WWE Raw house show results
April 15, 2012
Nottingham, England
Report by Enrico Brienza, PWTorch reader

WWE finally debuted their new stage/set here in the Midlands in front of a near-capacity crowd at Trent FM Arena for the annual "WrestleMania Revenge Tour" extravaganza. Compared to the previous show in November 2011, this particular show didn't really work for me for a number of reasons that I'll get into. (The early 5:00 p.m. bell time should have warned me. This was a very family-oriented show.)

The show began at 5:00 p.m. sharp with pyro and the familiar Monday Night Raw theme normally seen every week on TV was shown on two monitors. A third, larger monitor was positioned right on top of the entrance ramp. A decidedly improved house-show setting, the downside of which being that WWE can now bombard fans at will with advertisements and other plugs of their own product even through a house show.

(1) Kofi Kingston & R-Truth beat WWE tag champions Primo & Epico (w/Rosa Mendes) in a non-title match. This was originally announced as a title match but, right after the introduction, John Laurinaitis appeared on the monitors in an obviously pre-recorded segment, changing the bout stipulation to non-title for no apparent reason. Truth and Kingston got a decent pop and pleased the responsive crowd with their usual array of acrobatics. Primo and Epico played their heel roles to the hilt, with Truth forced in the corner until the ref finally saw his hot-tag to Kingston. Average, house-show tag team match seen many times before; Truth got the win for his team with the Little Jimmy on Epico.

(2) Divas champion Beth Phoenix beat Kelly Kelly with Eve as special referee. Eve came out first wearing the striped ref shirt to loud "Hoeski!" chants. To her credit, she's far more valuable now as a convincing heel than she ever was before as a lousy "face" diva. It was clear from the start that Torres was gonna favor the champion. Other than that, rather dismal Divas match, once again, typical house-show fare that didn't do much to get the crowd involved at all. Short and sweet if nothing else. For the finish, as Kelly rolled Phoenix up for the pin, Eve counted two, then sold an apparent and sudden pain in her right wrist out of the blue. This allowed Phoenix to hit the Glam Slam on Kelly, followed by an ultra-fast three count by Eve. After the match, Kelly sent Beth packing for yet another crowd-pleasing moment.

(3) Lord Tensai beat Alex Riley when the ref stopped the match. This was a total squash, identical to the first two Tensai matches on Raw. Only, things looked even clunkier first-person. Tensai and Riley shared little to no chemistry and the crowd was indifferent throughout. As seen on TV, Tensai won when the referee stopped the match and then proceeded to hit Riley with the Iron Claw. Most kids in attendance didn't even know who Tensai is and just referred to him as "that fat ninja." A few older fans broke out in the occasional "Albert" chant, but nothing else.

After this, Vickie Guerrero, Dolph Ziggler, and Jack Swagger appeared on the mini-tron in another pre-recorded promo to plug their match tonight against Zack Ryder and John Cena.

The Miz's entrance followed for the next match. Miz immediately set himself apart from the generally mediocre and predictable tone of the night by cutting a fantastic in-ring promo about how "awesome!" he is and that he's visited four countries in four days. Miz's confidence with a mic is one of those things that, in these days of severe lack of young talent, WWE can always rely upon to boost their product. Now, this was entertainment, not just scripted, hammy-acting! Nice pop for Miz, by the way. Otunga, who should probably leave the wrestling to more capable talent, came out after Miz, then Santino received a respectable babyface pop. After all, that's what he's here for, to entertain the crowd.

(4) U.S. champion Santino beat The Miz and David Otunga in a three-way match to retain the U.S. Title. This was essentially a comedy match (what else could it have been with Santino?) that Miz basically carried all the way through. (Otunga's in-ring time was strategically cut-down and not without reason.) The heels double-teamed Marella at first, then turned against one another whenever the other's back was turned. Once Miz got Otunga out of the ring for the last time, Santino hit the Cobra on the "Awesome One" to retain the title. Predictable effort, only saved by Miz's capable mic-work.

[Intermission. Justin Roberts called for a brief intermission, not before reminding punters that John Cena and C.M. Punk framed and autographed pictures were on-sale at the merch stand (for no-less than 25 GBP each). Speaking of merch, I was really disappointed at the total lack of Daniel Bryan t-shirts. I did hear a few scattered "Yes! Yes! Yes!" chants throughout the show, but they sounded like they were just picked up off TV the last couple of weeks, rather than a show of appreciation for Bryan. And, by looking at an average chunk of the audience, I could tell these were not your ROH types by a long shot.

(5) Brodus Clay beat JTG. Another squash match in typical Funkasaurus tradition. At least JTG got in some offense with a few chinlocks; Clay's selling was still minimal, though. One thing, his big splash finisher really does look impressive and, of course, his dance routine with the Divas amused the crowd. After the (short) match, Clay called three little kids from the front rows into the ring to boogie with him.

Next was Cena & Ryder vs. Ziggler & Swagger in the semi-main event. Vickie Guerrero stormed to the ring to her familiar "Excuse Me" catchphrase, introducing his two clients, first Swagger, then Ziggler, who has long been very credible in his cocky-heel persona and should be back in the main event region. Zack Ryder then made his own entrance and, by the warm reaction he got, I could tell he's still a hit with the youngest members of the audience. Many a "Broski" headband was in the audience. Cena's entrance was the usual, trite, superhero-type nonsense. Cena is eager to please the crowd at a somewhat irritating level if you're older than ten. It's part of that now-commonplace notion that wrestlers should be all-round entertainers, which oftentimes pushes the ring work down to second place. At least it kept the young kids happy.

(6) John Cena & Zack Ryder beat Dolph Ziggler & Jack Swagger (w/Vickie Guerrero). The match featured the usual "Let's Go Cena / Cena Sucks" chants and a plethora of choreographed, double-team moves from the face duo, including the now (in)famous double Broski Boot and Cena donning a Ryder headband, wig, and shades. Swagger and Ziggler tried their best to maintain a semblance of decency within the ridiculous context. A few amateur, mat wear-down holds from Swagger provided a reminder that this was, after all, a "wrestling" match, and Ziggler's bumps once again looked absolutely incredible live. Ryder was, well, Ryder and Cena's offense was accompanied by next-to-zero selling. The finish was a double finisher on the heels (Rough Ryder + Attitude Adjustment) for a double pin. From my perspective, this was truly a hideous semi-main event.

Next was C.M. Punk vs. Chris Jericho in the main event. Jericho did his usual "lights out, sparkly" jacket entrance before grabbing the mic and ordering the fans to cut out their "C.M. Punk" chants. I'm a long-time Jericho fan but, in my opinion, the way his character has been handled since his return has greatly diminished his impact and credibility. Punk got a pop worthy of a top babyface, perhaps even louder than Cena. That's what he is now and, although still capable of offering fine wrestling when the cameras are rolling (like Bret Hart before him), I'm not a fan of his role in a house show setting. Punk almost acts like he's been taking a professional course in entertainment; his words and mannerisms now lack the spontaneity they once had.

(7) WWE champion C.M. Punk beat Chris Jericho in a No DQ, No Count-out match to retain the WWE Title. What's the difference between "No DQ/No Count-out" and "No Holds Barred" match anyway? Oh well, this is WWE, after all. Both champion and challenger went for the jugular from the get-go and it wasn't long before foreign objects came into play. Punk dug out a Kendo Stick from outside the ring and proceeded to pummel Y2J, who later got hold of a steel chair that he wedged between the first and second turnbuckles for future use. To a "We Want tables" chants, Punk responded, "There's no tables here, will a chair do instead?" More chair shots followed, stiff ones at that. Punk got hold of the ring steps and dragged them through the aisle, where he attempted to Irish whip Jericho into them, but Jericho reversed the move and got the match back in his control, wearing Punk down in the ring with a surfboard and executing a beautiful Lionsault. The end nearly came with a well-applied Walls Of Jericho (not the Liontamer, just the standard Boston Crab), but Punk refused to submit. Punk eventually got the opening he was seeking by whipping Jericho into the chair he previously set up himself. One GTS later, it was over. Jericho then left the ring with his tail between his legs.

Punk's celebration was cut short though, as first Otunga, then Swagger and Ziggler (with Vickie Guerrero), charged to the ring to spoil the champ's party. The "superheroes" (Ryder and Cena) once again saved the day as they came to the rescue - each heel was fed a finisher and sent packing. Only Vickie remained in the ring with Cena and Punk. At this point, Cena grabbed the mic and announced that today was Vickie's birthday, then sang her "Happy Birthday" Marylin-Monroe-style. Punk slapped a chocolate cake into Guerrero's face, then all three hugged and celebrated to the sound of The Beatles's "Birthday" (off the "White Album").

I thought it was a farcical ending to the dullest WWE house show I've seen in at least five years. TNA offered the fans much better value for the money on their "Maximum Impact" tour last January, actually presenting solid wrestling matches and a far-more convincing overall presentation. While WWE's show went down well with the little kids, the show disappointed those, like me, who paid good, hard-earned money to simply see some good wrestling in-person.

[Torch art credit Grant Gould (c) PWTorch.com]

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