Mick Foley Comedy Tour report
April 16, 2014
Raleigh, N.C. at Charlie Goodnights
Report by R. Eric Smith, PWTorch reader

The place was sold out and packed to the rafters. Several area wrestlers and promoters like Count Grog of GOUGE were in attendance. The opening comic was kind of underwhelming, the comedy equivalent of the Mulkie brothers.

Foley came out to a standing O. He explained that he wasn't the type to tell jokes, and he would use the F-bomb only once in his routine. He also acknowledged the small female presence in the audience, telling them he understood they're only here because their boyfriends dragged them along. He said not to worry, because google "hardcore legend," "three-time WWE champion," and "feminist," and his would be the only name that comes up.

Foley mainly told anecdotes of his wrestling career and compatriots, and said he would refuse to answer the question everybody asks: "Did it hurt?" However, he talked at length about the number of people he ran into who would ask him that question.

My favorite parts:

- Foley talked about how he used to star in the Chef Boy-Ar-Dee Stuffed Ravioli commercials, where he would wear his Mankind attire, sneak out of the bushes like a stalker, and growl, "Mmmmm... beefy!" The director chose to shoot on location at a zoo. The director asked Foley, "Do you think you can get a giraffe to chase you while you're holding the can?" Foley said, "No." The director asked "Why not?" Foley replied, "because giraffes are herbivores."

- Foley also talked about a strange encounter he had at an airport in Dublin. A drunken man with his face bruised and battered beyond all recognition came up to Foley and said "Hey Mick! It's me! Mark Coleman!" Coleman was an MMA fighter who just had a grueling match the night before, and had apparently been trying to drink away the pain ever since.

Coleman and Foley hugged it out and Coleman told him how rough his life had been. Kurt Angle then walked by, and Coleman said, "Hey Kurt! It's me!" Angle was just as shocked as Foley when he saw Coleman's face. "I beat you in the '96 Olympic trials, remember?" Foley said that Angle turned and walked away without saying a word.

Coleman later came to Kurt and saw him looking despondent. He asked him if he was olay. Angle said no. Foley asked him what was the matter. Kurt explained that he actually beat Coleman in the '96 Olympic trials. Coleman beat him in the '95 trials. Foley tried to explain that Coleman had a tough fight the night before and that he had been drinking, so cut him a break. Later, when they were on the flight, passengers recognized them as celebrities and would ask them what they did. Foley would modestly reply, "Oh, I'm a best-selling author, I used to host Robot Wars, blah blah blah," while Kurt would pointedly say, "I won the 1996 Olympic Trials!"

- Foley's final story was the only F-bomb moment. He said he was in the dressing room, listening to his Walkman, a crappy yellow thing his kids had refused as a Christmas present. He said a WWE superstar walked in. They had a conversation, and the Superstar said later to other people that he was "frightened." That superstar was Kane. What happened was, Kane asked him what he was listening to. Foley put the headphones on Kane's head. The song was Tori Amos's Winter. Foley sang the lines wistfully, illustrating the absurdity of the moment. Kane handed the headphones back to him and said, "Dude, I will never f**k with you again!"

After the show, Foley announced a Meet-n-Greet and called up Shane Helms and Matt Hardy to stage to answer questions. My friend Hank said, "I have a question for Mick and a question for Matt." Hanes stood up and acted all pissed off for being left out. Matt sold holding him back. Hank passed an action figure of Mankind to the stage and asked Foley if he knew it was going to look the way it did, as it resembled Mr. Universe's body clothed in Mankind attire instead of Foley's bowling-pin like body. Foley joked about it, then asked if he could keep it.

Hank then asked Matt, "How do you feel about Tammy Sytch breaking your record for most stalking arrests?" The place about fell apart with groans and, "Oh no you didn't!" Matt looked dumbfounded, and Helms said, "Did you know his wife is sitting about five feet in front of you?"

After that, Foley sat outside at a table to sell t-shirts and sign autographs. I stood in line with Hank and Phil, who doubles as heel manager Admir Al Ak-bar in GOUGE wrestling. Hank kept wondering if Hardy was going to call him out and pound him into the pavement. When we got to Foley, he tsked and said, "You just had to humiliate poor Matt in front of his family, didn't you?"

I asked Foley if he ever collaborated with the Wyatts, because they're obviously influenced by him. He said he used a rocking chair in a feud with Randy Orton, and Bray asked him if could use it in FCW.

Overall, it was a great show. Foley was a class act and a true gentleman.

[Torch photo credit Wade Keller (c) PWTorch.com]

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