, it gave us some great sounding stuff. So, the camera gets plugged in to the laptop and Eric pulls the files and places them on his desktop. Next in the process is opening Adobe Audition and “extracting audio from video.” I cannot stress the fact that we did this exact same process last year.

Here is where the problem begins; for some reason the process will not work. It won’t extract, it won’t remove, it won’t do anything for us. We can play the video file in Media Player and it has sound so we know it recorded but for whatever reason it is working for us. By this time it is nearly 3:30 in the morning and there is no way Wade was going to be awake anyway so we all agreed to pick it up in the morning and try again. We figured the mixture of sleepiness, alcohol and full bellies were probably the reasoning behind our struggles. As I left Eric was still on the computer working away.

I woke up about 9:30 Saturday morning and immediately started thinking how we could get the audio working. The prospect of recording the show again wasn’t pleasant. When we have had to record shows again in the past they are just are not as good as the show we did originally. We even try using some of the same jokes and the same points the second time around and they just aren’t funny because there is no spontaneity or energy in them.

Problem with all of this is that I have no idea what time the other yokels went to bed that morning. I left and Eric was still working away trying to get the show up and presentable. So I worked on a blog about ROH, I believe, and tried sending it when the internet at the hotel crashed out. It gave me time to read it over again which was nice but still frustrating. Once I finished up around noon I called their room and woke Eric up. Kevin had disappeared and Emily was still sleeping.

Eric informed me that nothing worked last night so he grabbed his computer and we tried again. The internet had come up by then and I figured our fortunes were changing. It didn’t take long to realize this was all a pipe dream and we still couldn’t get anything working correctly. Kevin finally shows up sweaty and out of breath after running back from the “World’s Largest McDonald’s Playland.” We discussed plans and figured we better call Larry Sweeney for the interview since we had not gotten hold of him the night or days before.

So Eric called Larry Sweeney and made plans to attend the ROH Fanfest where we would grab him for a quick sit down and have some fun. Seems simple enough but we still had no idea how to record the interview so we can actually present it. We had the camera and we had a laptop but no means of pulling the audio in a good manner. We finally, after much trepidation from me and a lot of doubt, decide to plug a microphone in to the jack on Eric’s laptop and record with the camera at the same time. This was so it would record directly on the computer but then I would look like a game show host during the interview.

It was at this point in the trip that it appeared that surrender was the only option. We stood a big chance of making ourselves look like even bigger clueless, unprofessional tools than we actually are. The prospect of playing Bob Barker during the interview didn’t sit well but we were going to have to do what we needed. So we get our questions all set, test out the laptop at the last second and we all pile in to “Big Pimpin” for a twenty minute ride to the Orlando Jai-Alai.

When we arrive to the Orlando Jai-Alai it reminded me of the horse tracks in Cleveland that my old gang of deviants used to frequent from time to time. Last time I was at the harness races I took home nearly $200.00 and I never went back again. No real reason for that other than it seemed like a great way to go out. Anyway, the Orlando Jai-Alai reminded me of a white monolith from “2001.” The only difference being that the monolith didn’t have an overhang over the front door.

We grabbed our gear and walked around the side of the building and instantly recognize people from the previous night’s show. It also became clear once we entered the door that the wrestling fans were clearly interfering with the regulars gambling. So after paying our dollar entrance fee we shuffled in to the concourse and the smell of old age, hotdogs and well I am not sure what it was actually, overcame me. It was just like the horse track but inside.

There were the same old, sad eyes staring at the television screens watching some horse race held off site on one screen. On another screen were men in goofy white pants and helmets with large wicker baskets on one arm, slinging a hard white ball down a long plain. On another screen was a split screen of two different dog races. Old men of all colors patrolled the hallway giving fleeting glances above at the televisions to see how they did. These were some old pros, as they showed no emotion at all so it was impossible to tell who won. Even looking at the betting desk you could not tell who was cashing in or placing more bets. No one seemed happy to be there but yet the place had a lot of non-wrestling fans.

This was the place that sadness goes to cry.

We took a left turn and saw the tables lined up against the wall and we saw some of the ROH wrestlers standing chatting with fans. The turnout was less than expected but then we got there an hour before it ended as we missed most of the festivities. We looked around for Larry but he was M.I.A. We saw Nigel McGuiness chatting up some people dressed in slacks and a dress shirt. El Generico was there in a t-shirt with Jigsaw who was also dressed in slacks and a dress shirt.

At the end of the tables Lacey sat all be herself with her photos in front of her. Here we all were at a wrestling fanfest and the lone female they brought to the festivities sat at the end of her table, by herself, while the fans milled around with the male wrestlers. She had 8x10’s of herself in different bathing suits so she was definitely prepared for what should have been a profitable endeavor. Maybe she sold a bunch before we arrived, we’ll never know.

Let me repeat this. Lacey sat by herself. No one was going over to her to say hello let alone buy an 8x10. If you are wondering, we didn’t go over either but my whole deal with not meeting people was creeping in and I had no intention of buying anything. Eric seemed intrigued but fate stepped in as we got interrupted by business.

Then a group of wrestlers appeared and in there was Erik Stevens, also in slacks and a dress shirt, along with Tyler Black (jeans and t-shirt), Austin Aries (slacks and t-shirt) and the one and only Larry Sweeney. Sweeney was sharply dressed in his usual manager attire you would see on any ROH show.

As soon as I saw him my phobia of meeting new people kicked in and I just wished one of these old codgers would have gone into cardiac arrest so we could have gotten out of the interview. Besides being paranoid of new people the idea that I was going to do a wand interview and possibly invade someone’s personal space added to my anxiety. Eric gave a quick “Come on.” And we headed towards the group to introduce ourselves and set the interview up with Larry.

As we approached though, all of the ROH wrestlers were ushered through the side door and out of view. As annoyed as I would have been having driven all that length just to get there for no interview, it would have been tolerable due to getting out of tooling during an interview. Eric and I both stood there and pondered our next move. We learned that the wrestlers were going on to the “court” to try and toss the ball against the wall in an exhibition.

So we followed the masses into the, um, arena (?). We took our seats in some nice comfortable chairs and watched as the guys from the credits of Miami Vice tossed hard balls at a wall. The men finished up playing and a voice shimmered down from the heavens and announced the winners. It also said that "the wrestlers" are coming up next. They would be placed in an exhibition and see who could hit the wall.

Nigel McGuiness, in slacks, was first up and he seemed to know what he was supposed to do. He calmly pulled his arm back and let loose. The ball sailed down the way and hit the wall. He tried a different style with less than stellar results and made his way back to the pen with the other wrestlers and their helpers. Other wrestlers followed and had middling results.

Larry Sweeney was so terrible he turned heel on the crowd and went straight into character taunting the people laughing. Others, such as Erik Stevens and Austin Aries took the challenge very serious but still ended up failing. Tyler Black couldn’t get the ball past ten feet unless he hit the wall to his immediate left. The only ray of light was Jigsaw who may not have hit the wall but he did hit a window connected to the pads that were covering the out of bounds area on the wall.

All of the ROH guys looked like they were having fun and the crowd got to see a more relaxed side of them. At the same time seeing wrestlers not in gimmick still seems strange. Sure the majority of ROH fans are smart marks or whatever you call them but shouldn’t there still be some protecting the business? Seeing Tyler Black take part in this exhibition seemed counterproductive to his Age of The Fall gimmick. At least Jimmy Jacobs was not out there taking part in the exhibition, as it would have killed his gimmick totally. As it stands now, it can be explained way in some manner why Tyler was out there.

After the exhibition ended we stuck around trying to figure out what to do next. We couldn’t tell if the wrestlers were now leaving or if they were going back out to the hall for some more fan interaction. We all agreed that sitting in the quickly emptying stands was not the best place to be so we head back out to the hall. We had to mill around a bit waiting to see if the wrestlers are indeed returning and the stench of $.50 hotdogs is overwhelming. Oh yeah, I failed to mention none of us have eaten a thing since 2:30 am after going to O’Shucks. As bad as those hotdogs would have been for heartburn it would have done wonders for my soul.

We finally see some wrestlers meander back in and we see Larry Sweeney in the middle of them. Eric walked right over to the group and introduced himself as I slowly lurched after him. I introduced myself and we all stood there awkwardly trying to decide where to do this thing. The fact he actually was willing to do an interview with us caught me off guard. I thought the surprised look on his face meant he never thought we were showing up.

Fortunately, one of the officials from either ROH or the Orlando Jai-Alai (Based on his age I am guessing Orlando Jai-Alai) came over and offered a small room. He was a pleasant man and really saved our behinds since the hall had no real tables other than the small shelves stained with the bitterness of defeat.

The room was actually where the wrestlers were storing merchandise they were selling and other belongings. We were told to grab some chairs so we did and congregated in the large closet posing as an office.

As I gathered everything together we tried making small talk and I could tell I was coming off like a giant dummy but then this was really no surprise. Between the two of us, Eric and I thanked Larry for his time and for the interview no less than seven times. Larry then asked if this was going to be in The Torch itself. Eric and I looked at each other, both wondering how to handle this question. Being honest meant we could possibly lose the interview, but lying would no doubt bite us in the ass when it didn’t appear and sully our good name.

“Um, not The Torch itself but it will be on the website. We all have our own podcast or audio show on the PWTorch website. Have you heard of The Audio Experience on there?” I said.

“No I haven’t,” Larry answered.

“That’s okay, nobody else has.” Eric and I joked covering our bruised egos. Really though, we make no qualms about not being known by anyone. Seriously.

It was finally show time and we had everything set up. I sat back with the wand in one hand and the video camera in the other. After we assured him we were not taping we mentioned we did this exact same thing with Colt Cabana last year. It was our way of showing we were legit as if he had any doubts.

We fired off into the interview and Larry was going in and out of character and was a real cut up. He answered everything we threw his way. Then in the middle of it all the PWTorch forums and Audio Experience fan and friend CaptainEvers calls me. Normally this isn’t a big deal but I had forgotten to turn my ringer off. It can all be heard in the interview audio but what cannot be heard is my disdain and embarrassment.

I was embarrassed for not shutting my phone off and really pissed CaptainEvers chose this off all times to call. It wasn’t his fault but the attention needed to be pointed at someone else. Eric at least covers for me and shoots off another question after the call and we are back on track.

We were nearing the end of this fiasco when I suddenly get tongue-tied. Well, not really tongue-tied but more so delirious. I haven’t gone back to listen to the interview yet because I am still embarrassed by this but we somehow get in to promotion and after thanking Larry again I utter these infamous words.

“If you do us we’ll do you.”

Yep, for some reason those words spurt forth like a geyser. There was no way to cover such an idiotic statement and I just put my head in my hands. Eric clearly sees there is no coming back for me and he begins the wrap up as I try and shrink in to his laptop never to be seen again.

As we wrap up, Eric remembered to have Larry do a voice over for the show as I am still shrugging off my defeat. We again thanked Larry for his time; which I am pretty sure brought the grand total to 204. As we walked out we discussed asking other wrestlers to cut a promo for our show but I wanted nothing to do with it. Besides asking wrestlers to do something for free when they are there selling things seemed inconsiderate and Eric agreed.

When we met back up with Kevin and the ladies it was clear something was bugging me. Eric explained since I didn’t feel like talking and everyone had a laugh, as did I, at my expense. Laughing and getting goofed on by the rest of the crew helped take away some of the embarrassment from the interview. As we headed out the door of the Orlando Jai-Alai at least things couldn’t get any worse. Right?

Jeremy Maes is the “J” of the DEJ Audio Experience. You can listen to that group of organized crime perpetrators every Wednesday night on the member’s portion of PWTorch.com. You can read Jeremy’s thoughts every Sunday on PWTorch.com. You can even contact Jeremy or any member of the DEJ faction on the PWTorch VIP Forum, or by email at torchmaes@yahoo.com.